Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I wanna HATE you, I want to be murderous, I want to kill, I want to destroy, I want to be evil, just for once.

Ive realized that since you left, my life has become a mess. Sounds absurd, and will again give a medal to your infamous achievements on my life, but yes my life’s a mess. Suddenly I became tired, mostly with the on- goings of my life, my work was becoming a headache- thus I became lazy in all aspects, my life became stagnant – I wanna go home to shake things up, shake my booty at least.

And then it dawned unto me, this in fact is me. I thought that this strange one is just a mere bystander but, really this is me. Probably the worst person to love. Most of the time a pain in the ass, but nonetheless meek and mild, emotionally unstable but can keep his cool until the hotness subsides.

Achilles slept by my side yesterday, mind you it was him whos always persistent to go to my room every other night. Most of the time I say no, but yesterday was different, yesterday was the breaking point of an unbroken promise, I want to forget you. I want to forget you totally, maybe I can use Achilles, to help me slam my stupid head on the wall so the bleeding brain can eradicate your memories. Or do I have to call the HAITIAN for help. He’s far, I know.

But after the deed was done and Achilles was caressing my face, fuck, its still you. Funny isn’t it how my love works. If its for you, then its for you, no questions asked. Thus, my happiness and forgetfulness only lingers for 30 minutes and after that, its back to abnormal again, I was never normal again.

How long have i been in this state, before you i have been in a four year unrequited love to SONNY and im only on my second year of unrequited love to you. Its craziness to the maximum nth power. But that is so me, i find it hard to move on and let go. But like a nincompoop student, i learn too from my mistakes, i know now how to end something that has not yet even begun.

Maybe forgetting is not the answer, but waking up is. Realizing that no matter how hard you try to gain something, if its not meant to be, its not meant to be. Only a few things are left for me to do. I wanna HATE you, I want to be murderous, I want to kill, I want to destroy, I want to be evil, just for once. Im so tired of crying, im so tired of being kind, im so tired of thinking about other people especially you and youre fucking state. But do you know at the end of the day, it will always sum up to the fact that it is not me - hating, being evil, murdering – so very unlike me.

I don’t need a triple slap to wake me up, I am already wide awake. But when the time comes that im over you, you’ve lost one hell of a friend, that I guess youll never find in this lifetime. So assuming yes, but i very well know you know what i mean.

And I promise my self one more time, youre awake yes, but please stand up and open your eyes and start cleaning the mess!

And another thing dont expect me to see you in a month or two, MANIGAS KA! hmmp sabay irap at walk out!

So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions
2:14 PM Aug 11th via twitter


  1. why dont u put his picture on ur wall, pocket wallet and always think of him day in and day out? perhaps u will get tired of him one day and finally accept that after all the attention u gave him, he really really doesn't deserve it.

    i sound sarcastic, sorry, but it might work. :)