Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Paper Weight


Paper Weight, originally uploaded by Cloud_AirHeart.

Ambigat bigat minsan ng mga pasanin dito sa mundo. Totoo, nakakapagod nang mabuhay na mabigat ang nararamdaman. Pero naisip ko minsan, siguro kaya dumating ang mabibigat na pagsubok upang pigilan tayong iangat nang ating mga pansariling adhikain, kumbaga sa pamamagitan ng mga pabigat na ito matutunan natin ang maging mapagbigay, mapagmahal, mapagkumbaba; malalaman natin na tao din pala tayo na nasasaktan; at tayoy nilalang para ang mga paa ay tumapak sa lupa at lumakad. Pag natutunan na natin ang mga iyon, maaalaman na rin natin kung paano iangat ang mga nagpapahirap sa atin sa Maykapal. Sa panahong iyon, ililipad na tayo ng hangin sa kalawakan, lalaya tayo sa mga nagpapahirap sa atin at matutunan naman natin kung paano ibuka ang ating mga pakpak at lumipad, sa lugar kung saan natin matatagpuan ang tunay na kaligayahan… Ngunit titigil ang hangin sa pag ihip, tayoy ibaba muli sa lupa, hindi upang mamighati at mahirapan muli, kasi alam na natin kung paano hawakan ang mga ganoong sitwasyon. Ibababa tayo ng ating sariling tadhana upang tayo’y pulutin ng isang nilalang din na magtuturo naman sa atin kung paano lumipad na walang hanging nagtutulak, walang pakpak na pumapagaspas. Paglipad na hindi kailangang umaangat ang mga paa sa lupa. Paglipad na kung tawagin ay Pag-ibig.



---


Highway run
Into the midnight sun...
Im forever yours...

-Faithfuly, Journey


---


Posted also here:
www.talaarawayyewan.blogspot.com

Sunday, June 27, 2010

The Road That Leads Us Home

In this journey, there will be so many people who will walk into our life. Some will inspire us to walk on, move up and climb our way to higher ground, but some too will cling tight- to ruin us, to make us suffer, to give us pain and make us cry. But keep in mind that we permitted them to walk beside us- as they permitted us to walk beside them too. Of course some will walk out of you when you are at the road of nothingness, lost in the middle of no where. But there will always be someone who will stay, the person who will be the ‘road that leads you home’- thus the task is to know who amongst the thousand footprints on the desert sand will weather the scorching heat, the villainous wind, the cruel cold of the winter morning, with you. There is always someone- when someone leaves, someone will arrive; when someone makes you cry, for sure one day someone will make you laugh and wipe the tears in your eyes; when all people forget who you are, there will always be someone who will always remember how you loved him and how you changed his life.

It’s never the destination that matters; it is the journey and the people beside you that make life a wonderful adventure.

---

You’ll always be,
The reason why I’m so In love
Beyond the sands, I know you’re all I have

You’ll always be the ROAD THAT LEADS ME HOME
The one who gave me hope to carry on
In these twisted paths
I know I’m not alone
Even though BENEATH THE SANDS ARE GOLD
And my dreams started to unfold
What matters most
I know you’ll lead me home

- Cloud Airheart

---

posted also here:
www.talaarawayyewan.blogspot.com

Friday, June 25, 2010

Adobong Pag-ibig

Lonely Heart

Parang kaylan lang na sobrang ma-emo ako. Ma-emo pa rin naman ngayon pero hindi na kasing tindi ng kaemohan ko dati na lahat ng kantang naririnig na-aassociate sa buhay ko, lahat ng teleserye feeling ko ginawa para sa akin, pati mga comedy na pelikula iniiyakan.

Nagsawa na akong magmaktol sa mundo kasi feeling ko hindi naman siya kailanman titigil sa pag-ikot dahil lang sa isang tulad ko na nasaktan at nasugatan. Kaya nagpasya ako pagkagising ko isang araw na ngingiti na ako at tatayo, at hahanapin ang mga pangyayari, mga panahon o mga indibidwal na tunay na magpapabuhay at magbibigay saya sa aking buhay, malay mo ako din pala ang kanilang hinahanap diba. Nagkatulungan pa kami.

Hanga ako sa mga nagmamahal ng lubos. May nabasa akong entry mula din sa mga ma-emong blog dito sa blog world: Kung nagmahal ka ng lubos sa isang tao na hindi ka naman minahal ng wagas, gaano katindi at kadalisay ang pag-ibig mo sa taong talagang nararapat para sa iyo... makes sense diba?

May narinig pa akong kasabihan habang nagiinuman ang aking mga Kaibigan.

"Hindi lilipad ang manok kung iisa ang pakpak. adobohin nalang natin kaya?"
(parang pag-ibig din, hindi lilipad kung iisa lang ang pusong gumagana, kaya ang ending adobong pag-ibig lang yun)

narealize ko kaya pala apat ang chamber ng puso ng tao:

yung unang chamber para sa pamilya
yung ikalawa para sa kaibigan
yung ikatlo at pinakaimportanteng bahagi para sa iyo
at yung isang bakante ay para sa isang tao na paglalaanan mo noon.

suma tutal para Ke BRO yung buong puso natin dapat. :)

kaya kung buong puso natin ang ibibigay para lamang sa iisang tao na aangkinin iyon, parang unfair sa mga kapamilya mo at friends diba, at mas unfair sa sarili mo at ke Bro.

Kaya yung Adobong pag-ibig na naranasan ko, masarap nung una, masaya sobra, pero habang nagtagal na at napanis - kahit iinit muli at muling pakuluan, hindi na maaring manumbalik ang dating sarap. At kahit kailan pa may hindi na pwedeng buhayin ang manok kung dumating na ang hinihintay nyang isa pang pakpak.

Siguro yung susunod sa aking buhay, hindi manok ang gagawin kong kahalintulad, this time KALAPATI na, para mala Anghel. Made in Heaven kumbaga.

Nagutom tuloy ako bigla. =D

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Waiting's End

by Cloud A. Heart, 28.02.10

I was there in that shed, waiting for you
Do i need cupid for a miracle to come true?
Strangers of the night say it wont begin
Stars in the sky, there they'll remain

Am I blinded by the darkness within me,
or Am I just numb coz of this sunless regime?
Lovers here say they envy me,
But its me who envies them, coz youre not here

Shadeless night
in ur eyes i found a blinding light,
it overcomes the dark thats me
you just cant see me,
but i see you shining in the dark
So let the warmth of the air dry my tears
Destroy all my darkest fears
Let it destroy the fortress' everlasting bond
Tonight might be at last, waiting's end

Give you all my darkness to reveal
What extinguishes the fire, let the spirit heal
Lovely in this shade, youve given me your shine
Burning eternally, not for sale, just for me

Used to be alone here, now your grip's so real
Used to be afraid of your light, now only warmth i feel
Used to be so weak inside, now youre my shield
Used to bes are gone, its time for us to live

Shadeless night
in ur eyes i found a blinding light,
it overcomes the dark thats me
you just cant see me,
but i see you shining in this dark
So let the warmth of the air dry my tears
Destroy all my darkest fears
Let it destroy the fortress' everlasting bond
Tonight might be at last, waiting's end

Posted also on: Waiting's End: Songs of Love and Loss

But Before You Go: Songs of Love and Loss

i created a new blog that will house my compositions/poems. So in just a click it would all be there. in the span of five years ive created a number of songs/poems,some of which already graced this blog, the others will be posted soon, if i feel theyre already worth posting or should i say if the composition fits the feeling of a certain moment of my life, a repetition of the forgotten emotions... =D

Anyhow But Before You Go was written three years back, actually ive forgotten the story of this song, but let me see… ive always been the one left behind, so i guess from there the song was made.

heres the new blog:
Waiting's End: Songs of Love and Loss

and heres the song:

But Before You Go
Music and lyrics by Cloud
22.07.07

You are packing your things
In the room, in our suitcase
You said youre tired of me
And you need a change of heart

While I sit down on the porch
Still cryin, still lovin you
I know that you are lying
Or its what I wanted to believe

But Before you go

Chorus 1:
Can you tie my two hands
So they can let you go
Im sorry I cant help but hold you
Can you shut my two eyes
So tears wont fall down
Im sorry I cant help but cry

I learned that you will leave the keys
Of the house and the SUV
You said you dont need them
And I need to move on

While I still hold on my dreams
I tried to hug you, then kiss you
Even as a sign of goodbye
Indeed, the saddest word in the world

But Before you go

Chorus 2:
Can you seal my red lips
So I wont beg you to stay
Baby I need you beside me
Can you leave your perfume
So I can smell you everyday
Ill dream of the day
(The day youll come back to me)

Instrumental

But Before you go
Can you give back the key
Of my heart, it wont open
It seems that you alone can do it
Can you give back my life
It was useless without you
Baby you are my everything

Saturday, June 19, 2010

With Him.

“Uuwi ako”.

It was already past 10 in the morning and I just woke up and went to the CR to pee when Nelo calmly spoken the silent words, just outside my room yesterday morning. The tone of his voice seems so melancholy and I knew that there was a deluge of emotions trapped inside him.

“Bakit, anong nangyari? pasok ka muna sa kwarto.”

From the redness of his eyes I assumed that tears consumed him last night. His eyebags clearly states that sleep wasn’t his companion too. All I knew in that moment was that he bought a new phone, the same model as mine, yesterday- from there I was lost.

“Ang nanay ko, pumanaw na…”
Isnt it so sad that the first call that you will receive in your new phone would be a news that would break your heart...?

There was a long silence after he professed the source of his sadness. I couldn’t even look straight in his eyes and say the correct words that a friend should tell a friend to overcome such loneliness.

“Awww. Condolence… Im so sorry to hear that Nelo, tell me what I can do to make you feel better…”

“Ok lang ako, baka umuwi ako bukas na bukas din…”

For all the nonsense things that I worry about, my worries weren’t even a fraction of what he was into. I tried hard to make him smile, cause that’s what a friend should do I suppose, ive helped him load some songs in his phone, just to cheer him up… offered him coffee and chocolate, and most of all be there for him, beside him in this time of loneliness…

---

In that sober morning conversation with Nelo, I cant help but think about my Inay and Tatay too. To lose someone you love so much is so hard to accept. I remember my Inay’s messages the previous days begging me to reply on her text messages. The problem is, I don’t feel like texting anyone during the last few days only to find out that my local SIM card’s outgoing services already expired, and the moment I wanted to really text my Inay, I cant. So I braced and battled the intensive heat of the desert and rushed to the nearest store to buy a card, to enable me to send my love to them, my family. It was a heavenly feeling after I reconnected with them again, the lump in my throat was gone… all I need to do is go home and be with them and make them feel how much we love them, their sons.

I really wanted to help Nelo, for I feel for him, mothers have a soft spot in my heart. He will go home tonight to his family in Leyte and my prayers are with him.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Theme Song ng Buhay Nilang Mag-asawa

Circa June 2008

Si Joey, makulitensis syang kasama. Kaya naman pagkami ang magkashift sa trabaho puro kulitan lang ang nangyayari sa amin, at syempre, eto ang mga kakapiranggot na pagkakataon na ako ay tumatawa at napapangiti, kasi kahit gaano kalakas ang pang aalaska ko sa kanya at kahit na nakakaburyong na ang aking mga banat sa kanyang jokes ay hindi siya mapipikon, kung mapikon man sya, i ka cut salary ko sya. haha, joke.

Anyhow, kalabaw naming si Bangaw, bukod sa masarap kasama itong si Joey, nahihingan ko rin sya ng payo tungkol kay TOOOOOOOT, at sa sakit na nararamdaman ko tungkol sa TOOOOOOOT at ang mga takot ko sa pag uwi pabakasyon, kung makita ko si TOOOOOOT ano ang gagawin ko. Pero hindi nya ako masabihan ng TANGA KA kasi nga, kahit naman ganun daw ako, eh respetable naman ang aking stature, hehe. Pero alam mo aking blog, sa pagsasabi ko ng mga problema ko sa puso kay Joey, naiiyak sya at nafifeel nya ang nafifeel ko, mga linyang:

"may ganun pala..."
"mahirap hawakan ang isang bagay kung hindi naman para sa iyo talaga... sa huli bibitawan mo din kung kukunin na ng tunay na may-ari."
"dalawang bagay lang yan eh, mahal mo at mahal na mahal mo..."
"mali yun eh, dapat ang mga pangungusap magsisimula sa Ikaw at hindi Siya"

Eh minsan tinatanong ko rin ang lovelife nya. Kaklase ko kasi si Joey nung College sa ilang subject, ikinasal na ang mokong at may isang anak na sila na kakapanganak lang ng misis nya last august.... eh kaya kanina lang nag eeskobahan kaming dalawa at may naitanong ako sa kanya na isang napakainteresanteng malaman sa isang magkarelasyon:

Cloud: Uy Joey ano ang theme song nyong mag - asawa?

Joey: Wala eh, hindi naman uso sa amin yun...

Cloud: ano ka ba naman, walang ka thrill thrill ang buhay nyo kung walang something to look forward to tulad ng kanta na isang VISION sa isang relationship... gusto mo mag suggest ako....

Joey: sige ano ba ang maganda?

(eh di nag enumerate ang lola nyo ng mga magagndang theme songs...)

Cloud: Yung kanta ni Sharon Cuneta, patok yun dati ah...

"BALUTIN MO AKO NG HIWAGA NG IYONG PAGMAMAHAL, LIMUTIN ANG MAPAGLARONG KINANG NG TAGUMPAY"

Joey: Pwede, pero bakit naman si Sharon? Pili ka pa iba...

Cloud: Yung kay George Canseco, classic yun...

"ANG PAG-IBIG AY SADYANG GANYAN, TIWALA SA ISAT ISAY KAILANGAN..."

Joey: Masyado namang Luma yan parekoy.

Cloud: Hmmm eh yung kay Kuh Ledesma, yung pinakasikat nyang kanta?

"DITO BA? DITO BA? DITO BA? DITO BA, ha ha ha? Oh DITO BA..."

Joey: Bakit puro Dito Ba?

Cloud: yung kay Jessa Zaragoza na lang

"IKAKASAL KA NA... IIWAN NA AKONG NAG-iisa, sana pag-ibig sa akin lamang"

Cloud: Ahhh alam ko na, diba peyborit ng asawa mo si regine? ano nga ulet yung pinasikat nyang kanta....

Joey: SIge Fire!

Cloud: "URONG SULONG KA BAKIT BA GANYAN, URONG SULONG KA..."

o kaya yung kay ARA MINA

"AY AY AY PAG-IBIG, NAKAKAKILIG PARANG SINE, BAWAT EKSENA AY IYONG AABANGAN..."

Cloud: hmmm alam ko na alam mo yung kanta ni Gary V. SIkat na sikat yun... Kanta niya ito pagbalik mo sa Pinas...

"KAY TAGAL MO NANG NAWALA, BUMALIK KA PA, UMALIS... UMALIS KA NA"

Cloud: Oh kaya yung pinakasikat na kanta ni Sheryn Regis:

"LIPAD, ANGAT, PANALO KA, ANG GALING GALING MO, BILIB AKO SA IYO, KRYSTALA"

Cloud: Oh kaya yung Kantang hit na hit dati ni Martin Nievera:

"IKAW ANG ANG AKING PANGARAP, IKAW ANG SAGOT SA AKING DASAL... AWOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Joey: Ahhhh LOBO Yan. lols

Cloud: Ah sige seryoso na, yung kanta na lang ng Aegis, yung belted nila.

Joey: ano yun, Luha o Halik.

Cloud: Hindi yung pinakasikat nila:

"KAYAT IBIGAY NYO NA ANG AMING CHRISTMAS BONUS, PATI ANG 13th MONTH PAY, Para OK na OK..."

Joey: Niloloko mo na ako... hahaha


---


really, times like this are rare. Smiling has been scarce now adays. ewan ko ba.

---

Sa tinagal tagal ng aming paghahanap ng Theme song nilang mag-asawa ang sinaggest ko na lang kasi pihikan talaga siya ay yung patok na patok noon:

"Hoy, hoy, hoy, hoy, hoy, hoy. Hoy, hoy, hoy, hoy, hoy, hoy,"

Pero ayaw pa rin ng loko loko. kaya and ending nalang tutal pasko naman na...

"Kumukutikutitap, bumubusibusilak, ganyan ang indak ng mga bumbilya, kikindat kindat ang mga kirat, pinaglalaruan ang ating mga mata."

;)
---
Eh paano naman Theme Song Ko?
Sorry wala akong themeseong, wahaha.

Ikaw ano ang theme song nyo ng asawa/partner mo o kung balak mong magkaroon ng asawa/partner ano masasuggest mo?

Monday, June 14, 2010

Scents, Skills, Songs

It’s been a while since I’ve posted a decent entry on this blog. I haven’t found the right inspiration yet, thus the lack of tales for this blog... If not for some reposts or the youtube vids, this blog must have been comatose right now, so yeah thanks to the previous me and the songs that helped me go on with this life.

Anyhow this is an attempt to post something worthwhile, while my new colleague is busy with his work outside, teehee...

Or I think I should blog about him? Yeah correct ill blog about him since he is someone new in my life.

Lets call him Marlou (after a basketball star), since he is so tall oftentimes I find myself looking up just to see his facial reactions while training him on some laboratory procedures. So yeah he is tall, brown skinned, slim, semi-kalbo hair and older than me. He is already married and has two kids, both girls 1 and 3 years young. Based on my first impression hes a good person- a little laidback, he doesn’t speak that much, but when speaks with gravity and easily trained and motivated, well that’s the first thing I like about him. The next thing that makes me smile when he is near, is his scent, its just that i am so used to the smell of Indians and Arabs here and he is a very much welcome addition to the scent i usually smell everyday, such pleasant, sweet and manly smell... not in a sexual context but its really a plus pogi points whenever a man sitting next to you smells good.

I for one doesn’t smell that good, i don’t have a regular perfume. My deodorant is more than enough for me. Well, all my life i really dont care having just a plain smell, but i should think yet again since im going home this December, maybe i could use a little scent... since Marlou's scent affects me and im quite starting to be attracted to guys having such a nice smell. Maybe next time when i sit down at the foodcourt the guy sitting next to me might catch or smell my pleasant, sweet smell and i could also light a little smile in his eyes, probably catching his heart too.

Anyhow this morning ive realized that my English skill is deteriorating, and the culprit is my stay here. For five years i have been talking to people who have less than average English skills thus making me prone to communicate with them using below average English sentences also, which is really very bad for my future career. Im afraid that in my next job interview i would stutter, use wrong grammar or worse cant even answer the interviewer with a sentence with a sense. Oh well, its me to blame too, i should’ve read more books, wrote lots of posts in English, I shoudlve talked to people using good English. But i will never regret coming here, i have helped people, especially my family and with that the five years here is a success! So if you find some errors in this post or any posts here, im really sorry, im working on my grammar. hehe, i remember getting a perfect 1.0 in my classcard in English during second year college, my pretty instructor would kill me now. Kidding.

Hey by the way im enjoying two songs right now. Sukob na performed by Aiza Seguerra makes me nostalgic. It makes me wanna fall in love again but the thing is i dont know who would be the worthy one for this love or am I worthy to feel this thing again, I don’t really know., i am not in such a hurry, its just that it makes me sad to think that i have always been on the losing end when it comes to Love. The song gives me hope… as Aiza's hearfelt rendition says

"kay sarap isipin na may kasama sa buhay pag bumaha...sukob na"

which makes the second song very applicable: Michael Buble's Havent Met you Yet. this one has that positive vibe, and as the song goes

"I might have to wait, I’ll never give up
I guess it's half timin and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come outta nowhere and into my life"

See.

Anyhow ill be home in six months time, im quite excited, a little afraid, yes, but i think im quite ready for almost anything now. how many storms have i been into, and i made it! Im still here, smiling. =)

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Nakalimutang Pag-ibig sa Tag-ulan

Ni Ulap 14.03.10

Paano nga ba umibig ang hangin ng tag-ulan?
Banayad o marahas na pagsuyo sa bulaklak ng kalupaan.
Saan nya iniuukit ang pusong hindi mahagip
Hindi naman para laging langit
Minsan ang pag-ibig parang hangin
Humahagupit.

Kung ang lahat ay may dahilan
Kailangan pa bang sabihing ang pag-ibig
Ay hanging hindi nakikita, di mapipigilan
Hindi pwedeng hawakan, ngunit nararamdaman
Pagkat pag ikaw ay lumisan, mapigtas sa pagkakatangan
Tiyak na ang hanging amihan, hindi tatahan.

Paano nga kaya umibig ang ulap sa ulan
Hindi niya kayang hawakan siya ng walang hanggan
Darating ang umaga, kailangan bitiwan
Aasa sa init ng pag-ibig, na ang ulay muling iangat
Mula sa basang pisngi ng lupang uhaw sa kanyang yakap

Kung ang paghihiwalay ay may dahilan
Parang proseso ng buhay, paulit ulit, walang paalam
Ngunit, bakit ang ulap lagi ang naghihintay
At umaasang ulan ay makamtan
Sa kabila ng kanyang paghihintay, iiwanan din naman.

Sa paghihiwalay ng ulap at ulan
Sa pagsamyo ng bulaklak sa banayad na hangin
Alam mo na ba ang kahulugan ng pag-ibig?
Wala sa ulap, ulan o hanging malamig.
Nasa pusong nagbibigay lamang ng walang kapalit.

Sumilip na ang araw
Hinaplos na ng hangin
Ang bulaklak na marikit
Nagparaya na ang ulap
Upang unos ay mapawi

Masaya ka ba?
Na hindi natin nakita ang bahagharing dulot ng napigilang unos?
Na hindi natin naramdaman ang ligayang dulot ng hanging amihan?
Na ikaw ang ulang hindi na babalik sa ulap ng kalangitan?
Na akoy talagang hangin lamang, na hindi mo nakikita
Na hindi mo naramdaman o kayay binigyang halaga?

---

...kay sarap isipin na may kasama sa buhay pag bumaha.
Sukob na, halika na, sabay tayo sa payong ko.
Hawak ka kapit pa, umulat bumagyo magkasama tayong dalawa...

-Sukob Na by Aiza Seguerra

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Never Say Stop

I wrote this song for Elmo, my first love. He was the one who frequently say I Love You... i dont know if he says it because its true or he just says it because he cares. Magkaiba kasi yung dalawang yun. Im trying to remember the melody, hindi ko syado maalala. Pero this is a good song, ive so many memories with this one. Good ones. Kasi the later compositions ko ay puno ng heartbreak, bitterness and hope that someone love me too, hehe. Naisip ko gumawa ng separate blog for my compositions, masyado lang busy eh.

Never Say Stop
By Cloud Airheart
(Originally Titled Tell Me, Written circa 2006)

(one)
You sang songs to me
That melted my heart
Spoken sweet nothings,
That erased my past
But when I fell for you,
You told me, not to be serious
But its too late, I guess
Hey, I’m falling, catch me, please do

(two)
For me it’s the start of something new
Something really special
Something that will last
Even restrictions are vast.
I will give my all
And never let go
From the notes of this song
And words that are true

(chorus)
Just tell me when you say you love me
You really do…
Just tell me when I say “I Love You”
You believe Its true…
But if you tell me to stop loving you
I’ll never give in
Its like saying “Stop your heart beating…”

(three)
You have given me unexplained feelings
Endless Ecstasy
Sleepless nights and restless thoughts
That you alone have brought
I hope you appreciate the acts of my love
Feel me, believe me,
Tell well never part

(chorus)
Just tell me when you say you love me
You really do…
Just tell me when I say “I Love You”
You believe Its true…
But if you tell me to stop loving you
I’ll never give in
Its like saying “Stop your heart beating…”

(Bridge)
Don’t ever say goodbye
Never say stop
Say you’ll never go
Just tell me and show…

(chorus)
Just tell me when you say you love me
You really do…
Just tell me when I say “I Love You”
You believe Its True…
But if you tell me to stop loving you
I’ll never give in
Its like saying “Stop your heart beating…”

...Dont ever say “Stop your heart beating…”
...Babe Please dont, "Stop my heart beating…”