Saturday, September 26, 2009

[x] NO GOODBYES

The cold metal arms of the silver chair made my hair go straight up as I sit on it, the cold air coming from the AC is to be blamed on this. Im not alone inside the coffee shop there are a clique composed of a boy and two of his GFF’s on my right side and presumably a sweet couple of PLU’s on my back. Im definitely alone, well technically I am, but the fluffy STUFF inside the colorful package on top of the table was my lone friend there. Its already dark and getting late, though I haven’t noticed the time because im enjoyin watching people passing by in front of my table, but when stores – other than the coffee shop where I was seated- started to close their lights, a sign that it was really late, I started to get annoyed… still I was patient enough to wait and sit there, to wait for him.

I noticed that the security personnel constantly checks the people around the coffee shop, which by the way is a good thing, I noticed that in the long hours- probably 3, I havent bought anything, which maybe makes me look suspicious, so I stood up, grabbed my colorful paperbag, and went to the counter to order a hot chocolate drink… to my annoyance, the taste was not at all good – for I worked previously in a chocolate company, so I can really tell, anyhow, I don’t wanna waste my money I tried to drink it all up while waiting…

“15 minutes and im already there…”

This was his message the previous hour, im not complaining at all, it was me on the first place that wanted to meet him, and his place is so far away from the place we would meet so I guess I have no reason to be annoyed.

So there was I seated again on the cold metal piece under a useless umbrella’d table, the colorful paperbag on top of table, me staring at people’s faces as they walk past…

Then there he was, walking towards me, he still wears the same exact face and has the same exact body that made my smile so wide… It was so swift, all of a sudden that smile faded, he was with somebody else, he was with his ex boyfriend, they look so good together. They weren’t holding hands coz Shawn was holding a Fila Box and Andrew was just as eagerly on his side… though they were far away from me, I saw how they disappeared underground using an elevator.

Ouch, I said to my self, I hesistated to call him, I don’t wanna spoil what good chance Shawn has- to gain Andrews trust. This was the chance Shawn was waiting for to prove how much he loves Andrew and im not gonna spoil that, never, eventhough this feeling can kill me, still im Shawns bestfriend, a friend who loves him dearly… I suddenly noticed that warm tears are starting to well up on my brown eyes and the clique in front of me was noticing my changed behavior so I twisted my position and secretly wiped the pain away from my eyes… still I waited for him, I already waited for hours and it wont hurt to face a friend who always wanted me to be happy… Do I have to wear a mask in front of him, is this going to be a masquerade?

The bittersweetness of the hot chocolate started to sink in to me, but still the love that I feel inside will always overwhelm that annoying feeling of repulsion and rejection. I waited for them to burst out of the elevator door at any moment, smiling and looking happy, but no Shawn or Andrew came out…

Then all of a sudden from my back Shawn was there smiling, though a little haggard, wearing his white tees and worn out jeans, greeting me A good February night. I was a lil shocked because I never expected him to come from my back…

“I could swear that I saw you going down that elevator holding a Fila shoe box and guess whos with you? Andrew!”

“Talaga?! Its impossible, I came from the MRT station, and I was late, im sorry, nakatulog ulet ako… impossible… but it’s a good sign, sana magdilang anghel ka Prince!”

Ouch

“The truth is I really saw my Ex, I mean my other Ex boyfriend on the MRT, James, he still looks gorgeous of course, and he gave me this calling card, small world eh, Here take a look…”

Another ouch.

“Kaso ayoko na makipagclose dyan, baka ma inlove ako ulet, but still I do hope the vision that you saw will come to pass, hopin hopin hopin for the best…”

The third ouch…

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“It seems im the only one who's very slow. Nalalampasan na ako sa kabagalan ko. Time goes by so quickly. Its been three years, look at us still friends. Do you still remember how we met?” I told him sincerely tryng to reminisce our humble beginnings.

“Syempre naman. Anukaba. Funny, this exact place was the same place that you and I first shook hands. It was supposed to be a meet up between me and Aries, pero Aries brought you as his chaperone, nakakatuwa ka that time, napakaedgy mo. haha” Shawn’s eyes was mesmerized by the sudden realization.

“OP kaya ako no, its just so sad that you and Aries fell out as friends. Type na type ka kasi nun, kaso sorry sya inlove na inlove ka pa nun kay Andrew.” Though I ended my statement with a smile I cant help but notice how Andrews name still makes Shawn pinch as if I it hurts deep inside.

“Sige nga itest kita kung natatandaan mo pa… hmmm. Teka Shawn October 25, 2007? Anong nangyari that time?” I asked him while smiling.

“Loko ka of course natatandaan ko yun ano. That’s the first time nga na nagmeet tayo dito mismo!”

“Good! Ok. Hmmm. March 24, 2008.?

“Syempre birthday mo! Kala mo maloloko moko ano?” Maybe he wont forget my birthday anyway.

“Ok sige eto, December 15, 2008? Ano nangyari noon?” I grinned I know he knows this one, it just happened recently.

“It was a special day, interview day ko yun sa may Cubao. You made it special too. Nilibre mo ako sa gateway eventhough i was supposed to be the one who will treat you. Thank you so much Prince.”

“Achochocho, youre so madrama! In fairness magaling pa ang memory cells mo ha, to think matanda ka na. Eto last na talaga. September 22, 2008?”

He fell silent. His eyes wandered around the coffee shop trying to figure out what exactly happened on that day. After a few minutes, after numerous oxygen he inhaled, and after a few frustrated smiles. He gave up. “Sirit na nga, hindi ko maalala eh, What happened ba last September 22, 2008?”

“Hindi mo talaga maaalala Shawn kasi it was the day that I realized im in love with a friend, im in love with you… and I know you know it…”

Silence.

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As we walked down the road, he stretched his arms around me and rested on my shoulder. It was the first time he did that while we were walking. It felt good.

"Tandaan mo whatever happens hindi kita iiwan, malayo man tayo sa isat isa, our FRIENDSHIP will survive. Kahit kailan hindi ako magsisinungaling saiyo. We will survive any onslaught sa friendship natin." He ended his statement with a smile.

I invited him for a late night dinner at KFC and talked about everything under the pale moonlight including how I felt for him and his passive response which I could understand, I have to try to understand… While he was talking, I took time to study and memorize every lines of his face, every curve of his muscles and the dimples that accessorize his face. My spirits are lifted whenever im with him that erases all hurt and sorrows in life, I hope he knows how therapeutic his presence means to me…

As the moon rises to the blackened sky, its already time to be separated, he turned his back away from me, just for me to run after him and holler.

“Hey Shawn you forgot this…” me lifting the colorful package and handed it to him…

“Thanks, whats this?

"Lets just say, hes a little kindness in the night." I smiled

"you take care ok?.” I looked at him directly in the eyes

"You too... my friend." He smiled, a little kindness in the night.

I turned my back- no I love yous, no hugs, no kisses, no goodbyes, only déjà vus.

As I was walking away from him, I held out an envelope containing my passport and a one way ticket to a very far away place. A place where letting go and moving on can be found.

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Why can't we love two persons at the same time? It is the same reason as to why we can't wear two different shoes at the same - Shawn

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One last post and the "SEPTEMBER SONG" ends.

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