Tuesday, July 19, 2011

"No regrets, just love"


Its been a while. Hindi ko masabing na miss ko ang pagba-blog kasi ive given up blogging eons ago (thus mga repost at vids lang lately); maybe lost of inspiration, simply put it: i had enough siguro of sharing myself. Plus the fact that i noticed na ambobo ko na mag ingles or worse hindi na ako magaling mag come up ng kaiga igayang mga pangungusap o talata. pero hindi ko naman masara itong blog na ito since i really love this blog, WAITING SHADE, kaya palagi ko paring nilalagyan kahit ng kung ano ano na lang just for the blog to stay afloat. Kasi ba naman, this was my companion nung sobrang hurt ako, nung mag isa lang ako, mga panahong sasabog ang puso ko. Pero kahit ganun pa man, wala akong pagsisisi kung anuman ang mga nangyari sabi nga ni Katy Perry "No regrets, just love". Totoo at may punto si Katy dun.

Paano nga ba nagsimula itong Waiting Shade... Literary project kasi dapat itong Waiting Shade, hmmm. Kumbaga isasalaysay ko yung mga love stories ng buhay ko at kung ilang beses ako naghintay nang naghintay sa wala rin palang patutunguhan. Yung pangalan ng blog was derived from an english lecture noong high school pa ako. Yung teacher nag pa spelling quiz and one of the items na pina spell nya ay WAITING SHED. Some answered as WAITING SHADE, siguro they mean na pag nagwait doon may Shade. May logic naman sila diba? Hehe. Since ive been waiting all my life for that love story na nakasentro sa akin and to Someone, Ive named my blog Waiting Shade, Shade being the one im waiting for and I renamed my online self CLOUD. Cloud and Shade, oha, sakto.

Then came this cover song from Tina Arena: "So Far Away" which ultimately became my favorite song. The song came from her Album "Songs of Love and Loss". Since i loved the song and was inspired by it, i borrowed her album title and refashioned it as "Tales of Love and Loss" which ultimately became my blog description.

This was supposed to be a secret blog, pero since sinara ko na yung original blog ko, eto ang napagbuntunan ng aking mga istorya, love stories full of sadness and loss. Pero siguro naman when we talk about love, im quite sure kasama nya ang salitang loss. kasi may mga pagkakataon talaga na kahit gaano ang pagmamahal may nawawala rin, may nababawasan, may nalalagas. Pag nagmahal nga yata kasi may nadadagdag sa pagkatao ngunit sa madalas may nawawala din.

So ayun ang dapat sanang Literary project ko tungkol sa mga nabigong love stories ko dati, na overwhelm ng nabigong love story ko sa kasalukuyang panahon. Kung babaliktanawin ang mga unang entries ko medyo madudugo at puno ng sakit. pero sa palagay ko ha, magaling ako magsulat pag extreme na sadness, in comparison sa blog post na ito which is inconsistent at taglish pa. Kakatakot na rin magpost kasi lately ng english kasi kakahiya sa mga magagaling sa English.

Anyhow ang namiss ko ay ang gumawa ng kanta, kahit hindi naman ako ganun kagaling talaga, nagpapanggap lang na marunong.

Ayun hanggang dito na lang muna. Minsan ikwento ko siguro ang aking morning routine. hindi interesting pero medyo makabuluhan. lol

BTW may bubwit na patakbo takbo sa harap ko. haha. kakatuwa. bilhan ko sya ng rat trap maya. lagot sya.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Nakalimutang Pag-ibig sa Tag-ulan

Ni Minkhail 14.03.10

Paano nga ba umibig ang hangin ng tag-ulan?
Banayad o marahas na pagsuyo sa bulaklak ng kalupaan.
Saan nya iniuukit ang pusong hindi mahagip
Hindi naman para laging langit
Minsan ang pag-ibig parang hangin
Humahagupit.

Kung ang lahat ay may dahilan
Kailangan pa bang sabihing ang pag-ibig
Ay hanging hindi nakikita, di mapipigilan
Hindi pwedeng hawakan, ngunit nararamdaman
Pagkat pag ikaw ay lumisan, mapigtas sa pagkakatangan
Tiyak na ang hanging amihan, hindi tatahan.

Paano nga kaya umibig ang ulap sa ulan
Hindi niya kayang hawakan siya ng walang hanggan
Darating ang umaga, kailangan bitiwan
Aasa sa init ng pag-ibig, na ang ulay muling iangat
Mula sa basang pisngi ng lupang uhaw sa kanyang yakap

Kung ang paghihiwalay ay may dahilan
Parang proseso ng buhay, paulit ulit, walang paalam
Ngunit, bakit ang ulap lagi ang naghihintay
At umaasang ulan ay makamtan
Sa kabila ng kanyang paghihintay, iiwanan din naman.

Sa paghihiwalay ng ulap at ulan
Sa pagsamyo ng bulaklak sa banayad na hangin
Alam mo na ba ang kahulugan ng pag-ibig?
Wala sa ulap, ulan o hanging malamig.
Nasa pusong nagbibigay lamang ng walang kapalit.

Sumilip na ang araw
Hinaplos na ng hangin
Ang bulaklak na marikit
Nagparaya na ang ulap
Upang unos ay di mamalagi

Masaya ka ba?
Na hindi natin nakita ang bahagharing dulot ng napigilang unos?
Na hindi natin naramdaman ang ligayang dulot ng hanging amihan?
Na ikaw ang ulang hindi na babalik sa ulap ng kalangitan?
Na akoy talagang hangin lamang, na hindi mo nakikita
Na hindi mo naramdaman o kayay binigyang halaga?

---

Repost

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Ansabe

I hate you. Dahil iniwan mo ako. I love you kahit iniwan mo ako. Galit ako dahil may nanloloko, may mga masasama. Nagmamahal ako kahit may manloloko, kahit may masasama. Sa bawat dahil, may mabubuti o masasama. Sa bawat kahit, may tama o mali. Sinong dapat humusga? Sinong may karapatan para humusga?

-Reign Santana

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Dear Puma Shoes,

Dear Puma Shoes,

Like na like kita dati nung nakadisplay ka sa SM. Ok ilang buwan kitang pinagmasdan at hinangaan. Bago ako nagsimulang magwork binili kita, kasi hiningi ni Kuya ko yung pinakamamahal kong black and red Adidas. Alam mo kasi yung Adidas na yun ay binili ko kasama si Agripina so may memorable moment na naka attach yun sa akin. Tanda ko pa na naka balat na sapatos ako nun, at buong araw na akong naglalakad sa kalakhang Makati. So nung nagkita kami ni Agripina sa Makati, sinabihan ko siya na kailangan kong bumili ng rubber shoes kasi sakit na ng paa ko, tapos ikot kami sa Landmark at ayun, andun si Adidas at nakadisplay. eh bakit ko siya ibinigay, mabait ako. haha. Anyway, may itatanong lang sana ako sa iyo Puma. Napakaimportante nitong tanong na ito. Eto na.

“Ilang beses ba kita dapat isintas? Ha? Ha? Ha?”

Nakakainis kasi laki ng tyan ko nahihirapan akong yumuko at isintas ka ng hindi lang isa kundi maraming beses sa isang araw. Mahigpit naman lagi ang pagkakabuhol ko. Hindi kita maintindihan talaga. Ayun lang, baka palitan na lang kita pag nakaipon ako ng pera.
Sabi nga ng isa kong kaibigan. “Sensya na tsong, pero tangina…”. Bakit pag siya ang nagsasabi ng mura cute. Lol

Hehe. Behave ka na please.
Nagmamahal,
Ulap

King of Anything




King Of Anything"

Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)

Keep drinkin' coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside

So many things I'd say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet
And count the cars that pass by

You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked

So let me thank you for time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe
But I'm not drowning
There's no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best

But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
Ride off into your dellusional sunset

I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction oh
But you won't ever see

You're so busy makin' maps
With my name on them in all caps
You got the talkin' down just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

All my life
I've tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt
And hide
Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn
To decide

Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Let me hold your crown, babe
Oh oh
Ah

Thursday, May 19, 2011

And I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh




Papasok ako sa trabaho kahapon, as usual naka plug ang earphones ng ipodtouch sa tenga ko, when this song played. Its been years nung last ko yata ito napakinggan. Habang naka-loop yung kanta, na feel ko habang kinikilig sa boses ni Ronan, alam mo yung parang feeling na yung matagal mo nang hinahanap na bagay for years, all of a sudden nakita mo sa isang sulok, andun lang pala sya.

Syet nainlove ako sa kanta. Love, napakailap nun, promise.

=)


I love the way you love me
Boyzone

I like the feel of your name on my lips
And I like the sound of your sweet gentle kiss
The way that your fingers run through my hair
And how your scent lingers even when you're not here


And I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh
And how you enjoy your two-hour bath
And how you've convinced me to dance in the rain
With everyone watching like we were insane


But I love the way you love me
Strong and wild, slow and easy
Heart and soul so completely
I love the way you love me


And I like the sound of old R 'n' B
And you roll your eyes when I'm sloppily off key
And I like the innocent way that you cry
At sappy old movies you've seen thousands of times


Chorus

(Listen to me now)
And I could list a million things
I love to like about you
But they could all come down to one reason
I could never live without you

Monday, May 16, 2011

My Strongest Suit - Reprise




Amneris:
I may leave a great impression
As I race through a succession
Of the latest crazes, chase the newest fad
I feel better when beguiling
Find that fashion keeps me smiling
But in my heart I know it's rather sad

Aida:
That a life of great potential
Is dismissed, inconsequential

Amneris:
And only ever seen as being cute
So I'll flutter to deceive

Aida:
Oh no you must believe
That one day you're bound to find

Aida/Amneris:
A Stronger Suit

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter



But whether im a rose of sheer perfection
a freckle 0n the nose of lifes complexion
a cinder or the shiny apple of its eye
I gotta fly once
I gotta try once
only can die once, right sir?

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Tanong.

“Gaano katagal ang kaya mong hintayin para maghintay sa taong hindi naman alam na may naghihintay pala sa kanya?”


- #FB

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Down e

It all started with the talk about android phone applications. My friend and I were texting about gay related application on the android market, he introduced me to applications: BoyAhoy and RomeoLive and just recently I found out that android now supports Grindr too. These sites are of course used for hookups or those searching for something out of the ordinary, not that i need one, but for the fun of it i downloaded from the market. Anyhow, I never really tried BoyAhoy, ive signed up for RomeoLive (App for Planet Romeo) and placed my real photo on it, after just a few moments my inbox started to get busy. People askin if i have a place or can i be their boyfriend and stuff like sex, gimiks, sex and more sex. To no avail I was not that interested thus I brushed it all off.

Well this post aint about android applications but yes this is all about gay networking sites. You see during the course of our fruitful txt exchange, this friend and I, he told me that there was this site where I can actually see online “cam shows”. I wasn’t a stranger with this of course. I was familiar with the website, I used to have an account years ago during the time when a friend who owed me a big sum of money had press released that he was dying (coma) though I oftentimes see his account online, that proved to me the lies, deceit etc etc blah blah blah yada yada yada. Moved on. Anyhow I only knew just recently that a chatroom on this site exists. Due to boredom, I created a new account and boom , I logged in. I have to say there are lots of cute faces in the video chatroom, though I had a cam on my laptop I refuse to join the video chat because I felt ugly. I was just there admiring their beautiful faces and well toned bodies

And then a few days or so after, I logged in once again and whatta a surprise, my college crush who I thought was straight was there barenaked, err on skimpy briefs. Fuck this ought to be a good night, I told myself. I was a sucker for singers and there he was strumming his guitar, while his well toned muscles clearly were displayed via webcam, singing one of my favorite songs which peculiarly he covered and pasted previously on facebook (which I copied and stored, haha). Surprise, surprise! I was smiling all the time, His glorious face was clearly displayed on my laptop screen. I didn’t have the courage to message him, I was afraid of telling him “hey I know you!”. But hell yeah he was the most popular guy in that lobby that night. In that exact moment I opened my webcam and docked him, and guess what he docked me too. Haha. Surprise, surprise! But I never talked to him, the shy me or the “I respect you” me just took over. Me thinks he did recognized me because after sometime he said goodbye and left the chatroom.

Then I started to love Downelink because of him, haha. I had this chance to peek, just a peek in his secret life. Soon, maybe when im hot enough, Ill befriend him once again, I might be ready to tell him “hey I saw you on downelink.” And I just cant forget the words that he typed just recently to another cute videochatter:

****: Foursome tayo tol!

Priceless!

Friday, February 18, 2011

Pathway No More


Pathway No More, originally uploaded by Cloud_AirHeart.

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

-Adelle, Chasing Pavements

(Pretty much says everything)

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Apoy Yan.


Apoy, originally uploaded by Cloud_AirHeart.

Girl loves Boy.
Boy loves Girl too but ignores her.
Girl felt sad and lonely, enrolls to gym and met Hunk.
Hunk makes girl smile.
Girl likes hunk. Hunk likes Girl.
Hunk has two girls waiting at home.
Girl sleeps on the sofa as Boy dozes on the comforts of their bed.

---

Ganyan kakumplikado ang situation ni Insan. On the rocks na ang relationship niya with her boyfriend but still shes still holding on kasi mahal niya ang tao. Mahal niya. Pero sabi ko naman sa kanya yang pagmamahal na yan is not enough to make you stay sa isang relationship na pasira na at may lamat na. So ang ginawa she tried her best na makahanap ng iba pang rason to keep holding on despite sa araw araw na reklamo na naririnig ko sa mga pinag aawayan nila lately: ang pinakagrabe na siguro ay yung pag ignore ng lalaki to celebrate valentines together with her. Hindi ko naman masabi na pathetic excuse na magtampo si pinsan na hindi siya pinagbigyan ng panahon sa valentines pero sa obvious reasons na sa lahat na lang ng pagkakataon ganun na yata ang ginawa ng Boy.

Kaya sigro hindi ko masisi-sisi si Insan na maging kabit ni Gwapitong Gym Instructor. By fate si Gwaping ang naging Instructor niya sa Popular na Gym. Pinakilala niya itong si Gwapito weeks ago sa akin at ang tanging masasabi ko lang "Para akong nananaginip pag kaharap siya". Oha pag hindi pa naman to the highest heaven ang description na yan ewan ko na. Anyhow, napapasaya niya itong si Insan to the extent na nawawala ang mga worries at problema ni Insan. Kaso may ka live in na itong si Gwaping at may anak na babae. "Apoy yan" ang aking turan sa aking pinsan.

As much as possible im trying to talk sense to her. Ibig kong sabihin nagiging OK na siya sa fact na OK lang na maging kabit siya ni Gwapito at long last na masaya siya, which i think is so wrong. Ang lagi kong sinasabi sa kanya na "OK lang na maging masaya tayo pero not to the extent na may masasaktan tayo." Pero sino ba naman ako para i hinder ang kaligayahan ni Insan. One of these days isusuko na niya ang Bataan sa Gwapito. Sa palagay naman niya daw ay sincere ang lalaki and the sorts. Tinatry ko to fish out information sa sincerity ng lalaki, mukha namang OK. kaso naaawa ako sa asawa at anak ni Pogiboy. Kahapon nga ang tagal ng usapan namin ni Insan tungkol dito kasi tinawagan siya ni Misis kasi nakakatunog na sa kanilang affair. Suskopo eh ilang linggo palang may alam na kagad ang misis. Oh My.

Naguguluhan din ako. Kasi sino ba naman ako na pigilan si Insan at ang Gwaping na maging masaya sa piling ng isat isa. Malamang ang Poging lalaki ay hindi na din masaya sa partner niya. Pero naman kung magpapatali ka tiyakin na siya na talaga. Kaya takot din ako para kay insan kasi nga baka one of these days pag ok na sila ulet ng partner niya eh ibasura na si Insan.

One thing na lagi kong sambit kay insan na. siguraduhin nyang wag syang iiyak dyan dahil alam niya ang ending simula pa lamang. Pero in case umiyak siya andito lang ako. Kasi love ko siya, hindi ko siya iiwan. Pero alam niya na mali, tinatry kong maintindihan. Nakikinig at makikinig ako sa kanyang mga Hinaing sa boyfriend niya at sa tawa saya at uncertainty sa gym instructor niya.

Ewan ko ba basta ang complicated. OK lang maging masaya basta walang masasaktan, sinasaktan o nasasaktang iba. Yun. doon dapat tayo.

Sabi nga sa pelikulang Miss You Like Crazy:

"(Iho) Isa lang ang puso mo. Dapat isa lang ang laman niyan. Kailangang mamili ka, pero pag namili ka, tiyak may masasaktan. Pero hanggang hindi ka namimili pareho mo silang sinasaktan..." - Tatay Temi

-Doctor Love (ayon sa aking bunsong kapatid)

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Mithril's Top 25




1. Forget You - Gwyneth Paltrow / Glee - The Music Vol 4 (2010) / 188 Plays

2. Firework - Katy Perry / Teenage Dream / 73 Plays

3. Poker Face - Idina Menzel & Lea Michele / Glee: The Music Volume 3 / 62 Plays

4. To Sir, With Love - Rachel, Finn, Santana, Mercedes, Artie, Kurt & Tina / Glee: The Music, Journey To Regionals / 54 Plays

5. Defying Gravity -Kurt & Rachel / Glee: The Music, Volume 1 / 48 Plays

6. Bills, Bills, Bills - Darren Criss / The Sue Sylvester Bowl Shuffle / 45 Plays

7. Valerie – Santana / Glee - The Music Vol 4 / 40 Plays

8. My Hands - Leona Lewis / Echo / 35

9. Mahal Kita Kasi - Toni Gonzaga / My Amnesia Girl / 30 Plays

10. Brave - Tawgs Salter / The Vampire Diaries OST / 29 Plays

11. Halo - Beyoncé / I Am...Beyonce / 28 Plays

12. We Belong Together - Mariah Carey / The Emancipation of Mimi / 26 Plays

13. There's a Fine, Fine, Line – Kate Monster / Avenue Q OST/ 24 Plays

14. Auld Lang Syne - The New Years Anthem - Mariah Carey / Merry Christmas II You / 24 Plays

15. Downtown - Emma Bunton / Life In Mono / 23 Plays

16. You’ll Always Find Your Way Back Home - Hannah Montana / Hannah Montana: The Movie Soundtrack / 23 Plays

17. Tears Dry on Their Own - Amy Winehouse / Back to Black / 22 Plays

18. 4 Minutes – Madonna / Celebration / 22 Plays

19. Need You Now – Lady Antebellum / Need You Now / 21 Plays

20. One Less Bell To Answer/A House Is Not A Home - Kristin Chenoweth & Will / Glee: The Music Volume 3 / 21 Plays

21. H.A.T.E.U. - Mariah Carey / Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel / 21 Plays

22. Valerie - Mark Ronson feat. Amy Winehouse / Version / 21 Plays

23. Tell You Something [Nana's Reprise] - Alicia Keys / As I Am / 17 Plays

24. Intimacy - The Corrs / Talk On Corners / 17 Plays

25. Lucky – Quinn & Sam / Glee - The Music Vol 4 / 17 Plays

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Let It Be Me


I Bless The Day, originally uploaded by Cloud_AirHeart.

---

Fell in love with this super cute film Flipped.
Me thinks this line from Chet Duncan, Bryce's Grandpa says what i felt after watching the movie.

"Some of us get dipped in flat, some in satin, some in gloss; but every once in a while, you find someone who's iridescent, and once you do, nothing will ever compare..."

---

I found myself playing the ending song "Let it be me" over and over again. Ive heard my Ninang humming to its tune, and im quite sure she knows it because it came from the decade she might felt love for the first time.. I am in love and i do hope that the song translate into my life and someone can claim me and i can really say, Let It be Me.

Valentines is indeed in the air.

---

Let It Be Me
Phil Everly
OST Flipped

I bless the day I found you.
I want to stay around you.
And so I beg you, let it be me.

Don't take this heaven from one.
If you must cling to someone.
Now and forever, let it be me.

Each time we meet, Love,
I find complete love.
Without your sweet love,
What would life be?

So never leave me lonely.
Tell me you love me only.
And that you'll always, let it be me.
Say you'll always, let it be me.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I think ill be brave starting with you

Brave
Tawgs Salter
OST The Vampire Diaries

I think I'll be brave
Starting with you
But I'll fall away if you tell me to
I'd rather be wrong
Then hope that I'm right
'Cause I can't go on with this all inside

I think I'll be brave
And say how I've wanted you

Going around inside my head
Trying to talk me out of it
So lonely...Too lonely
If there's a possibility
You turn and run away with me
I need to...To show you before it fades

I think I'll be brave
Starting with you
But I'll fall away if you tell me to
I'd rather be wrong
Than hope that I'm right
'Cause I can't go on with this all inside

I think I'll be brave
And say how I've wanted you

Over the bridge and down a ways
Far off ahead I see a face
I follow, it's swallows me
Where do i begin
Whenever you say you let me in
I need to...To show you before it fades

I think I'll be brave
Starting with you
But I'll fall away if you tell me to
I'd rather be worng
Than hope that I'm right
'Cause I can't go on with this all inside

I think I'll be brave
And say how I've wanted you

Say how I've wanted you
Say how I've wanted you
And say how I've wanted you

I think I'll be brave

Going around inside my head
Trying to talk me out of it
So lonely...

Friday, January 7, 2011

Fixin' a Broken Heart


Fixin' a Broken Heart, originally uploaded by Cloud_AirHeart.

"There was nothing to say the day she left
just filled the suitcase full of regrets
i held the taxi in the rain
lookin for some place to ease the pain.

just like an answered prayer
I turned around and found you there..."

Sunday, January 2, 2011

5 Years


5 Years, originally uploaded by Cloud_AirHeart.

It was indeed five long years. Fruitful? maybe in terms of money, but in other aspects of my life, i doubt. I came here when i was just 23, fresh yes, and now ill go home and im already 28. Maybe more mature, bruised but still smiling, trying to find that elusive happiness that has been missing for a very long time in my life.

Faded, missing, just like the number five on my ruler.