Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Hope Outside the Misty Glass Window

You’ll wake up one day and realize that the world has turned so dark that there is no difference between eyes closed and eyes wide open. It would seem that you have been alone all this time just like the night before and the days that were already gone. No one will wake you up, no friends to text you back, no family to reassure that you are still home, no teacher to appreciate your hard work, your boss will hate your reports, eager to let you go for you have proven youre just a liability. You’ll feel hope is all but lost and will never be found in this array, the world has turned its back on you, no shine, no light, no warmth and no assurance that there is still tomorrow. Just black and cold.

Will there still be reasons to go up and fix your bed, wash your head and run ahead of traffic just to get through another worthless day in your life…? Yeah sometimes it feels like shit is in your head, really.

Then you sit in one corner, the place where you used to feel heaven, but now just feels hell (well that’s the prize to pay when reminiscing good old days which will never happen again, bitterness kicking in), and you see your friends chatting merrily, people on the other corner laughing so hard it makes you sad, lovers holding hands as they spread the love around the street. And then you wonder why can’t you be like them…?

What the hell happened, what have you done wrong, have you inflicted so much pain to someone in the past to deserve this fate...? you ask yourself...

Why cant you be happy when you buy a new phone to connect to people, to friends, to love ones? or the newest gadget to boot? Why do you feel sad to know that someone is happy with somebody else? Why cant you fill your cup of happiness with the one night stand that happened to you the night before or the nice little chat you have in a party that you attended a week ago? You still feel empty whenever you hear that the boss has commended your report with the thought that there is no significant someone to congratulate and kiss you? You thought you have let go of the past just to realize that you haven’t when by chance you pass by the street when you and him have declared youre all over and done…? Why does the pain still linger in your system that all incoming happiness, have been one by one murdered, killed. The pain leaves a hole in the heart never wanting it to be filled with happiness.

On the bus, going home, you cry. The misty glass window of the cold bus blurs your vision and it hinders you to look outside the window to see the flickering hope that the darkness has in stored for you. Though the pain in your heart has left a gaping hole in the heart, it never failed to put a stopper in the drain of your eyes. You feel the intense emotions building up and the body, you thought was strong enough to contain it, weeps. You let them fall in your cheeks and unto your sleeves, leaving them to trail their rightful way from your eyes to the ground, wishing someone might wipe it for you, wishing that this someone is the one that made you cry.

You come home, and burns your food to reflect how burned out you have become and how messy this life can be. You turn the music so loud it hinders you to hear the hearts howl of pain and numbs the ear so that it could forget how the wind spells out the name, a name you yourself don’t want to forget. You read lots and lots of books to occupy the mind just to be reminded one more time about how you danced in the moonlight and how he has promised you the moons and the stars of the night. You’re heart is broken all right and it made you tear up your whole being, into tiny little pieces like a jigsaw puzzle that might take years and a special help to be put back together again, because you believe by doing so makes you feel the reality kicking in and brings you back to life once again. But what if the wind blew so strong it scattered the pieces to faraway places, what a nightmare, what darkness have you brought upon yourself.

In the silence of the day, in the darkness of the night, someday, in time, pain will subside. Youll have the reason to wipe the misty glass windowto enable you to see the little sparkling hope in the street. There is no need to burn the food you eat. Someday deafness will not be an option, no need to forget anything. Someday youll be fine, everything will be ok, things will turn out quite well, and youll again start to smile and see the beauty even immediately after you open your eyes from the scary night. In time.

Soon enough youll learn that hope has never left you at all, its like the wind that is caressing you at the face, sometimes slaps you, yes, when youre numb and crazy. Sooner or later youll learn that there is one thing that really matters in this world, the only one reason why the world still turns in its axis- love. Someday youll learn that love never wanted to harm anyone, its just the people that misuses it that turns the ordeal so hard for other people… One day we will all realize that quite inexplicably Love really fades during the solitude, cold night; for some it is just lost... but lets just always remember that being lost is so close to being found... but then of course Love in its truest form can be found, it is simply a matter of time. Once it is with us, even if the person who made us feel that truest form leaves, Love's warmth will linger on us forever. Let love open your eyes to the beauty of life, its even evident in the darkness of the darkest night, you just have to open your heart to see it.

Maybe someday, youll experience the pain again, and hopefully youll understand that without it we cannot appreciate true happiness, that all things that are easily achieved are not meant to last. Hope is always up, so get out of bed, fix your life and live your life to its fullest potential - that is to Love.

1 comment:

  1. i never get wrong in following you.

    very nice flow of pictures from despair to longing to hope. i like it. serene yet moving.

    cloud, whatever it is that moves you to writing, shall too pass. cheer up.

    always a fan,