Monday, February 23, 2009


I didn’t sleep much; I was so busy looking at his glories face, I cannot make a move to even try to close my eyes, given the chance I wanted to watch him breathing and sleeping soundly by my side, forever. I can still feel the pain of my fall on my left hips, and the cold season made it even worse. I grasp for my blanket because of the coldness that I felt and made a move to cover Sonny’s entirety also.

It was never in my plans to “DO SOMETHING NAUGHTY” to Sonny, he is too precious to lose so I didn’t took the risk… My mission was to make everything special for him, whenever hes around, ill be happy in that set up, we were friends, I cannot ask for more…

Without making any noise, I slowly raised my almost limping body and walked towards the kitchen. I was never a morning person, that’s why I have already a few memo’s concerning tardiness on the office. Though it was Sunday and I have no work, I summed all of my might to walk and prepare something special to Sonny, since this rarely happens. I have set up the small table already for breakfast- the eggs, bacon and hotdogs are already piled on two separate plates. I was just aint sure if he likes coffee or just plain milk or chocolate. When I was deliberating on what to prepare for him, my phone rang loudly.

“Oh shocks, naiwan ko yung phone sa kwarto… tyak magigising yun.” I told my self as I raced my way to the room. The door was already ajar and I saw him sitting on the side of the bed…

“Good morning bro, pasensya na nalate ako ng gising. Medyo napagod ako sa kalalakad natin kahapon.”. He smiled sheepishly as he reminisces what we have been through yesterday.

Well that makes sense. We covered the whole Megamall, yesterday and since we cannot use strollers as transport we resorted to walking, it was time well spent indeed… never a dull moment, no dead air between us.

“Oo nga, tapos anlikot mo pa matulog, nahulog tuloy ako sa kama…”

He chuckled loudly, aww.

“Haha, ikaw nga dyan ang malikot matulog, kaya ka nahulog, o baka naman nababahuan ka sa akin… hehe.”

“Malamang!” then we both laughed.

I started to approach the bed and helped him fold the blankets that we used and then all of a sudden. The tip of our finger touched for a millisecond.

I suddenly realized an electric current that flowed from my fingertips to my heart “Nakuryente ako” I told myself. Wala man lang syang reaksyon…

“Alam mo since andito naman na tayo sa Cainta punta tayo ng simbahan ng Antipolo.” She said as he fixed himself in front of the mirror. His face still as angelic as I remember last night.

Oh my. Did he asked me to go to church because he just want to go or did he asked me because he wanted to go there with me or he just wanted to pray for both of us. Did he meant by asking this for me to spend more time with him?

Or am I over sa olright analyzing all of his actions when he’s with me?

The morning was full of life, Laughter, smile. I cant imagine mornings can this be so lively. It was indeed the most glorious morning I ever had.

Monday, February 16, 2009



I was ninety nine point nine, nine, nine, nine, and nine percent sure that this was not the same dream that I dreamt yesterday.

Evidences were overwhelming; usually I dream of suns and clouds, warmth and dynamics are the forte of my dreams for the past few days but this dream was somehow very different: first I was laying flat on my back in cold tempered grasses in a dimly lit room, enlightened only by the flickering light that look like stars of a moonless night – a vision that you will never see in the metro. And more alarmingly nice was the enduring figure who was beside me, for the first time, I saw Sonny more clearly in this fairy tale, more solid than ever.

The moment I opened my mouth to say something, he locked his lips into mine, trapping the words that I ought to deliver. I thought that was for eternity but, eternity only lasted for a few seconds. We both smiled and again he refocused his stare on the million stars above. I was more than amazed on the scenery, not with the stars so far away, up there in the heavens, I was enthralled by the handsome light of the star beside me…

I was about to hug him tightly when I felt that a big stone suddenly dropped on its own accord on my hips, I cannot feel my hips. I tried to roll over to removed the stuck big stone on my hips and then…

I fell on the cliff… errr the bed.

“Araykupo” I said out so loud that I might have woken up the whole neighborhood. The last time I fell from my stupid bed was when I still live with my brother. With my body in slight pain I tried to stand up and crawl back to my bed. It seems that the fall has shaken my head. I suddenly remembered that Sonny has to stay over the night because it was too late to go home and we have so much things to catch up. And since the apartment has only one room, my chance finally came to be with him… Dream came true it was…

“Puta, ang gwapo talaga ng lokong to.” I said out whisphering…

I noticed that he didn’t even bulged a bit, eventhough the noise of my fall was so loud. Still sitting on the floor I, anchored my my face using my chin on the bed and tried to figure out all the contours and angles of his angelic face. Luckily, the light of the moon was enough for me to examine him…

His short hair complemented his round face. The lines of worries above his brows shows the struggles he was facing, based on the stories he has told me earlier. His arching nose that gives him that “Boy next door look” sits prominently in the center of his face and his angelic dimples on both sides of his cheeks accessorizes his smiling curved lips.

“Oh shocks, naka-smile sya habang natutulog…” I said to myself while my right hand was already traveling to touch his soft cheeks… when suddenly… he opened his beautiful eyes.

“Bakit andyaan ka natutulog… nasisikipan ka ba?” he said still smiling.

“Ahh, nahulog kasi ako sa kama, alam mo naman tayo malikot matulog…” I said cheerfully. “Matulog ka na, you still have a long journey tomorrow…”

With that statement he closed his eyes again. As I laid my trembliJustify Fullng body beside him, he rolled over and continued to sleep with his face, facing mine… Just inches away from eternity.


A dream is a wish your heart makes...

Saturday, February 14, 2009


Someday, I will disappear. The songs will end, the lyrics will stop and the melodies will cease. Everyone will get tired hearing my songs, you will get tired hearing my songs, I will get tired singing my songs. But I will never get tired of listening to the wonderful music that comes from every pout of your lips, every wink of your eyes and every wave of your hands, for with you, forever and ever exist. I will always call out your name, the name I always whisper in the morning and constantly mimic on my dreams of the night. The name I have woven in the chords of my guitar, included in every lines of every song I make. I can be a thousand butterflies that will make the sky beautiful, only for you, just for your eyes to see. Then I will be the cloud that surrounds you and protects you from the harmful rays of the rising sun, I will be the air that you constantly breathe, though I may be the one you cannot hold on to forever, that’s how I will be… Then I will paint pictures of mountains, the sky, the oceans and heaven that depicts the way you walk, talk, smile, cry and prance your way to endless happiness, because my EYES SEE NOTHING BUT YOU, my ears hear nothing but your voice, my nose smells only your splendid perfume that marks my soul, My mouth speaks nothing but the way you make my heart beat. How’d I hope I’d see you sleep beside me at night, though the darkness will cover you and make me blind… Tonight during my slumber, you will be my dream coming true, a wish that is granted and a fairy tale coming into life. Beyond the darkness you are the lone source of the light, the MAN clothed in white.

Like the lonely dove, I will fly into nothingness; I will befriend the clouds of the sky, the rainbow after the rainstorm and the stars of the night. But you alone are my home, the reason I will go back… the only reason I will never be lost. I will never get tired of going home to your loving hands, where I will surrender all my defenses. I will forever and ever say your name like an unending chorus of angels. You are the reason I believe in forever and happy endings, you have given me another reason to believe in life after all that I have done failed. I was revived and eventually will live on… that’s the way I wanted my life to end.

Love you forever,



Message sent 13.02.08

"...I am the air that you breath that gives you hope and the will to fight, the one that will be with you forever...

But i do understand that i am also the one that you cant hold forever..."


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Pink is His Favorite Color

It was supposed to be less than an hour drive from our house in Cainta but it spent an incredulous two hours for the old FX to deliver me to the busiest mall in the metro, SM MEGAMALL. I wasn’t fond of people or worse crowds, that is why im not frequently seen in the mall, bars or discos. But when duty calls or emergencies, in malls I am what they call a SKULKER. My mother calls me frequently an antisocial freak, though she cannot erase the fact that I have won several positions in our university government as a student, a feat the she couldn’t believe, I guess when I put all my charisma into something worthwhile, Ill definitely get what I wanted.

That day was an UNLIKELY day. After all the charisma that I have invested for the moments event, my lucky stars weren’t aligned. Yeah right, the sun was magnificently crowned in the center of the sky, adorned by the lovely cotton candy like clouds, you cannot hate the day, but for me it was such a bad sight. I was seated at the backmost portion of the FX and the sweet old air conditioner is not at all working. Its terribly hot, as hot as the hunk that is positioned right in front of me, it was really awkward to smile at him with my whole pale face full of oily liquid that only comes out during troubled times.

I opened the machines’ door as fast as I could and dashed my way to the nearest entrance of a more uncomfortable area, though cold enough to erase my eeeky feeling, the mall was so crowded and it made me blush when I smelled myself. There goes my first broken falling star. Armed with confidence and my sneakers, I immediately walked as fast as I could to the nearest BENCH shop and tried to find a more comfortable shirt, to replace my sweat soaked T-shirt. Incidentally the Bench Shop was just right in front of the National Bookstore where the day’s event will take place…

I grabbed a blue shirt, my preferred color and attire that first caught my eye. Went to the cute cashier twink at the center of the aisle, picked a bluish liquid called perfume, paid the items in cash and immediately dashed to the nearest comfort room and went straight to the center cubicle and closed it, that marathon can rival the records of Lydia De Vega . I opened the Bench paper bag and to my great annoyance, the t-shirt that I bought was not a t-shirt at all, I mistakenly grabbed a long sleeved type TEE on the stack and worse of all the size was “XL” and not even “L” or “M”. Decided not to replace the long sleeved shirt for no reason at all, I just went back to the Bench shop and carefully picked the correct shirt, went back to the CR and successfully, recharged my CONFIDENCE Battery… at long last, now I’m ready…

I have never been late to any meet up, well technically this would be our first meet up since the first time I saw him in a government sponsored conference down south just last year. It was with him that I have experienced LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT, if ever that context is true; I think this feeling can apply to him in any circumstances. I can tell because of the fact that I have never felt this intense feeling, never in my existence so I guess; I can call him my FIRST LOVE. He wasn’t any regular guy, he’s charming, he likes to eat, kind and sometimes stupid enough to tell me all his escapades with his girlfriends… Yeah right, he’s straight … But that was never a hindrance for me to befriend a person and in turn love him… Even though we’ve just met the previous year, we just clicked, we became closed friends instantly…

There was I entering the bookstore, the place where we will meet, he’s a bookworm, so this will be the perfect place for us to meet, ironically, I am not acquainted with books. Nonetheless, Ill make it sure that whenever I’m with Sonny, its all about him and his happiness. I torpedoed my rejuvenated body towards the aisle where most science fiction novels were located. Then there he was - my dream coming true - I stared without taking in oxygen to the long corridor, the black eyes of the LION staring back pleasantly at my brown ones. Surely, I can die the moment he pursed his lips to a wide smile, if I’m a basketball player, I have definitely earned a three point shot.

This ain’t true, I told myself, how can life be so fair- offering you a dream so far beyond the prayer that you uttered yesterday or even the wish you have always told your falling stars. And when the LION pranced his way graciously like a Brazilian ramp model to you… you have suddenly realized that the bloody heart inside you was not yours anymore… then out of the blue, a light bulb illuminates just an inch above my head…

“I know your favorite t-shirt color is pink, but I think a blue will do… ” I smiled back, my pearly whites shining brightly, while handing him the Bench paper bag containing the extra large Blue long sleeved t-shirt that I mistakenly bought earlier, that would exactly match his large frame.

Oh my goodness, he laughed at my joke, I’m about to die…


Like when I hear your name
Or see a place that you’ve been
Or see a picture of your grin
Or pass a house that you’ve been in
One time or another
It sets of something in me I can’t explain…
- Is it ok if I call you mine? – Paul McCrane

Sunday, February 8, 2009


Have you ever been In love? Terrible? Yeah right, horrible? definitely… It doesn’t make any sense that something so powerful as love can make your knees crumble, your speech stammers and make your heart skip few beats, at any given time multiplied by how much dose love was injected in you. Worse thing about it is that your chest opens up exposing your bloody ribcage while your heart pounds heavily and all of a sudden your heart is not yours anymore, some stupid person have already engraved and tattooed their name on your heart it will never be easily erased, more so, they have the capacity to mess it all. Then, for months and years, maybe decades, you will build your fortress, defenses for you to be ready; your plan is to preserve yourself in the impending battle of hearts. You visualizes that you be triumphant and be guarded enough- armored enough not to feel pain, kind enough-for the world inturn be kinder to you. Then out of the blue and unexpected, some nincompoop, like any other nincompoop person that your friends have told you about will play your stupid charade and like a stray dog he will stay in your oasis… Without them asking, you will give them a piece of you. Don’t ever complain cause they never asked for it. Then one lackluster day, he did something stupid, like hug you more tightly or even flex their muscle to give a brilliant smile at you, and then your stupid heart is not yours anymore, it seems like it wanted to jump out of glee. The “Stupid enough” you will be happy whenever you see them happy ruining your heart. The thing is, when heart opens, your brain closes its doors, your eyes are blinded by the brilliance of that four letter world and the eardrums will march their way out...

But then again you have to learn that love might not kill but it can wound your heart and leave it empty, something that only love itself can heal and fill it again up to brim. Love can eat your heart out and leave you spilling emotional liquid on the ground called tears, just for simple sentences like, “I love you as my dearest friend…” or “I don’t wanna hurt you”. These are metal knives that love inserts on our system on their way to the center of your body, that reddish blood filled organ- their main target. It hurts. A lot.
Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts, no goods, no demonstrations of devotion — nothing, but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine. - STARDUST

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Waiting Shade

From the very beginning of my existence, waiting has been my cup of tea… I was blessed with the capacity to wait patiently to whatever life holds for me. And I guess that patience applies to all aspects of my universe, incidentally the same universe is shared by most people who by chance or worse- talented enough to make me suffer and wait… well, complaining is an inborn trait in all people - just a mere fact, but ultimately to wait for something, for someone, is a choice…

To think that something worth reminiscing is coming to you…
To expect that someone you love is worth the wait
To await something that can crush your ribs because of the bear hug he has to give or to complain while smiling for that tight handshake.
To celebrate something that you have always known to exist and expected- monthsaries, anniversaries…
To hope that someday someone will find me and love and care for me…

There are two major ways to find someone to care and to love… half the world searches the vastness of forevermore to find that special someone while the rest waits a whole eternity for them to be found… and through this blog I again start my waiting process for everything that is unfinished, for someone who might be searching not specifically for me but for someone I love and for some instances that the lucky stars of the night might grant a wish or two someday. I have waited, im still waiting and I will wait for that someone, he might not be perfect, his flaws might -irritate me at first, he might not be Mr. Right but nevertheless im patient enough just to handle all the necessary strings attached. Though I might wait for someone who might not to love me at all, what the heck, its never a crime to love somebody who doesn’t love you back. It’s a matter of choice, to be heartbroken because you loved and in turn be happy or not to love at all and to lose the chance of showing the capacity of how much you care and love a person…

I think that’s main purpose of this blog, to tell stories of love and loss… It can be my stories or the stories of people who searched the skies, people who waited for rainstorms and people in between great mountains of doubt and uncertainties…

Let my book be opened…



Obviously ive waited long enough to stitch this opening post for this blog, and ive been a lurker long enough to be able to be inspired to tell also my stories to people who might be inspired and in turn learn to whatever I might write. So there goes the word WAITING. (and as explained also above).

The sun emits ultraviolet lights that can damage the skin and can cause sunburn, aging and worse skin cancer… so a little SHADE is good enough to protect from the scorching rays of the sun. SHADE can also apply to a person who I have been waiting all my life, he can be someone I knew already or a stranger searching for his long lost love, and I hope its me…

Waiting Shade came from “Waiting Shed”- an outbuilding with a single story; used for shelter – full of vandalisms; sometimes trash, and oftentimes- a haven for our fellow street beggars…

Well that’s all for the Prologue of this newly started EPIC WAIT.

BTW, Cloud Strife came from my most favorite Final Fantasy 7: ADVENT Children character.


Half the world is sleeping
Half the worlds awake
Half can hear their heart beat
Half just hear them break
- JOURNEY, Lea Salonga