Thursday, February 25, 2010

His Signature Smile

It was Friday, and it has become a custom for expats in our company to attend a ‘Bible study’ led by two persons who are member of a religious Christian sect that originated some hundred years ago. It was a cool night, while traversing the path from the managers Villa to the Villas occupied by the majority of the workers; I can’t help but adore the moonless night, yes the little tiny twinkling lights are there still, waiting for dreamers to catch them as they fall to the ground. But hey this tale is not about the stars that I saw in the sky that night; this is about the stars that I saw in someone’s eye.

I was there sitting on the couch, waiting for the show to start. I was looking forward not on the pre-recorded TV evangelical show nor the free arrozcaldo that they prepared, but more than anything else, I am looking forward to see Enchong again. This was one of the rare moments that I see him on his shorts, smooth legs exposed, most especially- I can rub my shoulders against his. It has been his practice to get the seat next to mine for reasons still unknown to me.

Somehow I developed one trait when it comes to dealing with persons I am digging or crushing, I get touchy- meaning I touch them whenever I got a good chance, (somehow subconsciously) not on sensitive parts (but given the chance I will, LOL), firm taps on shoulders will do or on their waist. I only apply this whenever I feel that we have bonded as close friends already.

Then he was there beaming his signature smile, captivating pearly whites, and that air of cute confidence. As always he took the seat next to mine and golly wow he smells good. “maybe he sprayed a little so I can definitely smell him” told my brain. Aside from his eyes, I fancy his neck too, its so smooth I want to plant some kisses but whoops this aint the right place and the right time to think some malicious thoughts. Ok Ok. So as the people get comfy on their seats, the show started.

“I-add mo naman ako sa friendster…” Enchong whispered to me, as the minister started reading specific verses from the Bible concerning a topic raised by viewers. He handed me his mobile phone for me to type my email address. I handed the phone again to his hands, and then from there I saw his crotch. Did he accidentally pulled his shirt up so I could have a good view of that lump covered only by his shorts. “Hoshet” I told my self.

From there onwards I cannot concentrate on the person talking on TV. I had full view of his semi erected (I think so) something under his shorts. Numerous times I had to look at it, when he asked me too to add him on his Facebook, when he borrowed my phone for him to check this “dice” application, or when he asked me what version of mobile opera I am using. He was there to distract me, and I was willing to be distracted even though we were the only ones who were talking to each other in whispers of course. After an hour or so, the Bible show was finished, and the gathered people one by one vacated their place. Except for me and Enchong.

“Maybe I could make the first move, again?” “maybe I could ask him to accompany me to his room” “can I hold his hand now?” my thoughts were racing against each other.

“Ano ba yung twitter na yan?” he pointed at my phone as I was checking the tweets.

“ahh ehh…” I stammered

“Gagawa nga rin ako nyan, ano ba website nyan, I add moko ha…”

---

We sat together as we ate our free dinner, again it has always been him at my side during Friday night dinner. It has become a custom. After we ate our dinner, because I haven’t “toured their entire villa accomodation” he volunteered to show me the places where they usually stay.

“Dito ka na kasi matulog, doon sa kwarto, lika punta tayo doon…”

“Ahhh ehh..” my heart skipped a beat.

He showed me the kitchen, bathrooms, Toilets, laundry area, TV room… and then there we were, in front of his room.

“Eto room namin.” He pointed at the big black number 6 on the door.

He lifted his face up and our eyes met each other, I saw stars in his eyes, I cant explain how those million stars in the sky could fit in those sockets. Amazed, I was. Enthralled, I am. In love, I hope not. Still wearing his gorgeous smile and showing off his pearly whites he slid his hands into his pockets for his keys.

“Wala sa akin ang susi nasa kasama ko, Next time ko na lang siguro papakita sa iyo kwarto ko.”

I smiled a sweet smile.

---

“Wag ka muna kasi umalis dito, two years pa, sabay na tayo.”

“Hindi na kasi ako Masaya dito eh.”

“Andito naman ako, kami, maghahappy happy tayo dito. Wag mo muna kami iwan.”

“…”

---

As I was writing this kakasilip lang niya, uwian na daw. Todo smile pa. Haha.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Wedding Invitation

“Ang hirap mag-ayos ng papeles Inay, ang haba ng pila sa may DFA.” Sambit kong nagbubuntong hininga nang umupo ako sa may hapag kainan.

“Anak, kailangan mo ba talagang umalis, baka nabibigla ka lang, hindi mo naman kailangang umalis ng bansa. Maganda naman ang buhay natin dito at maayos naman ang pinapasukan mo…” Sambit ni inay habang inaayos nya ang hapunan.

“Inay naman, ilang beses ba natin itong pag-uusapan, alam mo naman ang sitwasyon ko diba po? Andito naman si Kaloy para alagaan kayo. Kailangan ko lang talagang lumayo, naiintindihan naman ninyo ako diba?” masuyong sabi ko sa nanay na sa wari ko ay napasimangot sa aking tinuran.

Isang mahabang buntong hininga lamang ang isinagot ng nanay sa akin. Alam na alam niya ang pinagdadaanan ko ngayon. Alam niyang hindi ko kakayaning manatili dito sa Pilipinas dahil habang nandito ako ay unti unting humihina ang pintig ng aking puso. "Tama ang desisyon kong ito" sambit ko sa aking sarili, sa paglayo lamang sa kanya mapapanatag ang aking kalooban.

Mag iisang buwan na nang malaman ko na ikakasal na si Marko, siya higit sa lahat ang tanging nilalaman ng aking puso. Masakit na malaman ang isang bagay lalo na at hindi nanggagaling mismo sa bibig ng iyong sinisinta, lalo na at hindi niya makayang ipaglaban ang totoo nyang nararamdaman. Hindi ko kayang mabuhay na maging pangalawa lamang kayat tinapos ko na lahat ang namamagitan sa amin, kahit na alam ko at alam niya na mahal na mahal ko siya. Pero hindi naman sa lahat nang pagkakataon ay kayang paigtingin ng pagmamahal ang tali na nagbibigkis sa dalawang tao. May mga dahilan, plano at mga hindi inaasahang pangyayari ang nakakaapekto ng anumang namamagitan sa dalawang nilalang… halimbawa na lamang ay ang nangyari sa amin, Bagamat wala naman talaga sa plano itong gagawin ko, kinakailangan upang mahanap ko ang tunay ngang dahilan kung bakit akoy naririto sa mundo.

“Kuya, pinabibigay ni Kuya Marko” Sambit ni kaloy habang inaabot ang isang madekorasyong sobre. “Dumaan siya kanina, sabi ko naman hintayin ka na, pero antagal mo kasi, kaya ayun umalis na rin at may aasikasuhin pa raw sya.”

“Putsa talaga itong si Marko, baklang bakla talaga” naiinis kong sambit sa sarili habang pinagmamasdan ang sobreng napakaraming abubot. Hindi ko man lang hinawakan ang sobre bagkus iniwan ko iyon sa mesa, nakaselyado at walang bakat ng aking pang unawa.

“Hoy anak, itong wedding invitation ni Marko hindi mo lang ba titingnan, bukas na pala ito ah, nakalagay kasi sa sobre ang date ng kasal”

“Inay naman, ilapag mo lang yan sa may tukador, huwag na huwag kayong pupunta dyan bukas.” Naiinis kong sabi sa inay.

“O sya sya kung yan ang nais mo hahayaan kita, pero tandaan mo kung anuman yang hinanakit mo kay Marko, eh sana naman eh, intindihin mo sya dahil unang una magkababata kayo at malapit na kaibigan.” Mahinahon na sabi ni inay habang inilapag ang sobre sa may tukador at tumalikod papuntang kusina.

Tumalilis akong palayo. Lumabas ng bahay at nagtatakbo hanggang sa hinahabol ko na ang aking hininga, habang tumutulo ang pawis ko sa aking mukha, sabay ding umaagos ang masaganang luha mula sa aking mga mata. Gusto kong sumigaw, ngunit wala namang lumalabas ng boses sa aking bibig, gusto kong suntukin ang dibdib ko upang tumugil ang sakit ngunit kahit anumang sakit ang ipataw upang mapalitan ang hapdi ay hindi na magagawa pa pagkat sobra at matindi na ang hapdi niyon, wala nang lunas pa.

Nakita ko na lamang ang aking sarili na tumutungga ng alak sa malapit na bar na kalimitang dinadayo namin ni Marko tuwing may happenings kami. Habang nagpaplano ng buhay sa hinaharap, habang pinag uusapan ang aming mga kabulastugan at habang nilalamon ng kaligayan ang aming puso dahil sa aming pag –ibig sa isat isa. Lahat ng iyon ay hindi na muli mangyayari sapagkat iiwan na niya akong tuluyan. Ibinigay na niya ang puso niya sa iba na hindi naman niya tunay na minamahal… Hindi man lamang niya ako naipaglaban sa pagkakataong ito gayong sa lahat ng pagkakataon ay ako ang nandoon upang siyay tulungan at sandalan sa lahat ng kanyang mga pinagdaanan.

Hindi pa sapat ang ingay sa lugar na iyon upang tuluyang mabingi ang aking tenga at ang mapaklang likidong aking iniinom ay hindi na gumaganang mapagaan ang anumang mabigat sa loob ko. Ito na nga ang pagkakataong wala nang anumang makakatulong sa iyo upang ikaw ay makabangon muli. Habang para akong tanga ritong umiiyak habang umiinom ay naalala ko pa rin ang mga pinagdaanan naming dalawa, lahat ng hirap at ligaya, mula nang kamiy bata pa hanggang sa nag kaisip ay magkasama kami at ni minsan ay hindi ko sya iniwan. Pero masaklap ang ginawa ng tadhana sa akin pagkat sa pagkakataong ako naman ang nangailangan, doon naman nya ako tuluyang nilisan… Ikakasal na nga siya, yun ang masaklap na katotohanan…

Lampas hatinggabi na nang akoy makauwing susuray suray. Nagpahatid sa taxi sa bahay, binagtas namin ang kapihang malimit naming tambayan. mabilis ding nilampasan ng sasakyan ang plazang animoy sementeryo sa katahimikan, kahit sa kalasingan ko ay naaninag ko pa rin ang isang kaluluwang nakaupot nakayukipkip sa duyan, sa gitna ng plaza, na tinutulak ng malamig na hangin ng gabi. Tulad ko, nararamdaman kong mag-isa at malungkot ang kaluluwang iyon.
Inakyat ko ang hagdanan ng bahay na halos pagapang na. Napansin ko pa rin ang sobreng inbitasyon sa kasal ni Mark, nandun pa rin sa tokador, kinuha ko iyon at inilagay sa basurahan. Dumiretso ako sa kama at humiga. Pinilit kong isara ang aking mga mata ngunit hindi hinahayaan ng mga luha ko na ipikit ng tuluyan ang mga iyon… ang mukha pa rin ni marko ang aking nakikita, mahal ko pa rin sya, mahal na mahal…

---

“Anak, Jonas. Gumising ka dyan…” malakas na yugyog ang nagpagising sa akin, humahagulgol si inay habang akoy ginigising.

“Bakit inay anong nangyari sa inyo? Bakit kayo umiiyak” ang sambit ko kahit pupungas pungas pa at masakit ang ulot kalamnan dahil sa aking paglalasing kagabi. Niyakap ako ng inay nang makabangon ako. Mahigpit ang yakap niya, mahigpit na mahigpit.

“Inay ano ba ang nangyari. Kinakabahan naman ako sa inyo…”madrama kasi itong Inay at natatakot ako sa kanyang sasabihing sunod.

“Anak huwag kang mabibigla ha…" hikbi ng nanay ko. "Si Marko, wala na siya, iniwan na nya tayo..." patuloy ng nanay ko na halos maubusan ng lakas sa pagsasalita dahil sa kanyang pagiyak... "ang balita sa amin nagpakamatay siya kagabi…” pagkatapos sabihin iyon ni inay, tumigil ang oras, umikot ang paligid at hindi halos ako huminga. Niyakap ako muli ng inay at doon na ako muling umiyak, humagulgol ng iyak. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit iyon nagawa ni Marko.

“Hindi inay, hindi ito totoo, hindi ganun si Marko, matapang siya, hindi nya kayang gawin ito, hindi nya tayo iiwan, inay bawiin mo naman please oh, inay naman…”

“sorry anak tumawag mismo ang mommy nya, hinahanap ka, pero sabi ko tulog ka at ayun nga at sinabi nya sa akin ang pangayayari…”

Katahimikan, walang hanggang katahimikan na biglang mapapalitan ng nakakabinging katotohanan, nakakabulag na kadiliman, nakakamanhid na sakit… hanggang sa tuluyan na yatang tumigil ang pintig ng puso ko, hindi ko na maramdaman, wala na akong naririnig, dugo na ang pumapatak na luha mula sa aking mga mata.

“inay... pwede po bang iwan nyo muna akong magisa…” hagulgol ko sa inay. Muli isang mahigpit na yakap ang ibinigay ni inay bago ako iniwan.

Kung anuman ang sakit na naramdaman ko kagabi, mas matinding hapdi ang nararamdaman ko ngayon na halos ikabulag ng aking mga mata, ikabingi ng aking mga tenga at ikamanhid ng aking balat. At dahil hindi ko malaman ang aking gagawin, ang tanging naalala ko ay ang huling ibinigay sa akin ni Marko, ang imbitasyon sa kanyang kasal, kinuha ko muli iyon sa basurahan, halos pagapang kong tinungo ang kinaroroonan niyon, habol habol ko ang aking hininga…

Maingat na binuksan ang pagkakaselyado niyon at ang pagkainis ko sa sobreng iyon ay naplitan muli ng maingat na pagmamahal, na para bagang iyon ay si Marko mismo.

Nakakabigla na hindi imbitasyon ang nasa loob ng mapalamuting sobre, kundi isang sulat. Alam kong si Marko mismo ang sumulat niyon pagkat gamay na gamay ko ang kanyang sulat pangkamay. Maingat kong binuksan ang pagkakatiklop niyon at habang patuloy paring tumutulo ang aking luha sa aking pisngi. Halos malagutan ako ng hininga habang binabasa ko ang huling sulat ni Marko sa akin…

Mahal Kong Jonas,

Mahal na mahal kita, at alam kong alam mo iyon. Hindi naman kita iniwan eh, hinintay ko lamang ang tamang pagkakataon upang maintindihan nina mama at papa ang pinagdadaanan ko, pero kahit na lumayo ka sa akin, hindi ka naman nawala sa puso ko. Ganun pa rin ang nararamdaman ko sa iyo kahit na ang alam mo ay iniwan na kitang tuluyan, pero nasasaktan akong makitang nawawalan ka na ng pag-asa na akoy babalik muli sa iyo, kahit na alam kong alam mo na hindi pa naman natatapos ang istorya nating dalawa, dahil iyon ay walang wakas. Hindi ko kailanman matatalikuran lahat ng kaligayang naidulot ng pagmamahal mo sa akin pati na ang ating mga pinagdaanan… pero unti unting mo akong nasasaktan dahil sa pag iwas mo sa akin… gusto ko sanang mag-sorry kung hindi mo masyadong naintindihan ang mga sitwasyon dati. Pero alam kong maiintindihan mo rin pagdating ng panahon. Malaya na ako Jonas, pwede ko nang gawin ang mga plano nating dalawa, kahit itakwil pa ako ni Papa, ok lang, basta kasama kita sa buhay, wala nang hihigit pa. Hihintayin kita sa may plaza, ala una ng madaling araw mamaya… Alam kong darating ka Jonas… dahil mahal mo ako… kung hindi ka dumating ibig sabihin niyong naka move on ka na at hindi mo na ako talaga mahal. Sanay palagi mong tandaan na ang pagmamahal mo ay ang aking buhay, kung wala iyon, wla na akong rason para mabuhay pa sa mundong ito. Hihintayin kita...

Mahal na mahal kita hanggang kamatayan,

Marko

---

“Sorry Marko, im very sorry, mahal na mahal din kita…” at tuluyan na ngang napawi ang liwanag ng langit sa aking mundo at napalitan ng nag uumapaw na kadiliman
*Repost

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

KAMUSTA ANG VALENTINES MO?

Its my second post about Enchong. Ahahaha. Lets just put it this way, he makes me smile pag nagpapacute sya and it seems im looking forward to every moment that im near him. Para bagang sa Warcraft na ubos na ang health or mana mo tapos tatabi ka sa fountain of health/mana tapos ayun narerejuvinate ka. something like that. hehe... Nakakatuwa lang kiligin, i have no intentions of falling in love with him, he's straight, he showed me pictures of his girl, in fairness shes beautiful (ampalaya), due to the fact that i will leave this land, sa katapusan ng taong ito. Sa pilipinas na lang ako hahanap ng iirugin! hehe. Antanda ko na kasi, naiiwanan na ako sa byahe.
BTW me cute story na nangyari during a bible study. hindi ko pa lang magawa ang post kasi tinatamad ako.
---
Called one of my BFF this morning and it was a blast. Sobrang sayang kausap ng lukaret na yun. Sobrang dami naming napag usapan, mostly mga common friends and their lovelife, wahahaha. May wrk na sya sa wakas at take note marami daw cute boys. Pag uwi ko doon din ako mag wowork, ahahaha. I just miss this guy so much, nahomesick ako, bigla. We have plans to open a business na Parlor BTW o kaya Masseur Center something, ahahaha.
---
So lazy. Ayan sobrang tamad ko nang mag work. and i hate it, anlaki na ng pinagbago ko sa work attitude, i am just so tired. me Cyclic redundancy error na ang aking sarili. Not like before that i am so effective andami ko nakakagalit sa production line kasi top quality of products ang aking pinapatupad, and look now im so lenient na. Tsk tsk. The thing is my ISO audit kami this coming march, i need to speed up my self para matapos ang mga backlog ko sa documentations or else baka ako ang maging dahilan pag bumagsak kami sa audit. Kaya ko to =D
---
Puyat ako gabi gabi. Was reading Percy Jackson & the Olympians: lightning Thief the other night, natapos ko sya kagad, predictable ang novel and i feel unoriginal compared sa Harry Potter ahhh. Pero i like the pacing ng story, i think Percy is cute. Tapos nag eenjoy din ako na mag compose ng kanta, was listening sa mga nasulat at narecord ko nang kanta and i must say magaganda sya, especially kung maganda talaga ang boses nung kakanta at kung magaling yung naggigitara. now i need to sleep early na. andami ko na pimples sa mukha.
---
Marami nagtatanong kung bakit daw ako magreresign, eh sure ball naman daw na madadagdagan ang sweldo ko pag umangal ako plus, they might consider promoting me again. Hayy ang bottomline kasi hindi na ako Happy. yun period. importante naman diba na dapat masaya ka sa ginagawa mo. gagawa ako ng bagong post regarding this. hehe.
---
Tinatanong nung isang kaibigan kong gwapo na si Yugi Oh kung Bitter ba ako. Sabi ko curious lang ako kaya ko ginagawa ang aking ginagawa. Kung anuman yung ginagawa ko, hindi ko pwedeng sabihin dito, kasi secret yun. Ahahaha. Sa kanya ko lang sinabi yun. Napag usapan din namin sa chat ang halos kalimitang tanong this past few days. KAMUSTA ANG VALENTINES MO? unanimous na sabi naming dalawa, boring, siya natulog maghapon ako naman nagwork ng 7 to 7. hehe. ansaya ng buhay naming dalawa. napag usapan din namin ang predicament namin palagi. Sabi ko kasi bakit palagi na lang ako yung ikatlong party sa isang relasyon, ako lagi yung kabit, (hindi ko na i enumerate ang mga pangyayari baka mapatunayan ni kaibigan na Bitter pa ako, wahaha, hindi na promise)... Hoshet ganun daw pala siya, siya din yung ikatlong party lagi. Tsk tsk. Anyhow siya ang Presidente ng Lonely Hearts Club OFW chapter, ako ang kanyang Vice president. hehe.
---
Nag - eenjoy akong panoorin ang KYLE XY. i find Matt Dallas uber gwapo. Hayy Matt akin ka na lang. ahahaha =P

Waiting Shed Unplugged



Waiting Shed
Music and Lyrics by Cloud A. Heart
24.01.10

(one)
I could fill a thousand pages
telling you how I felt
and how ill offer my life
Telling you what I can give
And how ill live Forever
And a day with you

But still you wont understand
So will you let me leave,
Our heart shattering on the ground?

(Chorus)
In every burning yesterdays and
Every mornings of tomorrow
Every magic of forever
Ill be there for sure
Time that heals all hurts and sorrows
Hope and patience to wait, Dont wander
This love is worth it, please dont falter
Lets find our way back home

(two)
I could write a thousand songs
Depicting how much I can love you
Be the cloud, your air, heal your heart
The way ill save you from the storm
From this lonely shed, ill wait dont fret
Take my heart, hear my voice

But still you wont hear the melody
Nor the words that rhyme,
like you and me

(Chorus)
In every burning yesterdays and
Every mornings of tomorrow
Every magic of forever
Ill be there for sure
Time that heals all hurts and sorrows
Hope and patience to wait, Dont wander
This love is worth it, please dont falter
Lets find our way back home

(para daw paa ang gamit ko sa pag strum, hahaha, me point sya. lol
having problems with the guitar-sintunado or ako yata ang sintunado, lol)

(I like the story of this song...)

The story goes like this. There was a guy sitting at this waiting Shed, hes waiting alright, for him. While waiting, he thinks about this certain person, the most important person in his world. He wanted to let the other know how much he means to him, but he cant tell it to him directly. He just pulled out his Notebook and tried to explain it endlessly, all the thoughts might fill a thousand pages.

When the person whom he was waiting, came, he tried to give him his thoughts that he has written. But still the other person cannot understand him, cannot love him for what he was, it was painful. Then the guy left him at the waiting shed.

Still his love prevailed, he will wait there, he knows that one day his love will understand what he has written on the thousand pages. He will wait in every yesterday, tomorrow and forever that passed him by, he sings: "ill be there for sure" He wanted to find his way home, but his home was Him. only Him.

Then he was still there at the waiting shed. trying to write a song, he felt he can write so many songs, telling how much he loves him. He was a cloud, can be his air, can heal his heart. Then the storm came and he was wet and sick, he tells his love that still even though in his predicament he can still save him from this storm he shouts "from this lonely shed, ill wait dont fret, take my heart, hear my voice"

He assumes that his love cannot hear his melody, but it didnt matter he will always be there at the waiting shed waiting for his return- the time was his- healing all the pain and sorrow. He was hopeful and patient, he knew that this love was worth it and sooner or later he and his love will find their way back home... and yes he came back, his waiting paid off. Yes the magic of forever exist.

Well this is specially dedicated to two of my good friends. DD and FP also known as Popoy and Basha. Somehow the song was inspired with their story. Im so happy for you two. =D

Sunday, February 14, 2010

SUDDENLY

By Cloud A. Heart
February 14, 2006

I
Suddenly, I stopped & realized
You are not there by my side
To dry all the tears that ive cried,
And suddenly,
Youre not there to say Goodnight...

II
Suddenly, I looked up and gazed above (the sky)
You used to be the brightest star (of night)
That guides me and brings me light
And suddenly,
The clouds erased you from my sight.

Chorus I:
Suddenly I'm standing all alone
In this pit of darkness, cold as stone
Wishin you are here to guide my life
The one who'll bring the light
Suddenly im falling on a cliff
But my wings are torn and cant be fixed
All my dreams were shattered at that time
Like a broken glass of wine...

III
Suddenly, i learned that you have someone new
Someone who feels the same way too
He took your smile away
and suddenly,
Your love start to fade away

Chorus II
Suddenly I'm sailing all alone
Hoping you are here to calm the storm
The only one who can stop the rain
And ease the pain
Suddenly I'm battling all my fears
The strenght that i will need
The wounds to heal
The only one who can unlock the chain
And help me win this game...

Coda:
All of a sudden you are not here
Another broken promise
Another room to fill
With blurred rainbows and black mornings
what happened to us,
to suddenly cut the rings
that ties us both
That mends the lies
Which makes every morning seems goodbye.

Suddenly im close to being new...
But i know it will always me and you...

Thursday, February 11, 2010

The V Plan

February 12, 11:30AM

“Hey Cuz, ayan ha, Gumising ako maaga just to accomplish the mission that you have given me this day. So sa palagay ko naman maiinlove nayun sayo, for sure.”

Carlo and her cousin have planned this for over a month now. In Carlo's behalf, Jane scoured the nearest mall to buy Chino's favorite perfume, Aqua de Gio, ordered his favorite cake from his favorite bakery and reserved a bouquet of Holland tulips from this famous flower shop.

A half full bottle of Aqua de Gio was the perfume Carlo gave Chino before they parted ways, the one and only remembrance he has from him. The favorite cake was the cake they shared at the resto when both shared the sad part of their hearts and Carlo chose Tulips for Chino for he knew they will fit him more than roses.

With Chino's address on Janes hand, she will appear by his front door knocking, giving him, what Carlo's heart always wanted to express, his love…

---

That was the plan.

---

February 11, 11:30PM

“Hey Cuz, sigurado ka ba hindi na natin itutuloy yung plan?” Jane inquired.

“Bakit ganun insan, lagi na lang ganito… lagi na lang ako ang naiiwan.” Carlo replied

“Hay nako ikaw naman kasi, pipili ka lang yung may sabit pa pala. Hindi ko naman maintindihan sayo.”

“Kala ko kasi ako na yung gamut sa sugat sa kanyang puso, yun pala, hindi ko iyon magagamot kasi hindi naman ako ang hinahanap nyang lunas eh…” Carlo's tone was sad now.

“Hay naku andrama, so anong gagawin ko dito sa napamili ko na, saying to no…”

“Baka siguro hindi pa ito ang tamang pagkakataon, siguro, kung meron man, sa hinaharap o hindi talaga ito ang para sa akin.” He told his cousin, voice dropping to its lowest low.

Then a light bulb illuminated on top of Carlo's head.

“Jane ganito na lang, it might not be my time but maybe its yours, nagkatampuhan kayo ni Marv right. Ganito gawin mo, go to his pad tomorrow before sya makauwi. Place the cake on the table, prepare dinner. Place the tulips and the perfume box on the bed… maybe, just maybe… this is the perfect time for you to patch things up… for sure he will be surprised”

“Maybe your right, haaaay…”

“Pero remember, kung hind maging successful at cool off pa rin kayo, reminder lang yung napagkasunduan natin dati sa akin mapupunta si Marv…” Carlo finally laughed with Jane.

“Gaga ka. Thank you, love kita. Hey don’t worry, your time will come… it will, soon. Remember, love is patient...”

---

Yeah, Love is indeed patient and kind.

---

Sideline:

Na senti ako dito sa kantang eto... sayang nga lang hindi ko na nman mapapanood sa sinehan.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I love her, but im just too shy, & I dont know why...

I encountered this story through a friend way back 2003, the story was very simple but it strikes something inside of me... i was never the same after reading this one...
please people take time to read this, I know you wont regret doing so…

---

10th Grade: As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so-called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair. I wished she were mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class she walked up to me and asked me for the notes, she had missed the day before. As I handed them to her, she said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her. I wanted her to know that I don’t want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

11th Grade: The phone rang; it was her on the other end. She was in tears, mumbling on and about how her love had broken her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn’t want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she were mine. After two hours, a Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

12th Grade: The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date sick," she said. "He's not going to go." Well, I didn't have a date and in 7th grade we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, We would go together just as "best friends," so we did. Prom night, after everything was over I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her. She smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't think of me like that, and I knew it. Then she said, "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

A day passed. A week passed. A month passed. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and she cried as I hugged her. Then, she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "You're my best friend, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

A Few Years Later: I sat in the pews of the church. She was getting married, now. I watched her say, "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said, "You came!" She said, "thanks!" and kissed me on the cheek. I wanted to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...

Funeral: Years passed, and I looked down at the coffin of the girl who used to be my "best friend." At the service they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine. But he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I wanted to tell him. I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love him, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why... I wish he would tell me he loved me. I wish I did too. I thought to myself, and cried.

---

Tell the people you love that you love them so much.
If you love him, tell him before its too late. Maybe, just maybe he loves you too.

Kapag May Nawala

Kapag may NAWALA sa isang tao, anong ginagawa? "HINAHANAP".
Eh paano kung hindi mahanap? "PINAPALITAN".
Eh paano kung hindi mapalitan? "KINAKALIMUTAN".
Eh ANO NA LAMANG ANG GAGAWIN
kung yung nawala ay
hindi na mahanap,
di mapalitan,
at hindi makalimutan?
["TATANGGAPIN". . .
"HAHARAPIN". . .
"KAKAYANIN".]
- MC DUANE

Sunday, February 7, 2010

214

As I was looking back to the long years of my stay here on earth, I was trying to collect memories that connects me to February 14, otherwise known to us as Valentines Day. But as I dug deeper in the recesses of my brain only one memory reminds me of this infamous day in my life. The moment I knew how terrible the power of love in a life of an individual- proving to myself that when victims of love are born, murderers are made too.

It was late January of 2001. I was 2nd year college in a university in the province. I was quite cheerful and friendly, the way that I have always been, but there was something in me that makes me aloof to the topic of love, I don’t know, I was young and don’t buy its idea… my life was so straight- that is to finish studies, my aim was so direct and the idea about love and relationships never struck me until just recently. During those young years I’ve never been into a relationship (even now), and I don’t have any plans of being hitched. Pero I was intrigued on the power of love in someone’s life, Id like to try, I told myself.

I was then an officer of a departmental organization that made me acquainted with co-majors in other years/section of our department, thus, modesty aside; I was quite popular in our department. Then opportunity struck, I’ve heard from a friend that there was someone in a certain clique in the freshmen that crushes on me. My Gosh I told my self, syempre whenever you hear those words- someone crushing over you, boosts your ego. ‘this girl is so dumb, of all people, why me?’ I told myself.

I formed my plan to court her. She was really beautiful. I had no idea that time kung ano ang type ko sa isang partner, either girl or boy, syempre di maiiwasan to have crushes on cute faces sa campus, but something deeper than the good looks really do matter, but good looks do matter, (ayy contradicting). I think she made a turning point in my life, because through her I knew what I was looking for: a good singer & fairer complexion, that’s all. Chynna was a hump in my highway. Typically during my free time I sat beside her with her friends, meet and eat with her during lunch times. At the end of the day, we will together walk side by side- me at the danger zone of the road, laughing- me carrying her books, she kilig ever- to the jeepney terminal that will take her home. I really do think she’s already falling at the first week of February.

In the week of February 14, a regional sports affair was on going in our university. With all the frenzy on going at the oval, midday, there we were at the bleacher, me facing Chynna, while she was smiling sheepishly. Early in the morning I have acquired a beautiful red rose and three heart shaped chocolate from a student booth that sells valentine items, and in the exact moment I gave the rose and the chocolates she said Yes to me. I was happy that time, yes I have a girlfriend, may napasagot din ako sa panliligaw ko, but it was just half meant.

If that same happiness will be equated with the moment when Sonny sang to me the song that made me fall in love with him or the movie moment when I held Shard’s hand so tight I don’t wanna let go, the February 14 moment will not be a happy moment after all. The thing was, I only used her for an experiment, and im sorry I ever did that to her.

It wasn’t love, really from the very beginning. A stupid month passed by, and I was not the same with her, in my free time I wasn’t always beside her. I rarely eat lunchdates with her and its just a few times I gave my self time to see her ride the jeepney home. Though stupid as I can be, I never wanted to break her heart even more by saying, “break na tayo” ang gusto ko sya ang makipag break so that it would be her decision this time not mine. After a month or so. She broke up with me, of all places sa simbahan, napaka ironic.

I remember her saying to me in the pews of the church while we pray together:

“Diba sabi mo sa akin wag ko ibigay lahat pag minahal kita, paano kung naibuhos ko lahat ang pagmamahal ko sa iyo… ano mangyayari.?”

Honestly I cant remember my reply, I think I said sorry. And I was really sorry.

She kissed me in the lips as she cried, turned around, walked away. Still, kahit masakit for her ang break up, we became friends. After a few months, during our organization’s acquaintance party she told me she was hoping that I would go back to her… which i dont have any intention of doing... fortunately someone was interested on her too, and she gave him a chance.

And from there onwards I was the one who always cry at the end of everything, I never found someone or if im interested on someone they are not interested on me. I was the one who is willing to give my all just to ask in the end

“Paano kung naibuhos ko lahat ang pagmamahal ko sa iyo… ano mangyayari.?”

Funny but so true. Maybe she was my personal curse.

---

Sooner or later the murderer will also be the victim. If that is called Karma, I don’t know. God has his own way of making us realize how important love is and using it for our own welfare is a terrible mistake, sooner or later what we have done to someone whose only sin is to love us (more than themselves) will be done to us too- more terrible and heartbreaking…

---

...Take my hand
And gently close your eyes
So you could understand
That there's no greater love tonight
Than what I've for you
Well, if you feel the same way for me
Then let go

We can journey to a garden no one knows
Life is short, my darling
Tell me that you love me…

- 214, Rivermaya

Friday, February 5, 2010

Waiting Shed

Waiting Shed
Music and Lyrics by Cloud A. Heart
24.01.10

(next time na ang music, wala pang kapal ng mukha, i love this song sobrang relate eh.)


(one)
I could fill a thousand pages
telling you how I felt
and how ill offer my life
Telling you what I can give
And how ill die and live again
Forever and a day with you

But still you wont understand
So will you let me leave,
Our heart shattering on the ground?

(Chorus)
In every burning yesterdays and
Every mornings of tomorrow
Every magic of forever
Ill be there for sure
Time that heals all hurts and sorrows
Hope and patience to wait, Dont wander
This love is worth it, please don’t falter
Lets find our way back home

(two)
I could write a thousand songs
Depicting how much I can love you
Your charming Prince of the night
The way ill save you from the storm
From the lonely shed, ill wait don’t fret
Take my heart, hear my voice

But still you wont to hear the melody
nor the words that rhyme,
like you and me

(Chorus)
In every burning yesterdays and
Every mornings of tomorrow
Every magic of forever
Ill be there for sure
Time that heals all hurts and sorrows
Hope and patience to wait, Dont wander
This love is worth it, please don’t falter
Lets find our way back home

Monday, February 1, 2010

The February Song

Look at us, so far away
im afraid that you are
a broken bridge away...
Im still here...
reminiscing the good-old days
killing the pain
healing what have been scorched

Used to be's are no more
scars wont fade,
even the tears- dries and fades
and loneliness is always a blink away
i can unfreeze your cold heart
and refresh the hanged feelings
But were broken, can we ever mend ?

just please step on the break
for us to survive
our life is ahead
dont fret- take my hand, both of it
unto our oasis
My light is exclusively yours
just open your heart
and read the words in my eyes
when will you let me see yours?

ill pick up the pieces one by one
dont worry, its my choice
until im broken and empty
I hope you feel that i miss you, old friend
dont let the red be invaded by blue
yes, yesterdy seems so far away
forget the idle past, at least we have tomorrow


realizing that dreaming
is for lazy people like me
But where are we?
Can we get something our of this
dont change, change is forgetting
yes, you turned your back and walk away
but i will always see your face in every dying day