Saturday, January 30, 2010

Cloud Airheart

Been taking quizzes at Facebook for a period of time and i guess these three suits/mirrors my personality. though not all points are really me but majority tells who i am in true life. Thus im now called Cloud Air Heart.

Square Enix Character most parellel to you?
Coming off as aloof and disinterested, but in reality shy and insecure, you are a none other than THE Cloud Strife. A life plagued by tragedy, but blessed with strong and loyal friendships, even your darkest secrets cannot hold you down for long. No one doubts your strength, except perhaps yourself, but your friends can always convince you to keep hanging on. "I think... I want to be forgiven..."

Which ancient element are you?
Result is Air.
Hey there, Air. How are you doing? In your default form you are by far the gentlest of the elements, the most altruistic of the elements, the easiest to be around. People who are very close to you relish that closeness as if you were the oxygen they breathe. Though when you ...are such an honest and true individual sometimes it is easy for others to move through life as if you are invisible to them, pushing you around and hurting you in ways they would never imagine doing to say, water or fire. Little do they know that air can be pushed too far and all it takes is a few powerful gusts from this angry element to get a point across, though not without a rush of guilt and second thoughts to follow. Your place in the world: The genuine soul and emotional helper to those in need (A breathe of fresh air).

Which of your chakras are more open?
The Heart Chakra represents love, kindness and affection. You are able to show compassion for those around you, and are very kind in nature. You're sensitive and are able to empathise with people. You work hard at keeping frienships and relationships harmonius. Be careful that you are not suffocating people with your love, or giving love for selfish reasons.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


I recall tweeting last December that I do hope that among the new persons joining the company, a hunk/cute/handsome one be included, and I wasn’t failed by Santa Claus. Lols. He granted my wish and on Christmas day 17 new faces came to join us here in the desert, the one that took me by surprise? lets call him Enchong Cee.

It was during our Noche Buena when I first met him. They live at the outside villa while I stay at the villa inside the company premises. All pinoys gathered in our Villa to celebrate Christmas and as Enchong was taking a plateful of Pansit, that me and Milo prepared, my eyes glanced on his cute angelic face for the first time, he was smiling at me, and i smiled my sweetest smile.

At first glance he looks like Enchong Dee, very fair smooth skin, prominent nose, chinky eyes, hes around 5’5” in height, slim body, no excess fat whatsoever. Hes a cutie indeed. “Loko tong si Santa Claus, granted nga ang wish ko” I told my self, while laughing, im crushing on Enchong indeed.

During their orientation program they were scheduled at the other factory building. My workplace is at the central laboratory at the other factory. But maybe destiny has already ordered his subordinates to place Enchong in the place where I was currently working as a controller thereby allowing me to see him everyday of my life here abroad. Lols. Tsk tsk fate indeed is a very tricky business.
So I gotta know him better. I usually sat down beside him at his production line, for he was the lone pinoy there so being the friendly person that I am, I talk to him often, baka naman kasi matuyuan at umurong ang dila niya, hehe. Hes from Cagayan de oro, thus his diction is somehow “Bisaya” like, 23 years old, fresh, (lols), he has a girlfriend “daw”, he misses his family (normal), hes of Chinese descent too.

What I like most about him - he smiles so good it takes my loneliness away (kinikilig kasi) lols. I had a chance of rubbing his elbows and legs (unconsciously of course- ang flirt ko) ahahaha. At times hes so warm I cant explain the feeling. I got to look also at his flat abs during the time he was taking his shirt off at the gowning area, I just noticed he has some little cute hairs on his chest (hihihi) and his smoothness took me by surprise (like whoah) at bakit naman kasi nung naghubad sya ay nakaharap pa sa akin, hmmp. I like also his nape which is so smooth and sa tingin ko soft =P. One more thing mabango siya. Pag nakakatabi ko sya at sa iba sya nakatingin inaamoy ko sya, sniff sniff. Ahahaha =P

Well crush ko sya. Its not bad to have crushes naman diba?. But I don’t intend to love him. Pag uwi namin sa pinas, baka sakali. ahahaha. =P

BTW: I think he’s straight. Though, pag tinititigan ko siya nakikipagtitigan din sya talaga,, eye to eye, ako ang lumalayo kagad ang tingin, yoko mainlove. Wahahaha =P

Saturday, January 23, 2010

The Song That Made Me Fall In Love With You

(Originally posted January 2008)
DO you ever remember the song that made me fall in love you? It was 6 years ago, February 1, 2002, wasn’t it, the first time my eyes saw how special you were, and how I proved to myself that LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT was true. It was in QUEZON province where me and my friends, Tin, Ruff and Matt joined a number of student leaders of Region 4, including you, to attend a Student Leaders Congress. And there you were so far from me and i knew from the start youre special and all I can do was to watch you from a distance.

We never had a chance to talk, im shy and youre famous, that’s why most of the delegates, females and gays of course, were into you. The charm and the appeal were extraordinary I cant help but notice it every time you speak in front, or even when youre just telling something extraordinaire during the congress… I never thought I could fall so easily to a person who ive only met once.

I didn’t expect that the days that we spent together with the group went so fast, it was the final cultural night and you were assigned to sing a song number during the celebration, and I together with our group muse will dance a swing number. Of course ours were as lousy as I can remember… But when you stepped in front of the crowd and up in the stage, all were mesmerized, there you were singing the song that made me fall in love with you… and maybe a number of people in the audience

We became friends, spent time together, have bonding times and we both enjoyed it a lot. After 6 years, look at us were still friends and going strong, I never had the courage to tell you what I really feel… im afraid and never had the courage to tell you those things that made me go on with life… Im afraid I might eventually lose you if I did so, I preferred to be a friend than to take that awful risk to be a lover to you… Weve been through a lot, we have different sets of friends- but ours endured, we had our ups and downs, we were separated by distance numerous times, lost communication for the longest period… and still were talking again to one another as if there was no space, distance or period that separates our hearts together.

Tell me what powers do you possess that makes me fall deeper and deeper in love with you for every word you speak, for every message you send, for every giggle on jokes, for every smile in times of silence. Please tell me so ill learn how to counter those so that my heart won’t be broken, for this situation leads me there. I thought distance from you would end this feeling but now that you have come back into my life, everything starts all over again, just like the old days when all youre messages are saved in my diary and youre pictures saved on my diskettes. You had been my strength in life and when youre around, your presence makes me weak.

I took this journey with you 6 years ago, as a loving friend, and it makes me smile as I look back on those memorable moments that we spent together.

Its 10 in the evening, and im listening to that song that you sang 6 years ago… Know what, it perfectly fits our situation from the very beginning… and I only noticed it now. Now you’re back into my life, I really don’t know what to do, stay as planned and be your friend forever or take the chance that you are offering me – but im afraid that im over analyzing and all those that you have said and done these past few days were just you - being caring and loving friend… you have occupied enough space in my heart that made you one of the most memorable person that came and will never leave me… Thank you for all those things and saying that you love me means so much to me, and will make my life go on, you had filled something in me that no one could fill… in time youll know more about me but as of this moment let me show you again how much more I can give, how much more I can care, how much more I can love you – as friend or as a lover it doesn’t matter which line will be drawn… its not a matter of choice, it’s a matter of understanding. I am your friend forever, youre my family till the end, and I will love you because I always had, its my choice, in time youll know and hope youll understand…

I know that this is all wishful thinking and im just so glad we reconnected with each other, and I appreciate your effort to show your real feelings towards me… yes, you love me as a friend, im not asking for more- its too much to ask I know, but im happy that somehow loving you from the very start was not waste of time and emotions and sharing my life with you was so much fulfilling… Even from the start I never asked for anything in return… your smiles , laughters were enough, I just cant explain why you had this so much impact in my life, that’s why I have cared, loved, respected, and understood you all this time… Don’t worry ill do what you’ve asked me, ill call regularly to catch up with the lost time, and to form again our old bond which will never be broken by anything or anyone… Just remember im always here for you, always since the beginning and unto the end… all the words that you had spoken to me will serve as sweet memories as we grow old… this song will always remind me how I have fallen in love to a complete stranger…


My morning starts to shine with teardrops in my eyes
And here I am alone starting to realize
That my days would be brighter
If I could learn to hide
The feelings that I have for you
Keep hurting me inside
Then my days begin with simple thoughts of you
Hoping my tomorrows will be me and you
Sharing dreams with each other
And making them come true
Holding one another, saying all I need is you

But will you say that you love me
And show me that you care
Say when I need you
You will always be there
But when you go and leave me
This I swear is true
My love is always be with you

Now my nights wont end with just one wish that you
To Hold me in the dark and help me make it through
Coz this pain thats in side me
Would simply melt away
If I had you here with me
And promise youd stay….

But will you say that you love me
And show me that you care
Say when I need you
You will always be there
But if you go and leave me
This I swear is true
My love will always be with you

But will you say that you love me
And show me that you care
Say when I need you
You will always be there
But if you go and leave me
This I swear is true
My love will always be with you

Monday, January 18, 2010


Matindi ang lamig
Nanunuot hindi lamang sa mga kalamnan
Pati na sa butot kaluluwa
Ng abang taong lumisan
Sa apoy ng pagnanasa
Na maisakatuparan, pangarap na bukas
Pangarap ng kaginhawaan
Na maiahon sa hukay
Kahit isang paa lamang.

Sa tindi ng lamig
Hubad pa rin kung suungin
Ang hapdi at sakit
Kahit araw, hindi maipinta
Ang naninikip na damdamin
Luha ang nagpapawi ng pagkahabag
Inilalabas ang kahinaan
Upang balatkayong ipaglaban
Kunwaring kaligayahan o
Kaya ay ang totoong pagnanasa
Sa kalamnang hindi maipinta

Ang kahapon na bantulot ng pag-asa
ang pag-asam na sa bukas
Pag-ibig pa rin ang resulta
Maninigas sa lamig
Sa karimlan at kahiwagaan
ng giyera sa disyerto
Inaakala niyang siya’y mananalo?
Kung bakit hindi dinala ang sandata at kalasag
Upang makaiwas sa sugat at habag
Na mapag-isa sa labang walang kasiguraduhan
Buhay at puso ang nakataya.

Ganun pa man sa bawat, pagkatisod
Babangon at babangon pa rin
Huhugasan ng luha mga natuyong sugat
Kahit unti unting iginugupo ng hapdi
Kahit hininga ay unti unting malagot
Sa tindi ng pangungula at panlalamig ng damdamin
Aalalahanin pa rin
Mga ngiting nagbibigay Init
Mga halik na naghihilom ng sugat
Mga yakap na kasing bisa ng kalasag
Mga kwentong magsisilbing sandata
At mga emosyong nagbabalik sa katinuan.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Wasnt Included In the Script

April 3, 2008

The second phone call seems to be a little awkward for the both of us. There were short pauses between each topic that we discussed and the empty dialogues were there… Nevertheless that pauses did not hinder us from the little laughs that we shared and the stories of our adventures and misadventures in our so different lives. Talking to you again on the phone seems to last forever, but forever just lasted 6 minutes and 36 seconds…

We started again with the usual kamustahan that always transpire the joy of getting connected to a long lost friend. I have mentioned to you that I tried to call you in the morning but you weren’t able to pick up the phone where you said to me that you were asleep for it was your rest day. You said sorry for missing the call but I told it my fault for im being so nosey at times… If its just ok to call you everyday I will, but, obviously you have your own life and intrusion to that will not be good. You explained to me how your everyday shifting works, but know what I wasn’t able to catch up on the details of your schedule because I was just busy listening to the beautiful tone of your voice while explaining to me your busy schedule… During the three days of rest from the tiring work at your office you took chances of going home to your hometown where you send money to your family, but usually you just stay on the house of your close friends and just go home when your parents asked you to. Your parents and your friends are really lucky to have you, to touch you in the flesh and to show how much special you are to them, im sure of it.

Of all the things that we discussed, about our life and our struggles on work… and the things that were still not discussed and left on the dim… I can say that beyond the years of separation, we remain dear friends. Howd I wish that while you are talking I am there beside you watching your lips pout and your eyes shine brighter.

I am sure you have already felt how special you are to me ever since day one. The thing is, of all that we have said and done… two things will remain forever, that you are very special to me and I love you… no need for explanations or answers because there was never a question. I will never ask for anything in return, just stay happy and I will also be happy.

And then at the end of our conversation, while saying wishes of good health and the lines with regards to taking care of ourselves you said a movie line that WASN’T INCLUDED IN THE ORIGINAL SCRIPT…

Teka teka teka… why did you said that, the phonecall wasn’t supposed to end that way… Magagalit ang director sa ating dalawa…

The three lovely and sometimes nasty words were said and I was left flabbergasted, I wasn’t able to respond immediately, as if a million butterflies suddenly burst from wherever they came and occupied the space in my head where the brain resides… after a split second and a sudden goosebumps I replied… I LOVE YOU TOO…

And the director said: “CUT! PACK UP NA TAYO!”

I never knew what was your reaction at the end of the line after the call was cut, and I guess im afraid to know… But when I said those three lovely words, I meant it…

If what you have said was a lie, it was the most sweetest lie ive ever heard…



Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Hope Outside the Misty Glass Window

You’ll wake up one day and realize that the world has turned so dark that there is no difference between eyes closed and eyes wide open. It would seem that you have been alone all this time just like the night before and the days that were already gone. No one will wake you up, no friends to text you back, no family to reassure that you are still home, no teacher to appreciate your hard work, your boss will hate your reports, eager to let you go for you have proven youre just a liability. You’ll feel hope is all but lost and will never be found in this array, the world has turned its back on you, no shine, no light, no warmth and no assurance that there is still tomorrow. Just black and cold.

Will there still be reasons to go up and fix your bed, wash your head and run ahead of traffic just to get through another worthless day in your life…? Yeah sometimes it feels like shit is in your head, really.

Then you sit in one corner, the place where you used to feel heaven, but now just feels hell (well that’s the prize to pay when reminiscing good old days which will never happen again, bitterness kicking in), and you see your friends chatting merrily, people on the other corner laughing so hard it makes you sad, lovers holding hands as they spread the love around the street. And then you wonder why can’t you be like them…?

What the hell happened, what have you done wrong, have you inflicted so much pain to someone in the past to deserve this fate...? you ask yourself...

Why cant you be happy when you buy a new phone to connect to people, to friends, to love ones? or the newest gadget to boot? Why do you feel sad to know that someone is happy with somebody else? Why cant you fill your cup of happiness with the one night stand that happened to you the night before or the nice little chat you have in a party that you attended a week ago? You still feel empty whenever you hear that the boss has commended your report with the thought that there is no significant someone to congratulate and kiss you? You thought you have let go of the past just to realize that you haven’t when by chance you pass by the street when you and him have declared youre all over and done…? Why does the pain still linger in your system that all incoming happiness, have been one by one murdered, killed. The pain leaves a hole in the heart never wanting it to be filled with happiness.

On the bus, going home, you cry. The misty glass window of the cold bus blurs your vision and it hinders you to look outside the window to see the flickering hope that the darkness has in stored for you. Though the pain in your heart has left a gaping hole in the heart, it never failed to put a stopper in the drain of your eyes. You feel the intense emotions building up and the body, you thought was strong enough to contain it, weeps. You let them fall in your cheeks and unto your sleeves, leaving them to trail their rightful way from your eyes to the ground, wishing someone might wipe it for you, wishing that this someone is the one that made you cry.

You come home, and burns your food to reflect how burned out you have become and how messy this life can be. You turn the music so loud it hinders you to hear the hearts howl of pain and numbs the ear so that it could forget how the wind spells out the name, a name you yourself don’t want to forget. You read lots and lots of books to occupy the mind just to be reminded one more time about how you danced in the moonlight and how he has promised you the moons and the stars of the night. You’re heart is broken all right and it made you tear up your whole being, into tiny little pieces like a jigsaw puzzle that might take years and a special help to be put back together again, because you believe by doing so makes you feel the reality kicking in and brings you back to life once again. But what if the wind blew so strong it scattered the pieces to faraway places, what a nightmare, what darkness have you brought upon yourself.

In the silence of the day, in the darkness of the night, someday, in time pain will subside. Youll have the reason to wipe the misty glass windowto enable you to see the little sparkling hope in the street. There is no need to burn the food you eat. Someday deafness will not be an option, no need to forget anything. Someday youll be fine, everything will be ok, things will turn out quite well, and youll again start to smile and see the beauty even immediately after you open your eyes from the scary night. In time.

Soon enough youll learn that hope has never left you at all, its like the wind that is caressing you at the face, sometimes slaps you, yes, when youre numb and crazy. Sooner or later youll learn that there is one thing that really matters in this world, the only one reason why the world still turns in its axis- love. Someday youll learn that love never wanted to harm anyone, its just the people that misuses it that turns the ordeal so hard for other people… Let love open your eyes to the beauty of life, its even evident in the darkness of the darkest night, you just have to open your heart to see it.

Maybe someday, youll experience the pain again, and hopefully youll understand that without it we cannot appreciate true happiness, that all things that are easily achieved are not meant to last. Hope is always up, so get out of bed, fix your life and live your life to its fullest potential - that is to Love.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Andoon Sa Tabi Niya

(a year old draft in my previous blog, i wonder why it wasnt published.)
Dear Shade,

Tumawag si Chill, ngayon ngayon lang, he wanted to come here sa kwarto... Hindi ko lang alam kung papupuntahin ko ba siya o hindi. Nagdahilan muna ako na maraming tao sa labas ng kwarto at magiging suspicious sila pagpumunta siya dito... pero sa totoo, wala naman talaga tao sa labas ng kwarto tanging si kapit-kwarto lang na si Kuya Randy. SIguro nasabi ko yun sa kanya dahil in some part of me ayaw ko nang pumunta siya sa kwarto o kaya ayaw ko lang at wala ako sa mood, tapos yung ibang part dahil binibigyan ko pa rin siya ng hope na paglisan ng mga tao, makakapunta pa rin siya. Pero alam mo habang kausap ko siya, hindi naman siya ang nasa isip ko, ibang tao, yung tunay kong mahal... corny pero ganun nga yata talaga.

Alam mo papalamig na dito, magwi-winter na kasi. Ayan tumatawag na naman si Chill, kunwari lumabas ako ng kwarto ha, para hindi ko sasagutin at mananatiling misscall lang siya ulet... Tumunog ulet si Celpown after two minutes, Si ANGAS naman, kapatid ni Chill. Naimbitahan kasi ako sa isang party ni ANGAS kasi nanganak ang Misis nya ng isang Baby Girl, naghehesitate ako pumunta kasi baka ako lang ang Pilipino doon, pero buti naman at kasama ko si Pareng Ram pagpunta sa restaurant...


Eto kababalik lang namin ni Pareng Ram galing sa restaurant, nakupo, bundat na naman ako sa dami ng pagkain, FARAM yung pinakain sa amin, CHICKEN BBQ sa pilipinas ang katapat na dish nun. As expected andun si Chill, gwapo pa rin as usual. Hinila ko ang paa habang kumakain siya, haha, biruan lang, ngumiti naman syempre.

Nakahiga na sana ako ngayon pero tumawag na naman (na hindi ko sinagot) Si Chill kaso, super late na. On Second thought baka magtampo, ayaw ko naman na ganun, so tinawagan ko na rin, nag ring ng mahaba ang telepono, hindi sumagot, so ok na, tulugan na, ilang gabi na rin kasi akong puyat eh, sa kakaisip ng mga bagay na maaring gawin sa bakasyon, kasama na ang pagsusuma total ng mga takot at tuwa paguwi ko. Ngayon, time na para maagang matulog...


kaso hindi ako nakatulog masyado kagabi, may nagtext naman na hindi nagpatulog sa akin, siya yung iniisip ko habang kausap ko sa telepono si Chill, kita mo nga naman ang pagkakataon...

kailangan niya ako ngayon... Kailangan niya ako, ilang beses na ba? Hindi ko binibilang, hindi ko inaalintana ang sakripisyo ko sa kanya, basta masaya siya ay masaya na rin ako... Yun lang ang goal ko.

Tinawagan ko siya ilang beses, pero ayaw naman sagutin. hanggang ngayong umaga hindi pa rin sumasagot... kailangang kong makasiguradong OK siya kundi hindi ako makakapagtrabaho ng maayos nito. Ganun yata talaga ako magmahal, kailangang OK ang aking mga mahal sa buhay para makagalaw ako ng maayos, makatulog ng matiwasay at makangiti ng tunay...

tinatry ko na ulet tawagan baka nakahiga na at nagpapahinga, sana sana ok siya at nasa mabuting kalagayan...


Nagtext na siya ngayon lang, hindi niya kayang sagutin ang telepono... dahil...

Sana Andun ako sa tabi niya...

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Worth Leaving/Living

Do right time and right place occur when it comes to love? Or is it the other way around- everythings wrong but it turned out that with love alone, its the right thing all along, or at times jumbled?

It has been said that the first love is the most memorable relationship for a woman. The first TRUE love will signify the maturity of the woman and will leave a deep impact on her being. For a man, First love doesn’t matter. Man by nature is polygamous so it will be evident for almost all guys to have multiple relationships. Most of the time men are focused on the quantity of the girls they fling while the ladies are more on the quality of the relationship they’re into. So therefore the last love of men will be most important for them for this will be the point where the fun of being single stops and responsibility takes place.

I just have to ask myself, what category do I belong? True love I haven’t felt yet, I thought the last time I love it was true but it was not. James will never qualify for true love, unrequited perhaps, i never regretted anything. James made it sure that i feel that i am a person worth leaving behind after all the reasons that i have come up to why he was the person worth living and fighting for...


It’s true that in our lives, we can never tell who we are going to end up with in the future. In Love, once you get lost, it’s going to be so difficult for you to find your way back, very hard to regain something that we have freely given. Along the way, you might hurt those people whose only fault is to love you truly, madly and deeply, though it had never been your intention to do so, its never right to hurt someone. But in loving a person, you must always think that there are always two possibilities that might happen. First, you’ll be happy because the one that you love also loves you that much or secondly, you might get hurt, because the one that you love can never give back the love that you gave him because someone already owns his heart. If loving someone who cannot love you back makes you happy, then go and stay happy. Its your right to be happy! But if the love you feel for someone is a burden, makes you cry, makes you wanna go back in time in order to erase that someone in your life- but still youre hoping to the highest heavens that he might love you back even though its impossible to happen... You must know that there is something wrong. You are inflicting so much pain in your system that you alone have brought to yourself, that you alone can commence its end. And if you dont take necessary steps and you continue with the bitterness, then im pretty sure one by one people will drop you and label you as delusional. Your friends may get tired of the unending drama. There is so much things in life that are worth the time and can take the empty space in the heart, and will make you happy, consume it, seek it, share it and leave the bitterness and the false hope behind.

In the end, whatever the outcome might be, you should be contented and happy because you’re a person with a loving heart, a person who knows how to love. Sooner or later you will know the difference of people worth leaving behind and the people worth living and fighting for. Just a pity if it takes too much time for people to figure out the difference, a lot of good oppurtunities and chances have already passed you by only to be disheartened one more time.

Love is not a posession that is kept within yourself, it is a burning fire that is meant to be shared- its light and warmth to people, never diminishing, continously burning... - Cloud

Oo di tayo humihingi ng kapalit kapag nagmamahal tayo. Pero pag ang pagmamahal natin ay di nasusuklian ng tama at puro na lang mali, kailangan ng matutong sumuko at bigyan ng pagkakataon na buuin ulit sarili. "KAILANGAN KO NG SUMUKO DAHIL TULUYAN NA AKONG MASISIRA PAG DI PA AKO SUMUKO." - a friends FB shout out

Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na hindi mo mahal pero mahal ka, Kaya quits lang. - Bob Ong

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Echoes of Our Hearts

Sometimes we close our eyes and just listen to the echoes of our hearts. We all fall in love and there are times when we love so much that we lose ourselves in our emotions. More often than not, we wonder why there are love that grows, and love that grows cold. We would start to search for answers and try to find where love has gone wrong. But in the end, we find ourselves where we started for we cannot question love when it has its own reasons. Love will always be as it always has been....silent, mysterious and deeply profound.

Many of us believe that love is forever, that love never dies, only to be disillusioned in the end when we find our hands empty and our hearts longing. We mistakenly have looked at love as a need to be fulfilled. But love is a gift given to us. We should not hold it in our hands for we may never find the strength to let it go when it decides to leave. We should only embrace its warmth and glow while it last and then freely open our arms when its time to say good-bye.

When we fall in love, we don't want that feeling to end for it is everything we are, everything we wanted to be. We pray that love will stay and grow in our hearts. But if it doesn't then we should never let our lives be taken by it, for life should not end where heartaches begin.

There is always a reason why we have to move on. When we have to say good-bye to the feeling we wanted to stay forever, let us not wave our hands with a heavy heart. For love will have to set its wings free and find the place where it belongs. We may have lost it but then again, when we close our eyes and listen to the echoes of our hearts, we will hear that feeling resounding silently forever.

Then we'll know that love never left us, for the good that we have become because of love will always stay. Love will always be there, reminding us that we should be thankful and happy not because we have lost love, but because, for once in our lives, that feeling called love lived in our hearts and made us happy.

-From Lovenotes, Joe D Mango

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Pop Corn, Tissue, Window Seat

Pop Corn

Movie night. Handa na ang DVD ng City of Angels. Kanina pa luto ang pop corn, binudburan ko iyon ng cheese flavor. Sinimulan kong panoorin ang pelikulang mag isa sa madilim at malamig na kwarto, hawak ang malukong na plato ng pop corn. Umikot na ang DVD, nagsimula ang pelikula, nagsimulang maubos ang nilutong mais.

Tumingin ako sa may kanan kong upuan nagbabakasakali na katabi kitang nanonood ng pelikula, ngunit wala ka, malayo ka sa akin. Hindi na malalambot mong mga daliri ang nakikita kong nakadikit sa mga daliri ko kundi ang naninilaw na namuong cheese flavor powder ng kinakain kong pop corn. Kasing dikit ng cheese powder sa kamay ang pagkakapit natin sa isat isa habang nanonood ng mga pelikula, mga pelikulang hindi ko masyadong naintindihan pagkat mayat maya ay inaalis ko ang tingin sa higanteng screen upang mapagmasdan ang kinang ng iyong magandang mukha sa dilim. Sa bawat paghawak kamay natin gusto kong iparamdam sa iyo kung gaano ko kagustong mahawakan at mahalin ka. Ang mga kamay mo na marikit na nais kong palaging halikan, kalian ko kaya muling mahahahawakan…


“Ito ang tissue oh, linisin mo ang amos mo sa mukha” sambit sa akin ng kaibigan ko habang kumakain kami ng hapunan kagabi. Hindi ko naman nakaugalian gumamit ng tissue, kalimitan damit ko na lang na pambahay o mga libagin ang pinampupunas ko sa amos. Sayang pa kasi ang tissue kung aaksayahin ko iyon. Itatago ko na lamang upang magamit ng ibang tao. Naalala ko ang tissue na may tatak ng pangalan ng mamahaling restawran na kulay green na pasikreto kong isinilid sa wallet ko habang kumakain tayo ng dinner sa mamahaling restawran. Hindi ko iyon gagamitin, sabi ko sa sarili ko. Magsisilbi iyong ala ala na sinamahan mo ako sa hindi lamang iisang pagkakataon, kundi sa napakaraming ala ala na hindi ko malilimutan. Na sa bawat pagbuklat ko sa aking pitaka makikita ko iyong puting bagay na iyon hindi upang ipanlinis ng dumi sa mukha kundi upang maalala kung paano mo nahawi ang pangamba at takot sa aking puso. Sana nga lamang may naitabi ka ring “tissue” mula sa mga napuntahan natin, upang magamit at makatulong sa akin na punasan ang luha sa iyong mga mata at sakit sa iyong puso…

Window Seat

“Window seat please…” yan ang palagi kong turan sa tuwing mag tse-check in na ako sa Airport para ang upuang ireserba sa akin ay iyong sa may bintana. Kakaiba kasi ang feeling pag nasa tabi ka ng bintana ng sasakyan, ke eroplano pa yan, bus o jeepney. Kakaiba sa pakiramdam na nakikita mo ang tanawin sa labas habang bumibyahe ka na, Makikita ang mga ulap ng malapitan o kaya ang masaganang puno sa tabi ng daan, pati na ang nagtataasang mga gusali at mga naglalakad na taong maaari hindi mo na muling makita. Napakaganda ng tanawin sa labas, dapat na sa bawat biyahe natin sa buhay na ito ay makabuluhan at walang masasayang na sandali, enjoyin natin kumbaga. Iyan ang nais kong maranasan mo, kaya sa bawat pagsakay natin ng bus ikaw ang gusto kong laging nasa kanan ko, ikaw ang nasa tabi ng bintana upang makita mo kung gaano kaganda ang mundo sa labas ng bintana ng sasakyan. Nais kong iparamdam sa iyo kung gaano kasaya ang maglakbay katabi ang taong nagmamahal, nakakaunawa at handing magpoprotekta sa iyo sa mga nagsusumiksikang tao sa may aisle ng sasakyan. Na sa tuwing pagod ka na sa tanawin sa labas lilingon ka lang sa kaliwa mo at naandoon ako at nakatingin sa iyo. Ikaw na pinakamagandang tanawin na nakita ko sa mundong ito, nanaising kong hindi na mamalagi sa window seat ng sasakyan pagkat abot kamay ko na ang mundong marikit na dati ratiy sa labas ng bintana ko lamang nakikita, ikaw na nasa window seat.

Monday, January 4, 2010

With Matching Kissing-Kissing

Still I believe
Im missing something real
I need someone who really sees me
Don’t wanna Wake up alone anymore


Minsan may naitanong ako sa isa sa malalapit na kaibigan ko na may jowa, na ilarawan sa akin ano ang tipikal na umaga sa kanilang magpartner. Kaya inilarawan nya ang tipikal na umaga sa akin:

Gigising sila na magkayakap sa umaga.
Hahalikan sa labi ang asawa, sabay sabi ng good morning baby.
Babangon na siya at hahayaan muna ang minamahal sa kama.
Sisimulan nila ang umaga sa katahimikan at minsan din naman nag-aaway sila.
Sabay sila kakain, though hindi sila sabay maligo.

Diba napaka ideal? Pero ang isa sa na touch at na move ako ay yung unang linya:

Gigising sila na magkayakap sa umaga.

Kahit may pinag-awayan o may tampuhan nung nagdaang gabi, ewan daw niya lagi silang nagigising na magkayakap sa umaga... Nasabi ko tuloy sa kanya, “sana ganyan din ako balang araw”

Ewan ko mailap yata sa akin ang Pag-ibig, yung mga nagugustuhan ko me mga may sabit o yung hindi ako gusto, gusto ko pinipilit ko ang taong magustuhan ako. Natatawa nga ako sa sarili ko, kasi naman sa ibang bansa IISA ang unan ko. Sa loob ng dalawang taon yun ha. Sya lang lagi ang kaabay ko sa pagtulog, dahil sanay naman ako mag-isa. Yung nag-iisang unan na yun ay hindi ko ginagamit na unan sa ulo ko, sa halip niyayakap ko yun ng mahigpit bago ako matulog at makakatulugan ko na syang yakap yakap. Paggising sa umaga, hindi ko na sya yakap, nasa paanan ko na siya, hehehe. Malikot kasi ako matulog

Minsan nakakasawa na ring gumising na mag-isa sa umaga. Wala na bang bago sa buhay ko, kasi nagiging stagnant nako at malapit na ang saturation point, pero dahil malaki ang faith ko, tsaka me gift of patience yata ako, alam ko magtatagpo din ang aming landas at darating ang araw na gigising ako ng kayakap sya. May nagsabi, hindi daw hinahanap, kusang dumadating. may nagsabi naman na baka andyan na sa tabi tabi malayo lang ang tingin ko, or masyado akong choosy. kung alam lang niya antagal ko na siyang hinahanap, hinihintay at pinapangarap.


Which reminds me of someone na nakatabi kong matulog twice. Teka teka teka mali, Ill repeat my sentence.

Which reminds me of someone na nakatabi ko sa kama at hindi ako nakatulog, twice. Kasi niyakap ko sya magdamag with matching kissing-kissing. Ganun ako Ka-sweet. hehe

Still believing you’ll walk through my door
All I need is to know its for sure
Then Ill give all the love in the world
-The corrs

Sunday, January 3, 2010


By this time you have noticed that something has changed in this site. Marami na nakapagsasabi sa akin na sa pagpasok pa lang nila sa blog na ito dati, somehow they felt sad and sadness was all over. From the dark design of the blog to the posts (sealed with tears) itself. Well that was the main purpose, really. WAITING SHADE was the one who has absorbed the pain and hurt that 2009 has inflicted on me, without my friends and this blog maybe i was a goner. So as the new year starts, let me lift the sadness, and hope that this year is a year full of TALES of LOVE and not LOSS.

Each of us has their own tale of Love and Loss. We LOVE- and give the people we love what we have inside & out- that makes us happy. We love - and then we might end up in the losing end when the people we love become what we dont want them to be - cheaters, users, liars, persons who put us down, leaves us and pushes us to the lowest of lows... But what matters most in this life is that we felt LOVE. What matters most is how we regain ourselves, preserve our spirit and stand up after each fall in order to Love again hoping this time around we will never lose. Though before all of that could happen we have to first forgive and love ourselves more, for us to move on and let go.

Heres to hoping that whenever i see a cloud in the sky, that same cloud is seen by Shade, might be in a different form or state but still the same cottony, pleasant, sweet cloud that resembles his smile. We might be separated by distance and time but im pretty sure Shade and I are in the same place under the same sky.

I am still the simple Cloud, Waiting 4 Shade.
Happy New Year my friends.

Friday, January 1, 2010


i found this in my old blog, natawa ako sa mga pinagsusulat ko. wahahaha. hope it brightens your day too. =P


Aries (March 21 - April 19)
May job interview na naman ang syota mo. Ilang beses na itong bigo. Para matanggap siya, ipahiram mo na kasi yung pustiso mo. Lucky color: kulay ng pustiso mo. Lucky number: bilang ng sira at kulang niyang ngipen.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Huwag mag-alala kung magising ka sa dis-oras ng gabi. Natural lang yan. Bilog na kasi ang buwan, lalafang ka na namn ng sariwang dugo. Umiwas lang pumunta sa mga night club, maraming Pari dun. Lucky color: bloddy red, Lucky number: bilang ng mabibiktima mo.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Malas ang araw mo ngayon, huwag ka munang pumasok sa trabaho. Mas malas ang araw mo bukas, dahil tanggal ka na sa trabaho, ilang araw ka na kasing absent. Lucky color: wala. Lucky number: wala nga, malas ka nga.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Malalaman mo sa doctor mo na malaki ang tsansa mong mag kakanser sa mga pagkaing matataba at mataas sa kolesterol tulad ng itlog, mataas na kasi ang kolesterol lebel mo, kaya kailangan mong umiwas dito para maiwasan ang sakit. Ang lunas: lumakad ng pabukaka para iwas sa kolesterol. Lucky color: kulay ng pubic hair mo, Lucky number: bilang ng itlog mo… sa ref.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Magkakaroon ka ng animalistic appeal ngayong araw. Hari-harian ang drama mo.. Sa di inaasahan, makakagat mo ang syota mo habang ibi-BJ mo siya. Magsuot ng protective face mask para maiwasan ang black eye. Lucky color: brown lucky number: 1234567890, pumili ka na lang.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Kailangan mong bumoto sa darating na halalan pagkat doon mo makikita ang iyong SOULMATE. Uupo siya sa silyang malapit sa iyo at sasabihing “Pakopya naman, fill in the blanks kasi, e mahina ako dito” Lucky color: Yellow Lucky number: Bilang ng dagdag bawas na mangyayari.

Libra (September 22 - October 22)
Ooh! Oh. Teka ahhhhhh!!!!!!!! Pasensya na dapat napa aga ang pag-hula ko sa iyo, pasensya na talaga… Lucky color: kulay ng kanal na pinaghulugan mo, Lucky number: 20 pasa sa buong katawan

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Makakarating sa iyo ang isang good news at dalawang bad news. Ang good news: mananalo ka sa Lotto, ang mga bad news: nawawala ang ticket mo at lahat ng mga alahas mo at mga make-up mo ay tinangay na ng boyfriend mo, pati maid, as in, si Inday mo tinangay! Lucky color: kulay ng eye shadow mo ngayon. Lucky number: halaga ng nawala sa iyo.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Aahasin ng bestfriend mo ang iyong pinakamamahal na boyfriend. Isa lang ang kailangan mong gawin, anakondahin mo ang 2 syota niya. Lucky color: kulay ng anaconda Lucky number: 88

Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
Sa MRT ka sumakay ngayon sa halip na sa jeepney. Makikita mo dun ang dati mong crush na napaka gwapo. Tatabihan ka niya habang nakatalikod ka, hihimas himasin ang pwet mo…. Tapos me matigas na bagay na tutusok sa likuran mo, magiinit ka at titigas ang iyong katawan… bubulong siya gamit ang kanyang napakalamyos na tinig, “Tol, Holdap ito!” Mag jeepney ka nalang nga. Lucky color: pyusha, teka, green na nga lang hirap spelling eh. Lucky number: 5420 pesos, malandi ka kasi, naholdap tuloy.

Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Ngayon kayo magkikita ng ka eyeball mo, ang problema, hindi ka niya makikita dahil bulag sya. Wag na lang eyeball gamitin na term sexball na lang, tutal, gwapo siya, pwede na rin. Lucky color: pink polka-dots na me konting stripes at star sa gilid (yan ang brief na gamit nya). Lucky number: 69

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Kakausapin ka ng boss mo ngayon, lalapit sya sa iyo at sasabihing: “HOY MAGTRABAHO KA NA AT WAG KANG BLOG NA LANG NG BLOG! BWISIT!!! Lucky color: pale red (namula ka kasi) Lucky number: 10 (terminated ka na after 10 days)