Saturday, December 19, 2009


(a repost, originally posted 13.04.08)
Someone way way back told me with full conviction that when two couples are in the process of getting to know each other and will eventually turn out to be couples, he strongly affirm that the first one who will say I LOVE YOU to the other will be the loser in the end of their relationship if ever it will turn sour or in short, not meant to be… somehow I got this mantra from him and as much as I could, I don’t wanna say those three words if im not sure for I don’t want to lose in the end… who wants to lose anyway…

“eh di I LOVE YOU na…”

I was talking to him on the phone, five months ago and were talking about stars and the crickets of the farm… ive told him this story about two friends who were in love with each other but they were afraid to tell their true feelings for they don’t wanna lose their friendship or their love may not be returned. And then he blurted the three words to me, I am unprepared… I don’t know, I think he don’t trust me… Now were friends.


A very close friend in college, nicknamed TIN, showed so much interest on me to my delight. HE was also a student leader, actually my superior, and i spent good times with him during our term as student leaders… The thing was, he constantly expresses his admiration to me, again to my delight and astonishment. He sometimes hugs me, even though im frail and thin, and I really enjoyed the attention from him, all those laughs and all the nice activities weve done, not on bed of course but on our extra curricular activities in the university… Hes now a regular correspondence a great friend.

“ANO, mahal mo rin ba ako…?”

He first asked me this question and I think I am obliged to answer YES, because of the fact that im in his house, beside him on his bed and barenaked… Though the answer was clear, I was never serious about the answer, lest on our relationship. There was the opening remark but there was never a closure. I was supposed to love him but I didn’t, I was supposed to be supportive but I wasn’t, I was supposed to be a friend but I failed him. And now hes angry at me and demands that I make up with him - yun nga lang he needs- cellphone, or new nike shoes or maybe money… I believe that im generous enough to give him what he wanted, pero i do have brain you know… Still he is waiting for me to make up with him, i cant say if that is longing because of love or just material love. I plan to talk to him on Decemeber to clear things between us.


There is a thin line between the word LIKE and LOVE, same as the fine line between a FRIEND and a LOVER… “Like” is somewhat the bridge that will lead two persons to love. Someone said this line to me and what I said to him was genuinely true: "I LIKE YOU ALSO". I thought we will cross the bridge together, but he is a little impulsive and talks about the end and the hurt whilst, we are not yet crossing the bridge. Now we are still friends, very close and very tight.


Know what, ive learned something new from a friend who oftentimes relates himself to you… “Don’t believe in everything people are telling you…”. Based on my situation with you, he calls it “FOOLS HOPE”. Nevertheless, i do love you and I mean it with all of my heart, love never dies, im sure of it because for six years the flame still is burning, but I have to stand my ground and hold on to my thin rope so that I wont fall deeper on the hole that you are creating. Still im always here for you, like what I am telling to all of my dear friends. It was never a crime to love somebody and not to receive that love back,, or should I say on the form that you expect it to be… its so normal in this world. I know, i know... you might not be the PRINCE for me but i will always be youre KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR...


Sometimes unspoken words are mightier than those flowery, oftentimes saccharine speeches on love… Just by his touch and his kisses on me I can feel he has finally learned to love me, though suppressed and visionless. I thank him for that. To the number of moments we spent together alone, we never said I LOVE YOU, its not essential in this place, we know very well that we will never be together so why risk and invest too much emotions on a thing that is not really meant to be… Were still missed call buddies, once in a blue moon, the thing is - he now comes to me instead of me coming to his FORTRESS...

But if losing is the only way to fit the missing piece of the puzzle... i wanted to lose... in the arms of a person whom ill offer my heart.
Now where the hell are you Shade? im Waiting. I will risk losing if its in your arms- i will fall. Losing will not be bad after all...


  1. are you saying these lines to anyone in particular? =D

  2. @engel, i like your question! hehe =P

  3. sige na nga.

    i love you na rin.


  4. uhmmmm..... so para kanino nga yan? ahahahaha intrigerang palaka din kasi ako eh....

  5. @eternal wanderer.

    weeeeeee, lols


    missing pa, ahihihi

  6. action speaks louder than words. aksyon na! hahahahaha.

  7. "I Love You" = weapon of mass destruction.