Friday, July 31, 2009

KANDADO

Tok tok tok

Heto na naman ako, kumakatok sa pintuan mo. Pero ayaw mo talagang buksan ang pinto at pilit mong iniiwasan ang mga taong nais maging bahagi ng iyong pamamahay. Hanggang beranda lang kami ng bahay mo pagkat andun sa pinto ang isang napakatibay na kandado na kahit anong susi yata ay walang magkasya at makapagbukas.

Kailan lang ba tayo nagkakilala, pero merong isang bagay na naramdamam ako sa iyo na nagbigay dahilan kung bakit ako ngayon nasa paanan ng pintuan mo at hinihintay ang pagbubukas nito. Matagal tagal na rin akong nag ka camping dito sa garden mo, nasaksihan ko ang pagbukadkad ng bulaklak ng santan pati na ang pagdapo ng mga bubuyog at paru paro sa gumamela, pati yata ang paghabi ng sapot ng BOTOGS sa puno ng akasya ay napagmasdan ko. Buti na lang at may INTERCOM dito sa labas at minsan ay naririnig ko naman ang boses mo na nagpapalakas ng aking loob. Ano nga ba ang meron ka at nandito parin ako ngayon? Hindi ko rin alam eh, sana nga lang magkaalaman na.

Sa pagkakaalam ko hindi ka masamang tao, pero nararamdaman ko naman na hindi rin ganun kabusilak ang puso mo. Nasasabi ko ang mga bagay na ito dahil sa kalagayan ko ngayon dito sa labas. Siguro hindi ko na dapat ito sinasabi pagkat alam kong alam mo na ang tinutumbok ko. Kailan lang ba na paulit ulit mong sinasabi na hindi moko pababayaan, na ililigtas mo rin ako sakaling umulan at kumulog at kumidlat, pero dinaanan na yata ako ng sangkaterbang bagyo, miminsan lamang kong naramdaman ang pagsinta mo talaga. Nilalamig akot natatakot, pero minsan talaga sarili ko lang ang aking nakakapitan. pero bale wala yun masaya akot ligtas ka jan sa loob.

Nakahalungbaba akong naghihintay, madalas na akong napasungaba sa iyong pintuan sa pagtulak o kayay pag ransack niyon pero wala talaga, matindi ang pagkaka kandado mo. Alam mo ba naaalala ko pa ang bulungan natin sa may bintanang nakakandado rin… nalulungkot ka dahil natatakot ka na muling sumugal at buksan ang pinto para sa mga kumakatok dito… Alam mo bang nabwisit ako sa iyo nung mga panahong iyon, pusang gala naman oh, paano ko ba ipapakita sa iyo na ako ang taong hindi ka pababayaan at aalalayan ka sa lahat ng bagay? At ako ang magbibigay sa iyo ng lakas para muling buuin ang anumang nabasag sa loob ng iyong buhay.

Pasensya na ha, nadala lang akong aking damdamin. Buksan mo na kasi ang pinto at itapon ang kandado nito, kasi alam mo malamig dito verranda at unti unti na akong nilalamon ng “fog” baka isang araw pag sumilip ka sa bintanang maliit, wala ka nang makitang mga paru paro at mga bulaklak kasi wala nang nag aalaga niyon, kasi umalis na ako. Nakakapagod ding maghintay kaibigan ko.


Wednesday, July 29, 2009

STOP SIGN

Why do you have to say those words, coz it doesn’t make any sense at all. Think of Sahara without sands or the Pacific without the seawater...

---


I am starting to hate you. Yeah i know, hate is a strong word and it doesnt fit you actually, ok, ok, ill rephrase it and it goes like this... I am starting to hate myself because of YOU.

YOUre definitely special no doubt about that, but frankly, when i first saw you walking the highway of life, i never saw what i shouldve seen. You never possess the HALO nor the angelic wings which my eyes usually see, the glow in youre face is rather dim and the pleasant personality that you have- seems to be so ordinary, nothing peculiar or remarkable. I felt youll just be someone who will pass by the highway, either running or sitting on the passenger seat of ur special someone.

Someone inside me always mentions your name as I walk my street, which is becoming unglittered and savage. The alley that I usually walk through is very far from the avenue that you usually take, but there came a time that when I looked back on the direction you were going, there you were running towards me away from the street that you are familiar with. Its as if youre flying and the broad wings that you posses now seems strong enough to pull yourself from the sandy ground and now you were aglow, you took my hand and a sudden bolt of electricity took me by surprise, really it was something special.

Special as it seems, I started to think of you more- there you were beside me, walking side by side; and I don’t know what to do. You gave me reasons to like you more – youre frequent smiles affects me so much and I am starting to love your snowy cute face. Im really sorry i wasnt suppose to feel this way but im starting to ask something that i might regret in the near future- i wanted us to be more than just friends. I do hope there is nothing wrong with that, were both free but i fear to accept that were also afraid.



Afraid. I am so afraid. For years now, i am living my so called life alone and when i finally walked the road with you glittery pathways were realized and the savageland became haven for me... With you around TIME STOPS.



When my world stopped, i didnt noticed that for a very short period of time you have noticed the little signboard on OUR street... an when you saw that, you suddenly turn your back from me and ran back to your familiar avenue. was I another STOP SIGN in your life or maybe another ditch that you should avoid?... You to me were never a stop sign, in fact your the shortcut to happiness, contentment and love, it just so sad that you have left me alone again and all i have left to do is to move forward on my street while you walk towards the destination i will never know. I wanted to think that one day our path will cross again and i will see you pass by the highway, either running or sitting on the passenger seat of ur special someone... I just dont understand the reason why i always think of you, eventhough your on a different avenue now, maybe walking with someone you found stronger and prettier than me... But im starting to hate myself because of you- You turned bland and thawed and while i was left dreaming of you and scribbling your name on an empty paper. Our friendship seems so old and ragged, is it time to speed my way to you or just stay here on my old road.?

My old road came back- unglittered and savage, neverminding the ditches and the stop signs- and i am walking towards nothingness.


"...another bruise to try and hide
another alibi to write
another lonely highway in the black of night
there's hope in the darkness
i know you're gonna make it...
...another ditch in the road
you keep moving
another stop sign
you keep moving on
and the years go by so fast
silent fortress built to last
wonder how i ever made it..."
- Two Beds and a Coffee Machine by Savage Garden




(A repost from my old defunct blog)

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Serendipity

Serendipity: (noun) Good luck in making unexpected and fortunate discoveries.

Fortunate accidents.

I wanted to watch again one of my favorite films of all time the mushy “Serendipity” but to no avail I have no CD or any media file of the film to satisfy my hunger for any “kilig” moment though artificially created through watching the film. But just the other day my officemate Duke_Cloud, who of course has the same name as I have, handed me his external HDD and he excitedly told me that he finally downloaded a copy of Serendipity. I was surprised because it was months ago since I have mentioned to him how great the film was and maybe it caught his attention and searched for the video on the net. I Attached his HDD on the office PC and looked and looked but the video file wasn’t there. He was surprised too. He was sure that the video was saved on that specific folder. I told him to just copy and paste it on the PC desktop and ill copy it the next day.

Prior to that incident, I met a friendly guy online. I have been a follower of his site for quite sometime now but I was not sure if I have read all of his entries. Maybe most, but not all of them. I took my courage and asked his YM and he gladly gave his and voila we were instant online friends. We talked just about general things like, work and life. Nothing special at all. I still recall one of my first questions to Him.

Cloud: is your name really Knight _Cloud?
Him: No its just an online name.
Cloud: Oh I thought we have the same name, I thought its Serendipity. =)

---

Then yesterday, Duke_cloud informed me that the Video file of Serendipity was in the HDD all along and he just “accidentally” placed it on the other folder. He also successfully copied the file on the office desktop for me to copy on my own HDD. Excitedly I checked for the video quality and that night would be a “movie night”.

Tonight is "serendipity" movie night. kaya Cloud uwe ng maaga ha.
about 20 hours ago from twitter


Lucky discoveries.

Came afternoon, I got the chance to talk again to Knight _Cloud online, just some random things about heartbreak and relationships, work and work and life and love. Typical things that we encounter everyday. I got really curious on him, thus I decided to save his whole blog with entries I haven’t read yet to my HDD (I have no internet connection at home), I placed the file inside the “Serendipity folder” so that I can read it at home tonight.

Came eight oclock and the Pancit Canton-hot & spicy was ready, for me to eat while watching Serendipity with Raoul, my baby laptop. The film was really great, and I think I fell in love with Kate Beckinsale, she was really pretty. While John Cusack’s hair was really off, he would look gorgeous if his hairstylist has done some magic, still hes handsome nonetheless. I felt that the film lifted my spirits up, just what snickers chocolate does to me.

The film ended at around 10pm and I fixed myself so as I can get my well deserved sleep. I went to the bathroom washed my face, brushed my teeth. Came back to my room, turned off Raoul, closed the lights, went to my bed and shut my eyes.

But after ten minutes of total darkness, I opened my eyes again. I cant sleep. There was still a task to be done, I searched my brain for the unfinished task of the day, and yes I remembered the saved pages of Knight_Cloud’s site.

I stood up, I opened my laptop Raoul again. Searched for the Serendipity folder on my external HDD and opened His Site.

I backread on his blog, very interesting indeed. His relationships, his life’s goings on. His friends. Most of his entries I have already previously read, but there is one entry that was still untouched by my eyes, I just don’t know why I skipped that entry before, maybe it was too long or I was in hiatus. I was all smiles while reading. I cant believe what I am reading, its really weird. In that entry, I found out that his past partners have a name similar to mine, thus “Cloud” and my names “derivatives” or what you call nicknames was mentioned 23 times (the floor in which Sara and Jonathan pressed at the Wistoria Hotel)

Weird. But it’s a cool thing. I was all smiles when I went back to my bed to sleep. The turn out of events has visited me.

Duke_clouds surprise that he has already downloaded the film and accidentally placing the file on the wrong folder that hindered me to watch the film the previous night and instead watched on the fateful night.

My question to Knight_cloud about the serendipitous likeness of our names.

The lucky saving of the site on the same folder as the film

My curiosity that made me stay up late just to finish reading his site

And the likeness of the names, its really weird.

In that entry he mentioned my name 23 times. 23 is a significant number in the film.

Maybe Serendipity do happens. Just like what happened to Flemming when he discovered Penicillin.

Still it’s the choices we make that defines who we are and who we become. And as for Prince_cloud and Knight_cloud, im sure they will be good Pards. =)

---

“Its perfect… Its an excellent choice” – Jonathan Trager to his Fiance

(for the gift she gave him -the book that contains Sara’s full name and her home telephone number)

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Better Something

Better Something
by Prince_Cloud 19.07.09

I have a better brain
not a better heart, so foolish and dumb
not a better feet, to jump away and run
Not a better stomach, cant digest what i churn

I have a better feet
not a better brain, whose thoughts are lame
not a better heart, already broken and drained
Not a better stomach, cant accept those intakes

I have a better stomach
not a better feet, to skip the obstacles
not a better brain, most of the time braindead
not a better heart, leased and bruised

I have a better heart
not a better feet, will not runaway
not a better brain, logic are just insane
Not a better stomach, hurtful words i can take

I think i have a better heart
though stupid but can melt your pain

Monday, July 20, 2009

I Never Asked for Red Roses

I never asked you to love me, my love for you and letting me love you in my own simple way was more than enough for me.

---

Its 11pm and im crying. I have stared on this blank sheet for a while now and images of the past have revisited me once again, as fluid as they be, I wanted to save them and place them on the archives of my heart and soul forever. The night was supposed to comfort a lonely soul, similar to the soul that I have, but circumstances arise that we need to see how scarred and broken we were to understand that the pain and all the cruelty this world has inflicted to the psyche can be the saving grace of others and perhaps can save their lives.

The thought that one of the most important person in your world would leave you forever is the hardest thing to accept in life. It takes a great deal of faith, love and sacrifice to understand that life was just meant to be lived fully and after all of that is death and beyond. So it was hard for me to watch someone confess on national TV that the most important person in her world is dying because of Cancer. How hard it was to hear that the days are numbered and its just a matter of time that eventually the will of the body and mind will succumb to the sickness that nobody wants.

Kris Aquino’s statements regarding the health of her beloved mother Corazon Aquino, struck my soul, and I remembered my dear friendship James.

Its been a long summer without him. I miss his messages, our irregular chikahan, his woes, his sufferings, his pain, his pleas, his smiles, his laughter. His voice. His cry for help. I really don’t know if I was a good friend to him, or if I was, how did my presence in his life affected his soul. Have I even left an imprint on him that he cannot forget? I really don’t know. But if someone asked me if he left an imprint on my soul, he did. Its like a tattoo on my chest that maybe lasered off but will always be part of me.

It all started the day he needed a hero, the day I chose to be his SUPERMAN. But little did I know that my heart was the kryptonite.

---

My conscience will call me a liar if I will tell to myself that I wasn’t attracted to him the first time I saw him, but I wasn’t into him. It wasn’t love at first sight. That feeling was supposed to end that night, for I crave for someone else, amongst our number, the Mr. Right for me. Though the latter was also into me, its indeed difficult to be with me, I for one work overseas, making it difficult to be a partner. Thus, nothing materialized. But a different kind of partnership sprouted in that noisy evening, its what people call “FRIENDSHIP”.

I cant even remember the reason why I fell in love with him, a supposed overseas friendship connected only thru mobile phones and the internet. He wasn’t as sweet as Sonny, my first love, who always tell me what I wanted to hear and who sings angelically. He wasn’t as handsome and gorgeous as Achilles, fubu, who always made me feel secured through his tight embraces. He wasn’t as generous and protective as LUCIAN, an arab suitor, who stands as my personal security agent here abroad. Moreover he wasn’t like my mom who cares and loves me so much; it irritates me in a good way. But through all the comparisons, other than my mom, he outshone them all. At the back of my head, someone is telling that it is wrong to love him, then how can it be wrong if it feels so right… Ironic that I have to fall for someone so far away instead of someone just so near.

I made a promise of friendship, a vow that I haven’t broken. I will always be there for him no matter what. And the guy that said love can move mountains was telling the truth, I did, I did move mountains for James.

And he called my name from time to time, and each and every time he called, I wasnt there physically, but in so many different ways, I was always with him, happily helping him though all the pain, sufferings, and shortcomings of people around him. Every sacrifice was worth it, I always told myself. Being friends with him was a great delight; he made me sane and kept my head from floating, he made me smile once in a while. He was my personal brand of MULTIVITAMINS, made me energized, inspired and sometimes troubled to the point that tears were swelling in my eyes. Until the day I realized I have fallen for a trap that I have made for myself. As a true friend to him, I confessed what I felt, and his reply was a mere “Hindi natin maiiwasan yan eh.”.

I did begged myself to stop this foolishness, and with my brain at bay and my feet chained, my heart worked wonders that I have never ever thought it was capable of doing. Though the nervous system sends pain signals to the brain and was excruciatingly difficult to handle, the heart has countered all of that and I was happy, beyond all the doubts and fear that I have collected, all but love and trust reigned in me.

The tears I have first shed for him at Yellow Cab with David watching me was worth it, I have always told myself. The resounding wake up call that Greg has given me in the bridge of Pasig River was nothing, for I am wide awake. I have no regrets. Never will have, when it comes to James.

I was saving him in the expense of my soul, I do hope I have saved his world, I can only do much but beyond that I am nothing. The mountain that I have lifted left a steep ravine for me to fall into.

For me that promise was the road that will lead me home. I held on to that promise until the day he left me. I can still recall his last message to me. “Kung wala ka malamang wala na rin ako, salamat salamat.”

According to him, he was sick. Like a person who loves blindly, I have accepted all the truths that have come from him, without any doubt. And he assured me he will wait for my return, and we can still salvage the hope that is still in the air and be friends forever.

After three years of regular correspondence, of jokes and laughters. Of tears and wet pillows. He left. And I was free from my promise, I have fulfilled my vow. But did the kryptonite’s power stopped, I think not.

It was my duty to make sure he was ok. To make sure he was safe, happy, content, loved by the people who was taking care of him. But my efforts were futile. My calls wasn’t answered, My emails might be read but left in the bin, my texts- just a waste of space. I did what I have to do, and I waited, just like what I have been doing all my life. Waited and be patient, my best quality. But distance and the lack of knowledge of his world might be the reason why our bridge collapsed. I tried to build it again, but he refused to help.

I waited, I was sure he will come back.

It was the saddest phone call of my life. James’ most loved, Carlo, sent me a message that prompted me to urgently call him. The words that I have heard crushed my heart and soul. James was dying, in coma, and just waiting for someone so that he can kick his bucket peacefully. Carlo said, it might be me who James wants. Carlo didn’t know how much it pained me to hear the words he uttered. I just cried. Im trapped here and powerless, I cant even save myself from drowning in my tears.

It was a torture beyond all tortures combined. James needed me once again maybe for the last time. But how many times have I said to myself that “this is the last time”? Countless maybe. All that’s left in me was my life, I could give it to him gladly I just don’t know how to break my life force to enable me to lengthen his.

My heart has weakened overtime, and brain tookover on the dealings with Carlo’s messages about james. “Where was he when James needed help? And its timely enough for him to take over on saving James”. I have lost my super strength, my speed was mediocre and my laser eyes were blind, my red cape was torn, I cant fly anymore. Brain has told the heart to stop talking and let him think this through. But brain knew from the very beginning that Clouds heart is mightier, though weak, but still dominant. And it was decided that mightier than any help I can give was my prayers. Its my last power, my last way of helping James.

Do you know that I have asked God, to make you a liar? That all of this was just your way to live a good life. That you are not sick, and you are enjoying the life that I have dreamed of you to have, happy, loved, contented and safe. That in your world I may not be present but at least I know that you are living happily, the way ive always wanted you to be. I can live with the lies but the thought of you leaving, no, its so hard to accept that all this saving stuff meant nothing at all. I did my best James, im sorry i wasn’t the superman I was supposed to be, I wasn’t able to save you.

Leaving me with the thought of you dying in just months time is excruciatingly painful for my brain to decipher. But deep inside, my heart is telling me youre alright. Youll live and one day in Gods time we will see each other again,. That the tight embrace you gave me at the bus station in Pasay wasn’t the last and I can still see your smile and your pale face.

I just want you to know that I have crushed the kryptonite case of my heart, like what you have always wanted to happen.

You are loved and will always be my beloved friend. I miss you so much.

I never asked you to love me, i just hoped you did.

01:12am

Saturday, July 18, 2009

♫Keep On...♪

For You,

Dont know what happened,
or the lack of it i guess.
ive written this out of the blue.
This ones for you, again. Thanks.

(a song bout finding someone,
someone to have and to hold,
just like what we and most
of the people have been doing)
(i just wish my voice was prettier enough)



an octave higher version. (kinarir talaga)




Keep on
Music & lyrics by Prince_Cloud

While I was running alone
Alone and feeling so cold
On the bridge that will lead me to you
But why this road seems so long
And I keep on getting stoned
Im just wondering if youll be there for me

Refrain:
And I keep on searching, walking, running
But I keep on tripping on the ground.
And I keep on moving, waiting, falling
But you keep on hurting my heart.

Chorus:
How long will you keep on hiding
When will I Stop on running
How long will you keep me away
Where will this road lead my life
Give me the strength so I can survive
What do I have to give to claim your heart

I keep on following you
And do the things a lover do
That Im willing to be with you all the way
Eventhough our worlds are apart
I can feel that you have my heart
Ive been missing you, forever, i do

Refrain:
And I keep on talking, shouting, singing
But I keep on losing my voice.
And I keep on Hoping, lovin and hurtin
Heartbroken and healing at once

Chorus:
How long will you keep on hiding
When will I Stop on running
How long will you keep me away
Where will this road lead my life
Give me the strength so I can survive
What do I have to give to claim your heart

(keep on) searching, walking, running
moving, waiting, falling
(keep on) talking, shouting, singing
Hoping, lovin and hurtin
Heartbroken and healing at once

Thursday, July 16, 2009

"PROMISE RINGS"

“I love the concept of promises… something to accomplish, something to hold on to, something to look back and lead you home, something worth fighting for and that something that sometimes impossible to achieve- most often than not broken, but when fulfilled, oh what a joy” - Cloud

---

planning to go to Gold Market tom with tropa. pumasok na naman sa utak ko na bumili ng 2 promise rings.(Twitter)
---

Antagal ko na balak bumili ng gold rings. Dalawa, isa para sa akin at isa sana para sa aking una, kung sino man siya. Gusto ko yung thought na, yun ang una kong ibibigay na regalo, if ever nga na magkaroon nga ako ng una. Ang plano sana Itatago ko muna yung mga singsing tapos pagdating nya ibibigay at isusuot ko sa kanya. Romantiko.

Sa katangahan ko dati, bibigyan ko sana ng 2 promise bands si James, isa para sa kanya at isa sa baby nya. Masaya ako makitang masaya ang tao anuba. Kahit hindi ako yun. Totoo, weh mahal eh. Buti na lang at hindi nya tinanggap ang idea at buo pa rin ang konsepto ng aking promise rings. Tanong ng mga kasamahan ko bakit singsing kagad ang ibibigay ko, weh napakamahal non at hindi pa yata raw nararapat. Ewan ko rin nga ba, hindi ako mahilig sa alahas at kung anumang abubot sa katawan. Wala akong relos at kahit isang gintong bagay sa katawan, bukod sa puso of corse, haha. Pero nung kolehiyo ako ibinigay sa akin ng nanay ko ang kanyang wedding ring at ipinagkatiwala sa akin, hanggang nakapagtapos ako. Simbulo yun ng promise ng inay at tatay na pagtatapusin ako at nairaos nga nila ako sa king pag aaral. Ibinalik ko ang wedding ring nya nung mangibang bansa ako. Mahal na mahal ko ang singsing na iyon, simple pero malaki ang kahulugan. Doon nabuo ang aking idea ng promise ring na hanggang ngayon ay idea pa rin lang.

Yung mga singsing simbolo ng pangakong Siya lang at wala nang iba. Simpleng thought pero rock. Na sa tuwinang hahawakan ng hinlalaki ang palasingsingan na nagtataglay ng gintong singsing, maaalala palagi ang pangakong binitiwan. Pangakong tutuparin, panghahawakan, ipaglalaban. Surreal, pero kayang tupadin.

Kaso sa tuwing pupunta ako sa alahasan, nagdadalawang isip ako. Ilang taon na rin ako nagpapabalik balik doon pero bakit hindi ko mahawakan ang mga sing sing na makikinang. Maaring hindi pa oras na mapasaakin ang mga iyon. Kaya hanggang tingin na lang ako. Nahihili nga ako nung bumili si Pareng Ram ng wedding rings nya. Sobrang ganda, sabi ko ”makakabili rin ako nyan” sabay tawa.

Ayun tuloy puro hikaw, kwintas, at pulseras ng inay ang nabibili ko parati pag punta ko ng gintuan, At ang inay tuwang tuwa naman.

Namimiss ko ang magkaroon ng singsing sa kaliwang palasingsingan. Tsaka na ako bibili pag alam ko na ang size ng palasingsingan Niya, kung sinuman Siyang paparating.

=)


Saturday, July 11, 2009

MY SHADE

I haven’t been the center of the suns’ glorious rays nor qualified for the eye of the storm to pass me by. I was just a mere bystander as the summer season wakes up and dies and always the one without umbrella as the tears of the sky comes pouring down. It seems im left behind as I see people holding their hands in the park at noontime and while others share their small umbrellas that will definitely make both their sleeves wet. But who cares if your skin is burned as long as someone will tell you how cool it was to be tanned. And who cares if you get soaked up as long as deep inside, something’s burning hot.

I don’t know where I am, I thought I was right on track, but it seems im lost. The seasons have not been good to me. I saw the sunny day, got burned and was overjoyed on the bright light until my vision went pitch black leaving me with no sight. I thought I found refuge during the rainy days, but flood came and I almost drowned, luckily I know how to swim on the river of tears.

I hope and pray that in time ill be the RIGHT CLOUD in the blue sky, big enough to cover two people from the burning sun and decently white to ensure the weather’s gonna be fine. From there MY SHADE might come, and the wait is all over.

---

Kahit pala ako ang ulap,
hindi ko pala kayang takpan
ang liwanag ng iyong pinakamamahal na araw...
kahit pa sinangga ko ang init niyon...

…Hindi ko kayang makitang malungkot ka
kaya hinawi ko ang sarili ko
para ipakita sa iyo ang mga bituin…
At ngumiti kat nagningning

kahit pa biyayaan kita ng masaganang ulan,
o kayay bigyan ka ng lilim.
Ang langit pa rin sa likod ko
ang tangi mong hiling...

(isang tula, nasulat noong 10.06.09)

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Manok, Kape, Balon, Ikaw

Manok

Roasted Chicken at omelet ang inorder ko nung muli tayong nagkita. Simulat sapul na hindi ako magaling sa decision making kaya hindi rin ako magaling pumili ng mga choices sa pagkain sa menu. Ang gusto ko kasi kung ano ang gusto ng kasama ko yun din ang gusto ko, ganun ako ka flexible. Ayaw mo namang mamili ng pagkain kaya napilitan akong umorder ng kung anuman ang sa tingin ko ay masarap. Pero magkakombinasyon naman sila diba? Si nanay at si baby nasa hapagkainan natin… Marami na akong nakasabay na mag dinner, pero kakaiba ka sa lahat. Sa iyo ko naramdaman ang ibang klaseng paglalambing, paggabay at pag-asikaso. Ang mga kwentuhang ating pinagsaluhan ay higit pa sa sarap ng pagkaing kanilang isinilbi sa atin. Kahit na napakaraming tao sa loob ng CLASS na restawran na pinagkakainan natin, parang tayo lang ang nandoon na nagkukwentuhan at nagtatawanan.


Pinilit ko ring gayahin ang luto doon pero hanggang omelet lang yata ang kaya kong gawin at hanggag paprito prito lang ako ng manok dati. Type na type ko pati balat ng manok… Siguro I try mo minsan na tikman yung ibang luto ko sa manok, kasi mukhang naperpek ko na ang pininyahang manok at adobong manok eh. Mahal ko na talaga ang mga manok dahil sa iyo.

Marami pang beses akong nakatikim ng omelet at roasted chicken sa ibat ibang restaurant pero kakaiba pa rin talaga kapag kasama kitang kumakain, at doon sa unang beses na dinner na iyon natikman ko ang pinakamasarap na omelet at chicken sa mundo.

Kape

Hindi talaga ako mahilig sa kape. Sa katunayan hanggang tubig lang ako kung maari. Pagkatapos ng gimik natin sa cubao dati nagkayayaan tayong magkape sa Starbucks. Syempre todo kwentuhan pa rin tayo over coffee. Siguro nahalata mo na hindi ko masyadong ginagalaw ang Frapuccino ko, masarap talaga sya oo, alam mo bang gustung gusto ko na syang ubusin talaga, pero pinipigilan ko ang sarili kong ubusin sya. Sa halip napagdiskitahan ko na lang yung natirang softdrinks sa concert. Alam mo bang kaya hindi ko inubos yung kape nung gabing iyon ay para maiuwi ko lang yung Tall cup na may pangalan mo para maging isang alaala na minsan nagkape tayong dalawa na magkasabay, sa tingin ko rin mauulit ang ating pagkakape dito at magiging isa ka sa mga taong magbibigay ng “caffeine” sa buhay ko.


Hindi nga ako nagkamali.

Naulit din minsan ang mga pagkakape natin kahit na sobrang malayo tayo sa isat isa. Nagkakayayaan at nakakapagkape pa rin tayo minsan na magkasama. Naging parte ka nga ng sistema ko. Minsan dahil sa pagmamahal ko sa kape masyado akong nagiging hyper active at hindi makatulog minsan sa gabi, sa dami ng nainom na kape at sobrang pag-iisip sa iyo.

Balon

Natatandaan mo ba nung una kang tumuntong sa Antipolo na kasama ako, doon pa ako nakatira sa napakapangit na Boarding house, kasi nga nagsisimula palang akong tumayo sa sarili kong paa ng mga panahong iyon kaya hanggang doon lang ang nakaya kong kunin na bahay. Bukod na sa hindi well ventilated wala pang gripo o tubig, kaya todo igib sa Balon para pampaligo at pila balde naman pang inom at pangluto. Sana nakatulog ka ng maayos nung gabi na yon kahit na walang aircon, pero meron namang Electric Fan. Kinabukasan Ipinag-igib kita ng tubig mula nga sa balon at sa pagmamadali ko, biruin mo ba namang nadapa ako, ma-LUMOT kasi yung daanan kaya ayun napasalampak ako… buti na lang hindi masyadong malaki ang sugat… masakit nga pero pagdating ko sa kwarto hindi ko naman ipinahalata sa iyo baka kasi mag-alala ka pa, tutal naman fast healer ako, kayang kaya ko ang sakit.


At naligo ka na nga gamit ang tubig na inigib ko mula sa balon na nagdulot ng sugat sa tuhod ko. Nakangiti pa rin ako kahit medyo masakit kasi napagsilbihan kita kahit konti.

Ikaw

Nakakatawang aminin pero parang hindi ako nararapat sa atensyon mo. Nung una ipinilit ko talaga ang sarili ko sa iyo para maging magkaibigan tayo pero napakabait mo at pinapasok mo ako sa iyong buhay at naging saksi sa ilang bahagi niyon. Nag-iba ang pananaw ko sa buhay at dahil iyon sa iyo. Napakasaya ng panahon pag kasama kita, parang tumitigil ang oras at malalaman ko na lang na tapos na pala at uwian na. Minsan hinahanap hanap ko ang mga panahong iyon at nais ibalik sa dati ang ikot ng ating magkaibang mundo, pero tanging panahon lang ang makapagsasabi kung kailan iyon mangyayari… Kung mangyari man iyon sana ay handa mong tanggapin muli ang ating pagkakaibigan at isiping ang pagkakalayo natin sa loob ng mahabang panahon ay para lamang kahapon na mabilis na dumaan… Nakakaadik ang presensya mo kaya siguro napamahal ka na sa akin talaga… kahit alam kong mali…

---

Napakatipikal kong magmahal, gusto ko kung masaya ka, masaya na rin ako… kahit na minsan nasasaktan sa kabila ng kasiyahang ating nadarama. Parati nga akong narito eh, para sa iyo at sa iba pang pinakamamahal ko – kapamilya at kaibigan. Pero bakit ba kahit na mahal na mahal natin ang isang tao o isang bagay at alam natin na nakakasakit na sa atin, pilit pa rin nating sinusubaybayan, inaalalayan, niyayakap at pinapasaya…

Marami ang mahilig sa balat ng manok kahit na nakakapagpataas ito ng kolesterol… Marami ang naadik sa kape kahit na nakakapalpitate ito at minsan din nakakasama ang sobrang caffeine sa katawan… Sa pagpupumilit nating pagsilbihan ang ating minamahal, at pag tayoy nadapa sa tabi ng BALON na malalim, tatayo pa rin tayo para iuwi ang isang baldeng tubig para sa ating minamahal… Isa yata yon sa misteryo ng pagmamahal, sa palagay ko… yung tunay at wagas. Aminin man natin o hindi sa kabila ng sakit at hirap, napakasaya naman diba na makita ang ngiti at saya sa kanilang mukha.

Parang IKAW, kahit na alam ko na sa pagpapatuloy nito ay masasaktan lang ako, pero bakit ba hindi na lang ako tumigil at lumayo muli sa iyo at umiwas? Siguro nga maaga pa para magdesisyon pero sana naman makakita ako ng isang karatula na magsasabi na “TOL DEAD END NA”. Pero sa kabila ng kadramahang ito, nandito pa rin palagi ako para sa isang kaibigan na palaging handa na saluhan ka sa pagkain, sabayan ka sa pagkakape at ipag igib ka ng tubig mula sa balong malalim, tulad ng dati.

Nahulog ako sa balon mo dati, wag mo naman hayaang mahulog ako muli ngayon kasi mahirap umakyat at umahon magisa, masakit…

Ikaw na nga yata ang naging manok at kape ng buhay ko na kahit iwasan ko hindi na maalis sa sistema ko kahit alam ko naman sa dulo ay isa lang ang kalalabasan: Sakit sa Puso.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

A Story of Unrequited Love

how powerful love can be?

ive written this song a while back, thinking of someone who can never be mine. Still ill always be here for him, as a friend.

My Voice aint good, but i do think the composition is a great one. thats why i wanna share. hopefully one day, this would find a way on the radio. (anlakas ng pangarap)



Recorded using Raoul's 1.3 megapix webcam while i was suffering from colds, hence the voice. :D

KATABI

Music and Lyrics by Cloud

Bakit ang layo ng tingin mo palagi?
natagpuan na ba ang hinahanap mo?
Sa tagal ng paglalakad, pag-aabang
At pagtanaw sa dako roon,
Ako ang napapagod sa iyo.
Tapos sinasabi mo, nahihirapan ka na

Sa pag tiad ng mga paa,
Sa pagkaway ng mga kamay
Sa pagkunot ng iyong noo,
Sa pangingilid ng luha sa mga mata.
Hindi kita iiwanan,
Nandito lang akot katabi

Ako ang tutuyo ng luha sa iyong mukha
Nang maningning na matay, muli kong makita
Nang madampian, busilak na kutis
Kahit kaunting ngiti ay araw sa gabi.
Hanggang handa ka nang muling hanapin SIYA

Sa pag tiad ng mga paa,
Sa pagkaway ng mga kamay
Sa pagkunot ng iyong noo,
Sa pangingilid ng luha sa mga mata.
Hindi kita iiwanan,
Nandito lang akot katabi

Bakit hindi na lang lumingon sa tabi mo?
Baka mapagtanto mong nandito lang pala ang sinasamo
Dahil sa layo ng tingin hindi mo sya napapansin.
Kasamat, katabi sa gabing malamig na at madilim.

Hindi kita iiwanan,
Nandito lang akot katabi