My Dear Shade,
A soulmate. That’s what they call it when someone has that deep affinity to another person. Like you to me. But the magic of two souls being connected is only true when they mutually feel the same attraction with one another, which is not yet true for the both of us. Still I am here, admiring you secretly. An admiration that if counted by the hands of the clock will only last for an hour or two and then after that, it will be replaced by something more cutting-edge, something more profound, that something called love, a tortured and blissful love to you, only you.
Does my love for you show when we are connected by a measly internet connection? Yes indeed. But the feeling is more pronounced the moment the weak connection is interrupted. Yes indeed, I love you more when the truth makes me realize that we are separated not only by distance and time but also by the sun that burns our steed, the oxygen that we breath , the soil that see us weep and the water that sums up our tears. This love is more obvious when your image in my head is replicated a million times, never wanting to be erased, scattered in every corner of the brain, latched and locked in every way possible, making your smile an indelible ink on my soul, making your entirety an unblemished mantra that the mind can never forget. But what can an image do but submerge you in every dream that my subconscious mind creates. Nothing concrete, no evidence in dreaming, dreams are only a sting of truth of “it might or might not happen to us” not unlike the true magic of your presence. The pinch on my arms that leaves the skin red, the memories of the night as I saw the used, crumpled bed sheets, even a whisper of my name from your lips will have a tremendous meaning more than my most lucid dream about you.
A song goes “When you love someone so deeply they become your life…” But wait, there goes that word again, “love”. It is very unfair to that word to be used multiple times by me though it doesn’t at all apply to my condition. Love is always a blend between ‘me’ and ‘you’. It always takes two to love to form ‘us’. It is a feeling shared by two persons who somehow harmonizes each other’s personality, makes the other stronger than usual. They are a one soul trapped into two separate entities, or two different Lego blocks that perfectly fit together, or a uniquely compatible heart jigsaw puzzle. Two people who makes even the unrhythmic rhyme sound so good. But that doesn’t apply to the two of us. Instead of us were just measly me and you. Me who is always alone, trying to figure out how not to be like the wind, strong yet cannot be seen and needing to find away to escape this desert just to belong in the big crowd of a city where You live and to witness everyday how the sun accentuates your lovely face, how by your mere presence would make time (who has his very rude talent of making him so fast when you’re enjoying life) stop. Maybe, just maybe, when finally you realize I’m there beside you, you’ll finally hear the silent, calming, joyful bells. Somehow you’ll realize that your time stops too when were together.
Making it all happen is not an ordinary feat. It is not like just wishing it on a falling star or asking a flower by tearing its petals if “you do or you don’t”. It is not something that can not be magically charmed or transfigured nor can’t be dreamt to reality. I just have to believe in fate’s power that you will find in me what I found in you and together we would eventually find an unavoidable love, serendipity at its finest form. At dawn I will bring you flowers, those wild flowers that were picked before the sun shines accentuated by the moist of morning dew. I want to share with you the gentle breeze of the morning air. I want to marvel on how you stretch your smooth legs as you go down the staircase and be amazed on how you smile and laugh on my corny jokes. How’d I hoped that someday we might share the same wondrous captivation, this unexplainable admiration, the inescapable wonderment. I want to know and protect your deepest secrets and fulfill your hearts wishes and desires. Let me shine in your life when you are tired and sad, when darkness and fear clouds everything. I want to be the one who will trace your unswayed strings and play the chords of our soul’s symphony. I want to be the one to peal the soft fabric that touches your skin, to untie and relinquish all of what you are so that you would be free from those which make your body and soul weak, to enable me to share my heat and strength to you to never again be swayed by darkness and fear. At the end of the day I want to watch how the moon shines upon your perfect face and feel how glorious it is to sleep beside the only one that meant the world to me.
I want to have an unending love story with you. A love that can withstand any typhoons or tsunamis or disasters that nature can muster. A love that has grown in humongous quality that a single status on twitter would make us a trending topic or just a single entry about us on a blog would make millions of hits. A love story that would be told through masterpiece paintings or a critically acclaimed film or a Billboard No. 1 song, but neither the tweeps nor the bloggers, neither the painters nor the composers, neither the moviemakers nor the novelists can ever encapsulate or express what we have become, no one can ever explain how You and I, two souls became just one, just Us. No other people can explain how I will offer my life for you and die just to live again forever by your side because of our love. No one could ever convey how the world comes to an end because of the power of our tremendous kiss just to be made whole again after we make love…
I want you Shade; I need you in my life…
Please leave all the worries and fears behind, I’m here patiently waiting for you in this lonely shed. Please don’t delay, unless otherwise the time that you spent away from me makes our first meeting a more passionate and unforgettable event in our lives. It makes me wonder how bright would be your first smile, how deep would be your exhalations, how warm would be our first touch, how handsome you would be on our first date, and the way we would start the day together and end it with a growing love in our hearts…
Finally I realize now how I started living again when I loved you and I know no other forces in this world can ever end it.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
My Dear Shade
My Dear Shade,