Monday, May 24, 2010

Dabo

As I, Cj and Gripen sat comfortably on the corner table of the Yellow cab at MOA, the orders have been taken, the food was served and we were just waiting for the two other “special persons” who will join us (one was John). Waiting was my cup of tea ever since, patience, i have lots of them, its just a matter of time for them to join us. We were enjoying our chit chat when this very peculiar person came towards our table. He wears a red polo shirt, the kind of color that makes his skin glow as if hes a star of a moonless night, jeans that not necessarily fit his thighs but just enough to know hes slim as a model on the runway. He also carries a bag just like an ordinary kid on the block ready for school, a necklace and a black watch to accessorize him. His white sneakers just fits his style. Armed with a cute smile and a soft hand for a firm handshake, a true friendship was sealed between the two of us.

He sat on the chair opposite mine and we were face to face. Now I can see clearly his face and I so adore his fair skin tone and remarked: “And puti mo…” which he replied gleefully: “Salamat sa Glutathione” and we started to laugh. His deep and manly voice can somehow be similar to a commanding officer of a battalion at war and his nice smile can win a thousand and one hearts, that’s for sure. The night was very long, ive heard him sing, saw him drinking beer, watched him enter the cab, walked with him in every way possible… that was a night worth reminiscing. Firsts were always special, that’s true… Though he came late, he will never be at the bottom of my list, in fact hes one of few people on the top. He’s Dave, and we both love Instant Pancit Canton…

Ive first known Dave through his former blog “The Instant Pancit Canton Life”, and though we haven’t had enough connection that time, it was but a nice start between the two of us. We were not as close as this when I started to visit his blog nor we were regular textmates for that matter. The mystery in his being stayed and was preserved just until that time we met in that fateful night of well mannered escapade.

Our adventures didn’t end that night, it was just the beginning of a lifetime relationship, with a person whom you barely knew yet you wanted him to be part of yourself, someone to talk to, to laugh with or to walk through the rain. It was a great feeling that you have been accepted to who and what you are and in turn to show how much you care for a friend that you just saw once. Somehow it feels strange that you have found what you need, but you cannot keep it for yourself… well of course for others to share the beauty, the flower should remain on the stem or a star should remain on the sky, until otherwise it has fallen to land on the palms of the one who deserves you(or by using a babylon candle... right Dave?). Hehe referencing to one of our favorite films Stardust.

ENCHANTMENTS really do happen, me Grips and Dave, had – in my heart, had a special connection that cannot be denied. The gang decided to spend a day in Enchanted Kingdom, excitement and thrilled, I asked Dave to be with me as early as possible for us to be there at the time when the park opens. And there we were sitting side by side on the bus that will take us there, a little bit awkward I presume, but nonetheless special. He wore a black shirt with bold letters that says “WORLD WITHOUT STRANGERS” … Indeed the stranger that once was called dave is now close and is now DAVE to me, a friend, not a stranger anymore. I forgot the details on what we have talked and laughed about, but im pretty sure it was about the good things in life. We have been together for quite sometime now and its fun to note we rode the bus, the jeep, the tricycle, the MRT together, crossed the noisy streets of busy Manila, enjoyin every minute of it. And there we were walking and smiling. It was my first time on the amusement park, and we were like children, amused on the rides, screaming our lungs out (well dave, I know your smiling right at this very moment, when I used the word “scream” I think this rings a bell? Hehe) enjoying the pretty faces that we met (hmmm the orange guy, where is he?) and lots and lots of things. It was a great thing to know that someone is around to share the happiness you feel.

IN The days of November 2007, I have become close to Dave, A true friend indeed. We shared two more events together, both lunch dates with other blog friends. On the last date that we were together, he promised to give me something special and indeed it was. He gave me DIANNE. ;)

She is something that grows and will live forever and ever. An intuitive feeling, a scent or a flavor that stays, it’s a permanent season- either Sumer sunshine forever or Springtime in Paradise for eternity, something that you cant live without. She’s an assurance, a promise and the best thing in life… She is friendship between two souls separated by distance and time, sorrow and happiness, but nonetheless joined by love, respect, trust, care and hope.

Well its really strange that someone like Dave befriended someone like me. What I mean is we were almost opposite, but we clicked. Its something that you cant buy in the store, or can be planted on the soil… this is not something that you can see everyday or hear in the news… Between me and Dave, its some connection that can never be altered by time or space, though its really hard to be separated by distance to a friend who has been a special part of your soul, its somehow strange that he will always be in you no matter what, if you know what I say… it’s a mystery really.

Dear Dave,

Ambilis ng panahon ano? Its been years since we first met each other. Its just a matter of time that we will see each other again. We are not certain what will happen tomorrow but im pretty sure well make it in the end of the road together with our friends. Youre definitely loved by people who you have touched in more ways than you have expected. Youre definitely a star from the sky to turn the stone to Ruby, or the flower that protects the wearer and brings charm and luck to everyone. Youre a prince in disguise, a knight among the peasants and a fairy to offer his fairy dusts for flight. Definitely, youll always be in my heart and of course always remembered. Thank you dave… my heart is overwhelmed with the thought that you always finds time to send me something that makes me go on, in this sad place. Its not just something, but its one of the greatest thing that a person can do to a soul… a lifeline, an oxygen tank, friendship uncomparable… I hope I have given you reasons why I am worthy of the friendship we have, and I do hope you can feel my presence in every word I say and every lines I create.

Anyhow, as usual lagi naman ako dramatic actor, gaya lang ako sa iyo… hehe, at least hindi masyadong nosebleed and I know you know what I mean… Take care of yourself Dave, and always remember I am here. Destiny has taken his part to intertwine our lives together, and I have chosen to walk with you – ready to take your hand when we need to run, to swim you ashore,to carry you when youre tired and to lift your head high to see how beautiful life is…

You deserve to be happy and I wish you all the best things in life – good health, sound mind, healthy heart, long life and wonderful days with your true love. God bless you, your family and all the persons you love and who loves you, and again I thank God I found you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVE! I miss you terribly and ill see you soon...

Lovelots,

Cloud

Saturday, May 22, 2010

My Hands

I finally finished Final Fantasy XIII. The ending was indeed emotional, though i did not cry, still i find it full of emotions. Minsan we have to say goodbye and sacrifice ourselves for other people to be happy, thats what i think the sacrifice of some characters were all about. That in the end of all things true love vanquishes any doubt of goodbyes and indeed Hope is not just a name but the truth that lives in all of us.

Im so happy, i love this game.



"My Hands"
Leona Lewis

I wake in the morning
Tired of sleeping
Get in the shower

And make my bed alone
I put on my makeup
Talking to the mirror
Ready for a new day
Without you

And I walk steady on my feet

I talk my voice obeys me
I go out at night
Sleep without the lights
And I do all of the things
I have to keeping you off my mind
But when I think I'll be alright
I am always wrong cause

My hands
Don't wanna start again
My hands
No they don't wanna understand
My hands
They just shake and try to break
whatever peace I may find

My hands
They only agree to hold
Your hands
And they don't wanna be without
Your hands
And they will not let me go
No they will not let me go

I talk about you now
And go a day without crying
I go out with my friends now
I stay home all alone
I don't see you everywhere
I can say your name easily
I laugh a bit louder
Without you

And I see different shades now
And I'm almost never afraid now
But when I think I'll be okay
I am always wrong now

My hands
Don't wanna start again
My hands
No they don't wanna understand
My hands
They just shake and try to break
whatever peace I may find
My hands

They only agree to hold
Your hands
And they don't wanna be without
Your hands
And they will not let me go
No they will not let me go

Sometimes I wake and see them reaching out for you
Quietly breaking whatever shields
I spent so long building up
I cannot fake, cos when they cry I'm unspoken
They miss holding my baby

My hands
No they don't wanna understand
They just shake and try to break
whatever peace I may find

My hands

Your hands
They don't want to be without
Your hands
They will not let me go

Not they will not let me go

My hands
They don't wanna start again
My hands
No they don't wanna understand
My hands
They just shake and try to break
whatever peace I may find

My hands
They only agree to hold
Your hands
And they don't wanna be without
Your hands
And they will not let me go
No they will not let me go
No they will not let me go

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Pandesal

I never liked money that much, though I need it to survive I never depended my happiness on it. I wasn’t good in handling it, i even had phobia on banking- until now, I haven’t maintained any bank accounts- ever since highschool, I don’t even like to have credit cards, its such a burden.

Ironically im here abroad for it, am I happy? At first I was, when I was dreaming- that im here also for a job that will develop my character, and then when I woke up the entire world seems to be all just symbols of materialism. After all those years I have been away I realized ive never been fair to myself, its not complaining or whatever, its just the truth. The money that ive worked so hard every month of those years were not meant just for myself but for my loved ones. Yes ive pleasured myself with luxuries-simple things that keep sadness at bay, but to its fullest extent? No I think not. I haven’t used that material power for myself alone, there’s always someone near who benefits more than I do.
Though sometimes its better to leave the truth inside us, so as not to hurt those we love the most. Its better to leave behind all the gold that you have found to save not just yourself but the ones that matter. Its better to giveaway something that is superficial to gain some peace within. Its better to forget all the things that you have done for someone- not that it would make you feel better but somehow through it, youll learn to forgive yourself too…

---

Minsan lang ako magblog ukol sa pera, but I think this is a first, in depth analysis on the matter. Natutuwa lang ako sa sarili ko. Its just that, hindi pa rin ako nagbabago, in my opinion, im still the old me, akala ko kasi BATO na ako, hindi pala, hindi pala ganun kadali ang transformation. Ganito kasi yun, nakabudget na lahat ng pera ko from January this year up to December para sa napipinto kong paglisan dito. So far okay naman, minsan nag dedeviate, pero most of the time nga naiiba. Katulad nung humingi si kapatid ng PS3, binili ko kagad this month yun, that disrupted my budget or yung mga extra hingi, I intent to give, minsan lang naman eh. Pero lahat naman may paraan eh, nagagawan yan kung gusto talaga. Eh di yun nga this month nagpadala ako sa bahay ng pera, nagpapatiles kasi ang Inay kaya she needs extra money, tapos si kapatid na isa kelangan ng money kasi nagtake ng TESDA, tapos si Tatay hindi siya humihingi nahihiya siya sa akin. Pero Ang nakakahanga sa pamilya ko, they don’t wanna be a burden to me, naawa nga sila sa akin, its been 5 years na daw na nahihirapan ako, minsan lang- minsan lang sila himingi ng extrang tulong sa akin, that’s why ang lahat ng makakaya kong ibigay binibigay ko. Ayun nga, but that’s not the end of my story, naiwan sa akin 1200 riyals, may ineexpect ako na 300 mula sa nagkakautang sa akin, yung isang libo nakaskedyul na uutangin naman ni Enchong, tapos yung 200 na natira- inutang din, naawa ako eh, nag puppy eyes, it seems mas kailangan niya yun pera kesa sa akin, tutal may makukuha pa naman akong tatlong daan eh.

Except for some spare coins that I kept for sometime, for weeks I was penniless, hindi naibigay sa akin yung inaasahan kong pera dahil na delay ang overtime payment nila. it’s a mixed feeling na walang wala ka. You feel so human. Its good kasi nothing is suffocating your legs dahil sa tight pockets mo, bad kasi magugutom ka. Luckily, madami akong na grocery last month, so naextend ko ang buhay ng mga delata at mga nasa ref na piprituhin hanggang sa huling buwan (sana). Anlaking sakripisyo, pero diba naman kung gusto naman may paraan, tsaka sanay naman tayo dito so no worries, pampalakas loob sa sarili ko. Ayun dahil diet ako this month I ended up not eating breakfast, instead I opted for a brunch at 11, hapunang pandesal sa gabi, 7pm (na may keso galing sa laboratory) tapos isa hanggang dalawa ulet na tinapay mga alas diyes ng gabi, kung gising pa ako. Hindi ok yun ganun, I know, pero that’s one way to survive eh, I have no choice. Ayaw ko naman humiram din ng pera just for myself. Please wag nyo sasabihin sa inay ko magagalit yun sa akin na pinababayaan ko sarili ko, its not really pagpapabaya naman, kasi kumakain naman ako ng tatlong beses eh, not that much nga lang. So far I still have few more days to sacrifice, and still I have some spare coins na pambili ng pandesal to make it through the night… at sweldo na ulet, this time may nakaschedule ulet na hihiram, I already said yes.

Napablog lang kasi ako, kasi I remember one of many experiences ko dito… eto yung memory na gustong gusto kong malimutan pero its always there, lurking, not wanting to disappear. Some two years ago, sweldo nun, I had to split my money into two, yung kalahati sa mga nanay at tatay ko tapos yung kalahati doon sa kaibigan ko na humihiram ng pera. Ayun I came to the bank early para magpadala. Pero pagsinabi kasing magpadala you have to sacrifice your dinner time para hindi ka matabunan ng pila sa remittance center, mahaba kasi ang pila. So ayun palipas na naman ng gutom, I was so hungry that time, hindi na ako nakapamalengke at nakakain kasi late nab aka maiwanan pa ako ng service. After the deed was done, napadala ko na yung money, yung sukli sa remittance fee pinambili ko na lang ng pandesal na panghapunan, then I settled myself sa tabi ng van ng company na nakaparada, then texted inay at yung isa pa na humiram na napadala ko na. In no time nagtext back kagad ang inay, considering its already 3am sa pilipinas, nagpapasalamat for everything. Shes always grateful kahit maliit na bagay na naibibigay namin sa kanila, nagpapasalamat siya.

"salamat anak ha, kumain ka naba? wag pabayaan ang sarili, kumain ng madami, love you. tulog na ulit ako..."

Pero the other person, I was really expecting that hed textback too that night, but he didint, considering night shift sya, naunahan pa siya ng inay na dapat natutulog na that time but still took time to wake up in the sound of her mobile kasi alam niya ako yun… hinintay ko talaga yung reply ng kaibigan ko, wala. Sa van habang papauwi, napakagat na lang ako sa pandesal na binili ko, habang naiiyak. It took him days to reply - nung nakuha na niya yung pera-

"Nakuha ko na yung pera, Salamat..."

"Naku ngayon lang siya nagreply hindi man lang ako inalala na nalipasan ako ng gutom nung pinadala ko ang pera..."

"Oks lang yan, uso naman ang slim ngayon eh..."

(insert buntong hininga)

---

When the world was but spoiled and rotten already, some important things doesnt matter anymore.

May amag na ang pandesal.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Bombarda Musica

Noon. The sun was in his most shining glory, there were no clouds up in the sky, the day was clear, the temperature was high- scorching the dried skin of a man passing thru the empty field of desert sand. Clutching his phone in his right hand, his left on his empty pocket. He searched for the song of the moment, he misses someone - truly, the song he oftentimes associate to him, a long lost friend. The Mp3 player on the phone was on shuffle mode... he pressed PLAY.

"I miss you old friend, can i hold you? And though its been a long time, old friend, do you mind?" I Miss You Old friend, Loretta Devine

But he asked himself “the good question is, does he miss me too. Does he still know who am i?” The next song left him dumbfounded. The only person who knows why would be him.

“……magpakailanmay hindi magbabago, magpahanggang wakas mananatili ka sa puso… at kahit na kalian pa may ikaw parin…” Kailan Pa May Ikaw, Christian Bautista

“Really” he whisphered as he entered his messy room. But somehow he smiled. There were no more hurt, no more pain, he can actually smile now whenever he remember the old times. But the scar would always be there, reminding how fragile one soul can be. he wondered why there was no anger, anger that was supposed to fill his empty cup, he can only think of one thing, he wasnt capable of filling a cup full of rage. Surprisingly the next song on the shuffled player serendipitously reminded how human he can be and how love can make some people stay even when left behind without even a sign of redemption.

“ When you lower me down, so deep that I can get out. When youre lost, lost and lone, yes youd think it was the last place youd come back for more…” – If You Don’t Wanna Love Me, James Morrison

That made him smile bigtime, this guy has always came back for more, bled him dry until nothing was left. It wasnt all the guys fault, half of it was his'... he let him do it. Then hed thought, love will never find him. For as long as he lives the ghost of this past will always remain, the shadow of his very existence, an impeccable blemish that may never be resolved. But he continues to hope. Hope that love really moves in mysterious ways. That was the next random song, one of the few that he commonly associate to him and the past.

“its always so surprising when love appears over the horizon… which only proves love moves in mysterious ways…” Love Moves in Mysterious Ways, Nina

How surprising that four of the songs played one after another were previously dedicated only to one person. He challenged destiny that if the next song was related to their story too, then he guessed there is still a future for both of them together, as friends. And guess what the next song was:

“So now im leaving yesterday behind, finally I made up my mind to let the memory stay away…” Leaving Yesterday Behind, Karylle

It confused him really. It was his moving on/letting go song for him, but still destiny answered… And he knew very well what it was.

He knew what should be done or rather what should not be done, it was not his call anymore.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Final Fantasy


I have been a fan of the Square Enix Final Fantasy games for a long time now and i have been so excited to play their latest game: Final Fantasy XIII. So to prepare for the imminent arrival of the game in stores, i purchased 2 months in advance an XBOX 360 Elite just to find out after that the game will be released locally for another month. I was left with no choice but to play Naruto and Overlord which were actually pretty good, I have finished Naruto, while Overlord im halfway through when I got bored with it and the Xbox altogether (main reason is-i cant play divx files on it). Afterwards my youngest brother requested for a Play Station 3 for him to play the final installment of God od War (3) and also the Final fantasy XIII. We both share the same passion when it comes to the Final Fantasy series, our favorite games were Final Fantasy VII & XII. I cant say NO to loved ones, so a plan was formed: I will buy all the 3rd generation consoles for the three of us: The Xbox 360 will go to Piolo - my younger brother, the Plastation 3 will go to Leo-my youngest brother and a Nintendo Wii - will be mine. Just last month, i bought the Nintendo Wii and just a few days back i bought the Plasytation 3 and a Final Fantasy XIII game (for PS3). Im so happy, so far my favorite is the Playstation (it plays mp4 files and divx, yey), then the Wii and then Xbox. Next in line would be a Sony Bravia or a Samsung LCD for my Inay and Tatay.

As of the moment i am so into the FF game, breathtaking graphics, superb storyline, nice battle system - making more sleepless nights for a rabid player like me. Maybe i was so attached with the story because of the nice conversations/one liners they put into it, Somehow i can relate to them, and wished i have said those lines too or someone have said it to me... and now i wanna share some of it here:

When I couldn't see a future and I was afraid. When the future was clear and it hurt to see, I just close my eyes and lose myself in happier days.
-Vanille

Seems we are going to say good bye, better do it with a smile.
-Vanille

Kindess like his, you never forget.
- Vanille (About Sazh)

I might as well have tired to stop the rain. I fought the tears..but they still fell... ill be fine its only water...
-Vanille

Knowing you'll always be welcomed, no matter how much has changed...That's what having a home is all about
-Vanille

No one ever said the future would be easy. But I think we all saw the glimmer of a dream, somewhere in the sky that night. The tiniest spark of hope that we can change our fate. Who could say? That moment has come and gone.
-Vanille

And what if that gets people around you involved? What happens when your actions end up ruining someone's life. What if someone dies? What then, Snow? How do you pay for what you've done?
- Hope to Snow

You can't drop the breakup bomb like that. Being alone's all right, I guess. Yep. Always was until we met. But then we did. And now I know there's something better: being with you. We've come too far to quit now.
-Snow

Sometimes things seems easier when you look at them from a distance, you know?
-Serah

It not a question of can or can't. There are some things in life you just do.
-Lightning

Don't touch anything. Control your emotions. If you want to survive, you forget about sympathy How can I explain? Think of it like a strategy. Focus on your ultimate goal and shut out everything else. Still you mind. Move on instinct. Let doubt take over, and despair will cripple you.
-Lightning

Fighting without hope is no way to live. It's just a way to die. I want you to find the hope you were named for. Staying alive, I can help you with. But I can't--I can't give you hope...
-Lightning to Hope

I made him a promise.I promised him to keep going, and do what I had to. He said only I would know what that was. The world's full of lies. There's no way of knowing what's right. All we can do believe on ourselves It's easy to sit back and let people trick you. From here on out I use my own eyes. Think. And act. I might not make all the right choices. But as long as I'm the one who decided what to do, there's nothing regret.
-Hope

Well, you know, sometimes you have to lie about stuff. To keep yourself going, because you afraid. Or to protect someone else, so they don't get hurt. Sometimes, even the things that everyone in the whole worlds think are true turn out to be lies. At the end of the day, though, it's not the lie that matter, but what you do after you tell it. Work hard enough, and you can make it true.
-Hope

Source: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Final_Fantasy_XIII